Need advice on getting violent husband out of the house

[Ash1221]

HELP. Please looking for some advice. I’ve had a free consultation with a solicitor for 15 mins but can’t afford the £350 p/h. Long story short my husband and I have had problems over the years. On 3 separate occasions he has been violent to me, please don’t judge me for staying with him, I’m here because I need help and advice. I have a teenage son from a previous marriage. My current husband and I have a 4 year old, he is however severely disabled with learning difficulties and completely non verbal and prone to screaming/lashing out if unhappy. I don’t want to go into his condition. A couple of months ago husband hurt the 4 year old. That for me ended the marriage, he was regretful and moved out. I started looking at divorce, but I don’t work, I hardly sleep looking after our boy is a full time job with next to support from local authority. I can’t leave him with husband as I’m scared for him. Again please don’t judge, I need advice and help – a few weeks ago I let husband come back home, again he ended up hurting our 4 year old, nothing too bad, but very hard slaps leaving marks and obviously hurting him. He moved out again.
Today I’ve come home and husband is here, refusing to leave. Saying tough I need to put up with it. He’s been going through all my things, he has trackers on my phone and he won’t leave me alone. I’ve driven off to tesco with the kids now. I need help, I need to know how I can move forward. The house is in both our names, we’ve been together for 8 years. I don’t even care about getting equity out of the divorce I just need peace until I can find a way to make the divorce happen. I have no family here (I’m from Australia) he has family in London he has been staying with, but now refusing to leave. I don’t want to phone the police – say what? He’s hurt me and the child a few times please ask him to leave? The violence (to me) has been noted by our GP so it’s on record, his family are wealthy and know he has been violent and have offered to give money to rent somewhere but he wont.

How do I get him out of the house? How do I even get divorced when I have no income? I really don’t want to go to police unless it’s the only choice I have. Is there someone I contact for help?

I should add I used to work, but with our disabled child I can't it's full time+ looking after him

I'm so sorry you're in this position. Have you called Women's Aid? They can help you.

I’m so sorry OP, this sounds awful. Why don’t you want to go to the police?

call womens aid and try to get a place in a refuge. no house is worth your and your child's safety. Get out first, sort housing after.

I've not called anyone, just here using google and this forum came up. Can they help with advice? Help with divorce? The first thing I need is him out the house

Call Women’s Aid

At the very top of this post, Mumsnet has:

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see ...
It then has links.

https://www.dss.gov.au/help-and-support-ending-violence
Make contact with local support. If you don't able to phone the police. You need to go to a women's refuge. Don't go home. Do you have a friend you can contact for support. The risk of him being violent again and it escalating is significant if he knows you are wanting things to end permanently.

Don’t leave the house.
Google how to get an Occupation Order.
Report the assault to the police via 101
Call Women’s Aid for advice
Google how to get legal aid in DV cases

NB: is your immigration status secure or dependent on your husband?

I agree, with all the advice above. Are you on reliant on him for immigration purposes?

secure, British born, family moved to Oz when i was 19

no not at all

Isn't she in the UK?

Sorry should add if it wasn't clear. I'm British born, my family and I moved to Oz when i was 19. I came back here (England) 9 years ago when my marriage in Oz fell apart. So I'm fully British Citizen, living in UK now

Please call the police.

Ok. Sorry apologies I thought you were in aus. Drive to nearest police station if you are still out in the car. He has been violent to yourself and your very vulnerable child. They can arrest him which would give you some time to gather essential stuff and get somewhere safe if needed on the short term.

you need the police. You state what you have here- violent to a very vulnerable child on last two occasions and violent to you.

I’m so sorry, could you fill in an online form to the police? I know you said you don’t want to contact the police. It’s how I managed to escape, my exh was arrested the next day. The police put a marker on the house and a six month non molestation order. They put me in touch with NCDV who helped to get me an occupation order for six months extended for a year. In this time I organised the divorce, you may be able to qualify for legal aid to help with the costs of the divorce. It took me six months to complete. I honestly don’t know where I’d be without the help from police. You could also get in touch with women’s aid and they may be able to help with a shelter for yourself and the kids. Xx

Police will arrest him and hopefully bail him to stay away from your home. Or you can get legal aid nornally for domestic violence court applications for an order to keep him away from you. Speak to women’s aid and the police he’s assaulted you and your child.

I’m confused by your post. You don’t seem to want to do the things that are absolutely necessary to make this happen. My FIL was an incredibly abusive man. My MIL was unwilling to do what she needed to do to get away from him until he created a situation when she was incredibly vulnerable and elderly to force her out of her home. You don’t have many choices and they all involve the police and women’s aid. I honestly pray that you find the strength to do what my MIL was never able to do. You deserve so much better.

Please don't go home and go to the police.

You cant return to the house with him in it. This behaviour doesn't get better, only worse. Drive to the police now and tell them what you told this forum.

Drive to the local police station and tell them everything

If you had reported his abuse to the police at the time there would have been evidence and he would have been arrested and bailed not to return to the house. It may be too late now. However you should still report it, and the violence to you. If you're lucky he will be arrested and given bail conditions.

Please drive to the nearest police station now. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, especially when your family are so far away. The police will arrest him and remove him from the property. You will also then be entitled to legal aid for the divorce and restraining order