Friend oversharing private stuff about her marriage

[OversharedTo]

I have a female friend who is experiencing some difficulties in her marriage. In short she has been considering leaving her DH because there she no longer finds him attractive. She has told me that her DH has been having some "difficulties" performing in the bedroom. She has also said she finds the thought of having an affair exciting, and has told me about men that she fantasises about. She is in her late 40s with grown-up DCs. I feel as though she is leaning on me too much with her concerns.

While I do sympathise with her plight, but it has been getting to the point where I almost feel like her unpaid therapist. I don't think it's my place to tell her if she should have an affair or not. I also don't particularly want to know about her sex life (or lack of it) with her DH. I think she would be better served talking to a paid therapist or mental health professional about these things. Is there a way for me to let her know I don't want her to lean on me or overshare as much, without completely giving her the brush-off? Or is cutting her off the best option?

Well the threads on MumsNet break down two ways. If a man has an affair he is evil incarnate, if a woman has an affair the position is split.

Sounds like you crave drama. I would tell someone to leave if they think they are going to have an affair. Once they are single they may have clarity of what they are really after.

On the other hand they can be the cheater who looses trust, and in their defence they can tell everyone you recommended it. I'm sure it does wonders for you among your friendship groups.

I feel like a good friend would hear her out, you can be very pointed in your advice but isn’t this precisely what friends are for, to share things you may nit be able to speak to anyone else about.

depends on how you offer the advice you could say it like option 1 , option 2 option 3 etc then its upto them on what they choose so if you did have explain then you can say they wanted advice so i suggested different ways to achieve x etc

Relationship issues are not a mental health issue. Let me be clear you do not needed to be treated by a mental healthcare professional.

It pisses me off no end people think they need treating for ‘life problems’ sometimes life is tough and it’s to be got through

You don’t sound v supportive is it just a surface level fair weather friendship?

Or... "I do sympathise but I worry that in a couple of months time you are going to recall all these deeply personal things that you have told me, feel really and quite justifiably embarrassed and want to distance yourself from me. Can we draw a line under this before that happens?'

Maybe she wanted to be told that it was a bad idea. Sometimes you know that and just want a friend to tell you to give your head a wobble.

Simple just tell her she’s oversharing and it’s making you uncomfortable.

No way would I discuss this with a friend. She shouldn't dump her marital issues with you and expect you to comment, she has no boundaries.

i agree with the suggestion for her to go to a trained marriage guidance counsellor, you aren't equipped to discuss this and if you give her advice and it all goes badly wrong guess who will get the blame, yes you,