First time posting so please bear with me!
I don’t know if I’m being ridiculous so looking for some advice.
Been with DH 15 years, very normal relationship. 2 young kids, both pull our weight around the house so no issues there.
He does have a problem with telling lies about me to his family and I feel like I’m being made to seem dramatic? He will always blame the fact we’re seeing my family as the reason we can’t see his. Doesn’t matter if we’re genuinely busy doing something else, he’ll still say we’re seeing my family.
Then on holiday a couple of years ago, I was sending pictures from his phone to mine (with his permission) and he’d left it open on a conversation with his sibling. He was saying I was ruining the holiday, forced us back to the hotel room and wouldn’t let them out without me and was generally being painful. None of it was true, I had a minor cold that I took paracetamol for. Caused a massive argument and he had no real reason for it.
Now there’s this new lie for the last year. For context I had our second child last year who was insanely clingy and has never slept. On days DH would do hobby until 10/11pm a night, I’d cook me and my eldest a simple healthy, dinner. A couple of times the next day he ate some left over, sent a picture to his family group chat saying how disgusting it was, the horrible white people food he has to eat. Because he’s a fucking idiot, he forgot his messages are liked to the iPad, so I saw them while playing games with my eldest. Basically I’ve seen his do this a few times, all his family have a running joke about how shit of a partner I am and I can’t feed him properly. To the point that whenever we have meals with them at theirs they make comments like “isn’t it funny how much DH eats when he’s with us, it’s like he’s never been fed before. Do you cook for him at home?” And then they’ll giggle amongst themselves in their own language. And if they come to ours he’ll tell them to bring their own food because all I can cook is “fucking white people food”.
They didn’t know I’ve seen the messages, I didn’t say anything because I was very hormonal postpartum and didn’t know if I was being crazy. But I’m very much myself now and again saw some of these messages the other day and when I confronted partner it was made out as banter and I couldn’t take a joke. But I don’t think having private jokes that put your partner down and making snide comments you think they don’t understand is banter, I think it’s nasty.
Am I being crazy? It feels insane to get this worked up over a bloody dinner! Sorry if it’s long, didn’t want to drip feed!