Has anyone ended a marriage after strong attraction to someone else?

[MeadowSuite]

As the title, I’m not looking for advice per se - just insight, has anyone ended a marriage because they had intense sexual attraction to someone else?

Not planning on acting on it, but sex with DH is a bit meh, and he’s not overly receptive to change. I’m early 50s, thought my libido had all but gone but developed a huge attraction to another man, and it’s very much fired up again and so I’m wondering if i should consider separating, or just ride it out.

If you’ve been in this position what did you do, and do you regret it?

For absolute clarity I would separate to be on my own. We have teens, and DH is otherwise pretty great.

@WeAreNotOk you are so brave to take this action, most people settle for security and second best, there is no right answer. we only have to be honest to our inner self.

I see little mention of your children in all this. Think very carefully about the impact on them and your relationship with them. If you are the instigator and cause of the breakdown of their family it’s highly likely that you and them are going to struggle with your relationship for many years to come.

No, you shouldn't divorce your husband over this. Especially if you think that he would ride it out if he knew, and you're not going to take any action.

It would be nuts to divorce him, and I'm a big advocate of divorce if things are shitty. But they're not, you've just got the hots for someone else. Stop feeling guilty, you're human. Have a cold shower and wait for it to pass.

Yea I’m also advocate of divorce if the relationship isn’t working anymore. But still agree that from what the OP has written, it just doesn’t seem to make any sense. This isn’t a case of contemplating the option to have a relationship with the other man instead. As far as we know, nothing has happened and won’t. So why on earth to divorce over this? You love your DH very much and it’s crazy to throw that away. For what? So you can be alone and daydream about this other man without even any intention to go for it? Doesn’t make sense. Tbh the fact that you have the hots for him doesn’t actually hurt your DH if he doesn’t known about it - and he doesn’t need to know. Just think all your thoughts and daydream..but also put effort into your relationship with DH. Once your crush eventually fades and if at that point your marriage seems less than what you want, then consider discontinuing it.

I was lucky that my bout of this came after I’d left my marriage, and had started a fairly sub par relationship with someone. Limerance man made me leave the mediocre relationship for a year and a half of bliss which was also his exit affair. However, we’re not together now, and getting over it had been hell at points. Even though it didn’t cost me anything major, I would not do it again if I could undo things. It only now has memories of hurt and pain and never had the firm footing of a real relationship.

I suspect OP, that subconciously you are in deep limerence, and have realised that nothing can happen if you are in a relationship. So the fantasy has now moved on to, if I were divorced and free of couse the man would want me and we can live happily ever after. And dammed to the happy life you had before, as that isn't giving you these big dopamine spikes the new man is. Problem is, this is limerence and is chemically induced. You might like the thought of it happening as it feels good to think about (and keeps the limerence going with the fantasy), but limerence isn't real. Your limerence object is a flawed person, who might be uninterested or only mildly interested. HE might have no intention of leaving his wife. HE might be awful in ways you don't know.

Don't do anything while under this spell!