Partner prioritising son’s mental health and I miss him terribly

[Irishlady90]

I really need some advice as I don't know what to do, I've been in a relationship for just over six months, we have both said that we love each other, the problem is we live an hour away from each other and haven't seen him the past month because of work , children, and neither of us drive so we rely public transport, we were meant to be meeting this weekend but his son who is 14 is now staying with him as his son is going through some mental health issues, I don't want to sound selfish but I miss my partner so much but he says the most important thing right now is sorting out his son , I feel like I would be intruding on there father/son time if I go up there this weekend I know I'm probably sounding selfish but I really miss my partner and he says he misses me to , haven't seen him before n give weeks, we video call but it is not the same any advice would be greatly appreciated thank you

Advice? Respect him choosing his son over you. Wait until he’s got the time to see you, and in the meantime, call and FaceTime. Unless you think the son is an excuse and he doesn’t really want a relationship like you do?

I would struggle to believe it

How many times have you met in person over six months?

I can totally understand your disappointment and realistically if his son has MH issues it’s likely that will be an ongoing situation- therefore you should ask if you are willing to be patient and accept the constant changes in plans that could arise from that situation

Sometimes logistics get in the way and it sounds like this is not going to work for you going forward

This does sound like it could be shelving, I'm afraid

Good on him, his children need to come first. If you find it hard to accept that then walk away now before you’re in too deep for everyone’s sake.

You’d struggle to believe a man would prioritise his teenage son’s mental health? Says a lot about you

Good man.

Learn to understand that it's not always about you.

That's my polite answer.

He would be an arse of a man if he put a girlfriend of six months before his 14 year son who needs him. You have to decide if you want to be with a man who has other commitments besides you .

It's fair enough to want to spend time with someone you're dating, but he is a father and his responsibilities as a parent come first. You're an adult. Find something else to do with yourself this weekend - meet friends, go for a nice walk, read a good book etc.

In the longer term, you might want to consider whether this is the right relationship for you. Firstly, is he actually committed to the relationship or is he finding excuses not to bother. Secondly, are you happy to accept that his kids may always be his first priority?

You’re calling him your partner after 6 months? Such early days. And of course he must prioritise his son, even if you’d been together for 6 years or 16 years, this shows he is a good father.

Does he really have time and space for a relationship? Be careful in case you are put in a holding pattern, being thrown breadcrumbs to keep you hooked.

Is he much older than you?

You remind yourself that you’re an adult, and after only six months of barely seeing each other anyway, you can’t really miss him because you don’t have a significant change to how often you see him. Still, if you believe you live this person then you will want what is best for them, meaning that you will want him to prioritise his son over you.

It’s ok to miss him, but he is doing the right thing to put his child first.

This is life as a parent, especially a parent of a child with additional needs of any kind. At any moment, you may have to drop your own plans. Sometimes, there is little room in life for anything beyond making sure the bills are paid and caring for your child.

He was Dad before he was your boyfriend, so if course he is going to prioritize his DC as he should.
Fill your own days, and maybe consider either one of you learning to drive, or dating someone closer to home?

Stop thinking of him as your partner. He is a man you are seeing who is correctly prioritising his son over his girlfriend.

Either accept this or move on.

Son of 14 years or 'partner' of six months? What a conundrum!

We usually see each other every weekend until the past month, we are both in our late 40s , he has already said that he misses me terribly but he needs to be there for his child

Are you sure about this or is it an excuse to get out of the relationship? Even if he needs to be there for his son he doesn't spend 24/7 with a 14 year old so I'm sure he could work out a way of seeing you as well.

So when does he normally raise his child if he’s with you every weekend?

Why don’t you just accept this then?

JFC how many more of these threads can we handle?
Why are so many women utterly desperate to encourage men to be utter dead beats??

Is it some sort of prize for fragile women that they can increase their self worth if they feel they have won a man’s attention over his children?

It hasn’t even been 6 months, at the very end of Jan she was in a 3 year relationship….

Do you not have any kids?

And in feb the issue was his job...
OP, I don't think this is the relationship for you. His priority is his son, rightfully so.

I would see it as a measure of a decent man.