Should I keep trying with a man whose anxiety affects texting?

[TheLobsterClub]

Ok so I met a man during a recent holiday, had a drink with him the next day while we were both still away and he said he really wanted to take me out when we got back home (he lives fairly local).

We had a few texts when we got home but I found it really frustrating as I'd ask him when he was free and he wouldn't reply for a couple of days. When he did reply he basically said sorry he's been really busy (come on mate, I work 60 hours a week and can still manage to send a text) and then the cycle repeats. He did ask me on a date at one point but it was too short notice and I already had plans.

He's then messaged last night after a couple of weeks of silence to say he's really sorry to have treated me like that but his anxiety has been really bad lately. I do suffer from depression and anxiety (and I'm autistic) myself so I do get it, but I handle mine by staying in touch with people as the silence feels like rejection.

I honestly don't mind that he has anxiety - but I'm worried this will keep happening and we'll never get a date! Do I give it up as a bad job or keep persevering...

Give up. If he was that keen, he'd make the effort.

Sorry to be blunt!

A hard no .

Absolutely not. Irrelevant whether he didn’t firm up a date because he has anxiety or a wife. Not working for you, poor communicator, already making excuses.

Lol at 'a couple of weeks of silence!'

Errrm just no OP.

He's not your project and someone needs to tell him that dating isn't mandatory, so if he can't manage it, he doesn't have to do it.

He doesn’t sound arsed tbh. Might of seemed like a good idea at the time for him but changed his mind, move on x

It’s not really worth it is it.
He might have anxiety and that might be the reason but the situation remains the same… mismatch communication expectations. I think you’d be setting yourself up for disappointment with this one.

Nothing to do with anxiety

He is not keen
Have some self respect @TheLobsterClub

Don’t waste your time. Block. Delete. Move on.

@TheLobsterClub if he wanted you, youd have been on the date already and had another one planned in

What is the saying ? “If it’s something you really want to do, you will find time. If it isn’t, you will find an excuse”

Sounds like any future with this one is likely to bring stress and unhappiness.

Thankyou, next.

As an autistic woman who spent years overinvesting in and ruminating over worthless men, can I say HARD NO.

Sounds like he's already taking up undeserved space in your head. Anyone who makes you feel angsty and stressed at the very beginning is to be avoided.

Build a wall in your head and put this man firmly on the other side of it. Centre yourself.

You're incompatible.

If you deal with your anxiety by seeking contact, and he deals with his anxiety by seeking space, this will cause major issues unless you can agree some middle ground.

Don't judge his anxiety response, it is not necessarily 'worse' than yours.

Resurrecting this one from 30 years ago- he’s just not that into you. Move on

Even if it was anxiety (and I'm 100% sure it isn't), imagine the stress of trying to communicate with him as a partner.

It's disappointing, but better to know now that he's useless and/or not into you, rather than later on.

Don't let his messing you about anxieties rule your life. You hardly know him and it is a waste of time trying to keep things going. Sounds like he is not in the right headspace for a relationship anyway.

Let this one go.

It's a none starter OP. He doesn't want to meet up. Just delete his number and arrange a night out with your pals.

@gamerchick easier said than done 😂 I’m in that life stage where everyone needs at least 3 months notice to do anything (except for me but I’m the only single one with no kids!)

He’s full of shit . Imagine what his apathy towards you would be like in a relationship 🫪

Nobody needs 3 months notice if they're keen to date someone.

Ahh ignore me, just realised you were talking about arranging to see friends.

He doesn't have anxiety. He just isn't interested.

If he wanted to, he would.

He's not interested or married, it's a definite no.

But Mumsnet is very confusing - if a 21-year-old man says he suffers from crippling anxiety, many want him to be given large state handouts so he doesn't have to have a job.

But if a 21-year-old man says his anxiety means he can't reply to a woman by text, then they can all see through it and say he must be binned.

It's really hard to tell. A few of my friends claim to be unable to send a text along the lines of 'Happy birthday' or 'Hope your mum is feeling better now' because they are too busy or too stressed. I'm unimpressed by that, but maybe this man really is too anxious to make a date with you. If so, he's not a good bet as either a friend or possible lover.
In your position I think I would say 'Sorry to hear that, and it looks as if meeting up won't work at the moment. Please get in touch if you feel better and want to meet'.

If a person isn't keeping in touch with you and checking in regularly than they’re more than likely not bought into the idea of being with you.
They're just keeping you open as an option (and as a man I can say men are particularly bad at doing this).

You can make allowances for the anxiety part BUT I think the way he’s been so far, signals you should probably start looking elsewhere.

Yes and that seems to be making you very desperate. You need to start seeing these interactions for what they are. A man has a drink with you and off handed mentioned taking you out for a drink locally. Since then, he has made no effort whatsoever. He doesn’t want to say “back off, I mentioned taking you for a drink without really thinking you’d hound me down” so instead this is dragging on.

Leave it.