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Relationships

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Are these reasonable signs of cheating, or enough to end it?

36 replies

Alonegirl · Today 12:59

I (27F) have been with my boyfriend (28M) for about 8–9 months. We currently live in the same house with other people.
Last month, I had a miscarriage, and since then I've been struggling emotionally. I also have trust issues because of things that have happened during our relationship.
While I was pregnant, I saw a screenshot from one of his video calls. A girl was lifting her crop top and showing him her breasts. We had a huge argument. He told me she was his sister. He even showed me his call history and said he had first called his cousin, who lives with his mother and sister, and then handed the phone to his sister during the call. He said that in their culture this kind of thing is normal. After that incident, he changed his phone number.
We had also talked about moving out and getting a place together without our friends, but later he told me he wanted to live alone and wasn't interested in living with his girlfriend.
He almost never tells me he loves me or expresses affection with words. Sometimes he does thoughtful things for me, but I rarely receive verbal reassurance or affection.
Last Sunday, he went to another city to visit his male friend. After that, he disappeared until Tuesday morning. His internet was off the entire time, and I was terrified because I thought something bad had happened to him. On Tuesday morning, I realized he had gone home to change his clothes before work, and later I saw him crossing the street as I was walking home.
Another thing that really bothers me is that on Monday morning he texted me saying he was going to work. However, last night I found out from one of his friends that he never went to work that day—he had actually taken the day off.
This morning, I confronted him about it and told him I knew he hadn't gone to work. He admitted that he hadn't, but said he was going to tell me the truth when he got home. That explanation doesn't make sense to me because he had already told me he was at work, so it still feels like he lied.
What hurts even more is that when I had my miscarriage last month, he didn't even take a full day off to be with me. He only took a few hours off. But this time, he took an entire day off without telling me and lied about going to work.
I'm going to post the messages he sent me below.
Based on everything I've written, do you think these are signs that he's cheating, or could there be another explanation? I'm already questioning this relationship, but before I end it, I want outside opinions to know whether my suspicions are reasonable.

Are these reasonable signs of cheating, or enough to end it?
OP posts:
Alonegirl · Today 13:01

Thank you for your time

Are these reasonable signs of cheating, or enough to end it?
Are these reasonable signs of cheating, or enough to end it?
OP posts:
Weeellokthen · Today 13:07

Which "culture" is it acceptable for a sister to show her brother her tits? I can't think of any 😂

Alonegirl · Today 13:10

I forgot to say he disappeared on my birthday ok he didn't text me or call me on my birthday he just put my pictures on his status

OP posts:
Gardenisablooming · Today 13:12

He isn't good for your mental wellbeing..that is enough reason to get rid of him.

You don't need proof of anything..

hypnovic · Today 13:13

Why does he need to be cheating for you to leave this foul man? It doesn't matter if he is cheating. He is an asshole

Victorius19 · Today 13:13

You really need to work on your self esteem OP - the fact that you're tolerating this and trying to have a child with such a lowlife is very concerning.

Natty13 · Today 13:15
  1. Yes, he is cheating on you.
  2. Even if he wasn't, the other behaviours are horrible. There is literally 0% of a good partner in what you have described. I'm sure you love him and I'm sure he does have some good points but the lying to you, ignoring you, not doing anything on your birthday, making you go through a miscarriage basically alone without taking care of you, winding you up so you feel like you are going crazy....there are NO good points that would cancel those out. You will never be feel fully happy and loved by a man who does those things.

You deserve someone who will love and take care of you and this isn't it.

Fiendishandfiery · Today 13:15

Eh you beleive in his culture sisters phone their brothers and show them their breasts? Like you beleive this?

Alonegirl · Today 13:18

Fiendishandfiery · Today 13:15

Eh you beleive in his culture sisters phone their brothers and show them their breasts? Like you beleive this?

He showed me that he was on a call with his family during that time, but every time I think about it now, it makes me want to cry.

OP posts:
Fiendishandfiery · Today 13:19

Alonegirl · Today 13:18

He showed me that he was on a call with his family during that time, but every time I think about it now, it makes me want to cry.

His sister didn’t show him hwe breasts. This is incestuous in every culture.

Notverylikely · Today 13:19

Even if he wasn’t cheating on you (which I’m sure he is), his actions show that he doesn’t really care about your wellbeing. Please don’t tie yourself to this untrustworthy man. If you have a baby with him you will be tied to him for ever.

Yo

Darragon · Today 13:20

Just dump the waster you don’t need a reason.

somanychristmaslights · Today 13:23

Relationships shouldn’t be this hard. Just dump the guy and find someone who will treat you better than this. You’re only young, don’t waste your life on this loser.

PashaMinaMio · Today 13:25

Girl wake up and smell the coffee.
Time to be an adult. Put your big girls’ pants on.

