Facebook profile phito

[ThisHappyRubyBird]

Been seeing a widower for 18 months. Facebook profile picture is still him and his late wife. Photos of them around his house. Nothing of me and him. Is this normal

When did she die?

3 years ago

Did they have children?

It's a difficult one as you've only been together for 18 months. And she has passed away so him having pictures of them both together is different to him having pictures of an alive ex IMO.

Grown up children. Don’t have an issue with photos in the house but Facebook profile photo and no photos at all of us is making me insecure

My DH died 5 years ago. I have photos of him around the house, and have been seeing a new man for nearly 2 years.

There are no photos of me and him. IMO it's downright weird when adults display photos of themselves. There were no pics of DH when he was alive.

I can't take the photos of DH down, not least because he's DC's Dad, although I did take the one in my bedroom down.

DP recognises that DH was a huge part of our lives for a long time and won't ever be replaced, but that things do move on.

Most middle aged people have FB accounts set up many years ago and haven’t used them for years. That’s probably the case here.

Does he post on Facebook? Some people have it but rarely use it so could be that.
Photos in the house is normal I think especially if he has children, albeit grown up.

Uses Facebook regularly. I don’t expect to be in his facebook profile photo by the way. Photos round the house no issue at all

I wouldn't have photos of an 18 month relationship in my house either, or as my profile picture. 18 months is not a long time in the big scheme of things. I personally wouldn't even describe 18 months as a long or serious relationship either, 18 months is not a long time at all

There is no normal or right or wrong in this situation. He’s doing what his heart feels .

How often does he update his Facebook profile?

I don't think I've changed mine since 2008.

Insecure in what way? He’s not going to be going back to his dead wife, is he?

I’m sorry but you sound too immature to be in a relationship with someone who has been through what he has. Stop obsessing over Facebook and make more effort to understand the man.

If he's had a long standing profile picture of the two of them, taking it down would be a huge statement to people who probably don't even know you. Her family, people from their youth etc.

I’m not immature at all and respect his past and what he has been through. I am protective of not getting hurt though. She isn’t here anymore but that doesn’t mean he is ready for a new relationship

Yeah I’d probably step away if I were you. My Mum found love with another partner after being widowed in her early fifties, but her partner was also a widower so properly understood how she felt about my Dad’s memory (and vice versa).

It’s not a situation you can really just “respect” in the abstract.

Thank you for all the posts. Ratpoo is the exception. I have feelings too and these things need to be worked through hence my questions

Have you asked him about it?

No I’m not asking. If he wants that as his profile photo then that is what he should do

Your insecurities need to be worked through,

Your feeling insecure about a dead womans photos. His dead wife, who he had children with, a lifetime of memories. He will always have some love for her. You shouldn't of got in a relationship with someone a year/18 months after his wife passed away. It was never going to end well dating a grieving widower.

But you could ask him why, and then you might get it? You're right you can't ask him to change it.

We lost my mum 3 years ago nearly. My dad moved on pretty quickly and started seeing someone 6 months later, and he still has photos of us as a family up (he’s taken most down though).

Partly as his new gf felt uncomfortable being in the house with pictures of my mum up, and partly as it was a way of him letting go and moving on (he doesn’t have Facebook but he would have changed photo if he had and more importantly knew how to!).

That process moves at different speeds for different people.

Yes. I can see that. Thing is, though, it might not be something he's even thought about. Or he might not want to change it in case it upsets family. What I mean is - it might well have nothing at all to do with his feelings for you. He might love you very much.

However.....Tbh after 18 months I think there could be a few photos of you on his timeline. You say he uses FB regularly. No photos of you anywhere seems, to me, to indicate that he's trying to avoid upsetting anyone

I agree with this. Changing it could maybe upset a lot of his friends and family? Being in a relationship you would have to accept that had his wife not died, they would still be together. Many people get buried together etc. This is reflected in things like profile photos.

Maybe he is keeping those pictures as they are to please other people or not cause offence. I would have to ask him because I would want reassurance that he was in fact ready to date. But I don't know how you would phrase that without sounding approving and if you did sound disapproving that would probably cause issues.

I think you are right. We have beeen away a couple of times so a photo on his timeline would help