He does the right thing on paper but his mood spoils it.

[Blondiebeachbabe]

My husband does what he’s meant to do on paper. He recently helped me move my young son from one apartment to another. He also helped me clear out my Dads flat when he died. On paper it sounds amazing. In reality, whilst he does the job he is SO moody whilst doing it and it hammers home the point that he’s doing you a massive favour. He moans constantly, slams things about and goes into countless moods. When clearing my dad’s flat recently I felt that whilst he was an enormous help I was constantly worried about his mood instead of my own.

Bearing in mind my Dad had just died!!

He sounds like a complete twat. No relationship is good when you're walking on eggshells because of your partner's moods. How long have you been married?

Moody people are very selfish. They basically don’t care about you or your feelings.

⬆️ this. It’s ALL about them

Helping your wife clear out her dad’s place after he died should be the bare minimum, not doing you a favour. A marriage is a partnership where you’re on the same team.

He sounds horrible. Sorry, OP. My partner wouldn’t be like that.

Who cares about “on paper”?
answer: no one.

What you describe sounds horrible. And an exciting day for your son… ruined

wait… is this the highly abusive awful man that you were leaving?

Emotional abuse in one of the most disguised forms. He agrees to help then complains, moans, berates you for 'having' to do it, despite it being his choice. Nobody should make you feel indebted for asking for/accepting help. It is a way to make you feel small and inferior, rather than an act of care. It's like they agree to help you as they think it gives them the golden ticket to go in a mood and be abusive. He should have been giving YOU all of the sympathy given that your dad had just died. What a vile creature he sounds. Do you have kids together? You should not remain with somebody like this. It is easy to write this off as someone in a mood but when it becomes a pattern in behaviour then it crosses over into abuse. Having a one off moody day is fine, it is how they conduct themselves that matters. Observe, understand what you're witnessing. Don't stand for it.

Yes

I remember your last really disturbing thread about how he’s jealous of your kids and an all round vile man.

Not sure what's "amazing" about either of those things. Perfectly normal, bare minimum stuff in a relationship. Does he also sometimes run the hoover round or put his own pants in the laundry basket, what an amazing husband.
He's a prick. No one decent is a dick to a person whose parent has just died. Certainly not the person that supposedly loves them.

He's a prick. And your standards are a trip hazard.

I told him the other night I didn’t love him anymore I just lost my shit. Been on best behaviour since.

I am ready to pull it though. I own the house.

Seems like it’s about time…

Way overdue

Did you find out if he would have any claim on the house?

Ah. One of those.

There are many men like this, I'm afraid. It could be inherent selfishness, but a lot of the time it's related to sexism, misogyny and male entitlement.

You see, even if he is not a misogynist himself, he knows a lot of men are. Because of that, men like this think that if they do the bare minimum and they don't actually abuse you, then that is acceptable. Being nice is an optional extra.

If they do anything above the bare minimum, something that a friend wouldn’t do necessarily, then they think this deserves a fucking medal, for just being a decent romantic partner, or sometimes for just doing things a regular friend would do. They also think they deserve a medal for doing things for you generally, whereas in his mind, you should be running around and doting on him only.

This type of man doesn't find joy in making his partner happy. They are not naturally generous people, so that's why it's just such a terrible effort for him, evidently. I can imagine what he'll be like if you have the audacity to fall serious ill one day.

I can bet the 'mood' you're witnessing is a performance. It's a very obvious LOOK AT WHAT I DO FOR YOU, and an internal 'Jesus the shit I have to do to get some sex'.

Dump him. He will drag you down.

This is not him. He has already shown you who he really is when he didn't think he was in any danger of losing you. This new behaviour you're seeing is very likely a temporary one, and doesn't mean he's changed his personality.

Yes. All of the above. I couldn't have put it any better. They only do things for other people(other than you though) if it makes them look good. The generous comment in the above post also jumped out at me. This is so true.