Chuck this waste of space back in the pond.
Find an alternative living arrangement far away from this horrid excuse of a man.
He’s warped.

Coralsunset · Today 13:27

You can end a relationship for whatever reason you want. You definitely don’t need evidence of cheating.

This is all way too much tedious drama. Just end it. Block him. Move on.

MyKindHiker · Today 13:31

The man is a walking red flag.

I don't know if he's cheating but he is 100% not into you. Which he is telling you with his words, and his behaviour.

He's doing the coward's thing of basically being such a bad boyfriend hoping you will dump him. My guess is he was planning to break up with you but then there was a pregnancy and miscarriage so he hasn't found the right time. Put both of you out of your misery and break up now.

Jennalong · Today 13:33

If he's getting his own place fine , if not you need to find somewhere else to live and then block him . He might not be seeing anyone else but has shown you he is not the man for you .
Either way , he deserves to be dumped .

randomusernam · Today 13:36

Why the fucj do you even care if he is cheating. I’m gonna hold you hand when I say this …. HE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU. How many signs do you need? Leave him and don’t look back? Why would you put up with such disgusting behaviour. Thank god you had a miscarriage and you don’t have to be tied to this horrible man the rest of your life. You need a real wake up call. I would also say some therapy if you let someone treat you this way and keep running back for me. No text or call on your birthday but it’s ok cuz I was his profile picture…. Seriously? I would have left him there and then.

MyKindHiker · Today 13:37

Though honestly having read your texts - for your next relationship I do think dozens and dozens of messages back to back to a guy just screams crazy. I get you were angry, and had every right to be. But once you've sent one message and he's seen it, you aren't going to achieve anything by sending loads more or going on and on. You're just giving him ammunition to tell people you're nuts and controlling. Best wait until you see him face to face and have it out in person where he can't hide by going offline.

Delphiniumandlupins · Today 14:02

I'm commenting without even reading all the messages. Just end it. The relationship is not making you happy and it ought to. You are deeply suspicious, tracking his movements and time online. He doesn't want to live together and his sister flashes her breasts at him!?

I'm sorry for your miscarriage but tighten up your contraception. You're heading towards being a single parent living in a shared house.

whippersnapper55 · Today 14:37

Oh come on...the woman was not his sister 🙄 he's obviously cheating on you.

Even if he's not a cheat, he's a shit boyfriend. Raise your bar, why would you put up with his behaviour? All the stuff about having therapy and crying to your mum - do you think you'll make him feel bad? He doesn't care. Just dump him, he's not worth another minute of your time.

MammaTo · Today 14:50

Let’s just say hypothetically that this mystery woman was his “sister” - why oh why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who acts like this!!
There isn’t some imaginary tolerance level that he needs to reach in order for you to break up with him, he could be the nicest person alive and you can still break up with him without a reason.
Time to grow up, understand that actions speak louder than words and start to have some self respect.

Fiendishandfiery · Today 15:26

As for your poll, yes he’s cheating, you even saw rhe girl, topless. and yes you’re aLao acting crazy; you can’t force someone ro be with you. Hassling them won’t make it happen.

i mean imagine pretending to beleive he was committing incest with his sister and it was cultural so you could justify staying with a dude.

FrustratedApples · Today 15:50
  1. Yes, he's cheating
  2. He thinks you're completely thick if he expects you to believe that sisters show their brothers their breasts. Changing his phone nervous afterwards is another red flag.
  3. He doesn't need to be cheating in order for you to end the relationship.
  4. He is lying to you.
  5. He's shown by his actions and words that he doesn't want a future with you.

From your messages, you come across as rather anxious and needy. I wonder whether something like the Freedom Programme would help you be more confident and assertive in a positive way?

Also I'd get your iron levels checked as being extra emotional in the wake of a miscarriage can be because it has tipped you into deficiency. Obviously it can just be the emotional effects, but they can be worsened by the iron issues. I had a terrible time emotionally after my miscarriage, and it just went on and on rather than getting better. Then I happened to have blood tests for an unrelated reason, found I was deficient and within a fortnight of supplementing I was a completely different woman. The Iron Protocol for Iron Deficiency With or Without Anemia group on FB is a good place to find out more. You're likely to have symptoms if your ferritin is under 100 and/or transferrin saturation is under 20%.

Fiendishandfiery · Today 16:30

He thinks you're completely thick if he expects you to believe that sisters show their brothers their breasts

i mean this, either he thinks you’re thick as, and has no respect for you as you beleive him, or he thinks you’re so desperate you pretend to beleive, even though you saw the cheating proof with your own eyes and thus he has no respect for you.

there is no win in that for you. None what’s so ever. There is no way for you to come out of that with his respect or even looking normal.

you know full well fhere is no culture where sisters flash their brothers and incest is the norm. Not one.

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