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Original poster

AIBU to feel put off by my partner's hygiene habits?

27 replies

BySunnyOpalOtter · 05/07/2026 18:41

My partner (M) and I (F) have been together for 13 years and have two children together. He’s a good hearted, kind man who I know loves us. Since the fairly harrowing passing of my mum, and the birth of our youngest (age 3), we have lived life more as housemates, rather than romantic partners. I don’t want to break up and would like to get some ‘spark’ back but I’m finding myself ‘getting the ick’ over certain things, mainly bowel related, shall we say. He has always had bad guts; this has been investigated but he’s not received a diagnosis of any medical condition. I think it comes from his diet, in particular eating too much meat. The toilets are splattered - he does try to clean it but always misses bits - and he regularly leaves skids in his boxers (which I notice whilst sorted the washing). He also doesn’t seem to notice when his towel needs washing and I usually have to throw it into the wash basket when I smell it stinking! He’s quite sensitive to the bowel issues and gets defensive if I ever mention anything so I’m not sure how to tackle it! I’ve found myself wondering if we could stay together but live separately! However, this isn’t really an option for us financially, or whilst the kids are so young. Help! AIBU?!

OP posts:
SwatTheTwit · 05/07/2026 18:42

Maybe be really direct about it and also stop doing his laundry so that he’s the one who deals with it?

Johnogroats · 05/07/2026 19:11

I have been very direct about toilet splatter. Just this morning I said to DH and adult DS that I was fed up of being the only person who cleaned the toilets…. And they needed to do better. I’m going away for a few days and hoping I return to pristine loos….

Badbadbunny · 05/07/2026 19:18

He’s quite sensitive to the bowel issues and gets defensive if I ever mention anything so I’m not sure how to tackle it!

You need to stop pandering to him. If he leaves the loo in a mess, tell him to go and clean it up. Also maybe time to refuse to wash his soiled underwear and tell him to do it himself or he'll have to keep buying new pairs. You can't ignore it and put up with it just because he's "sensitive" about it.

PinkNailPolish2026 · 05/07/2026 19:19

He’s a dirty uncouth man and there’s no way I’d be pussy footing around him leaving a dirty toilet. I have 3 boys and they were taught from a young age you clean the toilet if you make a mess. If he’s not cleaning it, send him back to do it properly and I wouldn’t be caring about embarrassing him either. It’s disgusting and disrespectful. He’d be having a separate laundry bag for his underwear and washing them himself if he can’t clean himself properly, he’s an adult afterall. I wouldn’t be lifting the towel either if it smells, that’s up to him but if things didn’t change he’d be living on his own. Why people putting up with this is mind boggling.

Dobeebeedah · 05/07/2026 19:23

Put all soiled towels/underwear/clothing in the bin. Then he has to buy new weekly/daily. He has to learn to clean himself. Regarding the toilet itself: He can only use one and has to clean it himself twice a day. There is no other way to train/live with him.

Bitzee · 05/07/2026 19:29

The disrespect is unreal. Of course an adult can clean a toilet and wash some pants properly. He just wants you to do it for him.

Nutmuncher · 05/07/2026 19:31

Skid marks in his boxers? How can he poo and then not shower afterwards? Does he actually know how to clean himself properly? I fully understand why you avoid being intimate with him, never knowing what surprises are lurking down there.

LTB

margaritabonita · 05/07/2026 20:05

Exactly as others have said: people will treat you the way you allow them to. Dont be a mug OP and tell him outright how disrespectful it is.

margaritabonita · 05/07/2026 20:06

Also, use toilet wet wipes if he has skiddies in his boxers 🤢

Temporaryname158 · 05/07/2026 20:11

Well he can solve a lot of this easily if he wants to

1.he is using weaponised incompetence. He can clean a toilet as well as you. Make sure bleach and a toilet brush is by the toilet. No excuses and tell him you won’t be wanting to hear any

2 Toilet wet wipes. He must see the paper is still dirty when he pulls up his pants which is gross! He need to clean himself properly.

3 the towel issue needs to be firmly dealt with and make him use a new one daily and be responsible for laundering his own towels.

tell him you will leave him over these issues if he doesn’t step up!

Dorothyperky · 05/07/2026 20:15

I think buy some andrex wet wipes and a bathroom peddle bin. He needs to wipe himself that way. Is he unwell? Can he reach behind? If it's a huge problem he may need a Japanese loo. They spray after and have been used here for disabilities.
Too much meat could lead to colon cancer. Plenty of studies on that.
I wouldn't fancy him either.

EnterFunnyNameHere · 05/07/2026 21:29

If he is really medically unable to prevent these issues, I.e. is incontinent, he needs to seek GP support ASAP. Otherwise, he is just being a filthy fucker and you need to be far less protective of his precious feelings and far more protective of your own!

beadystar · 05/07/2026 21:45

OP, outside of serious illness, if you made a mess of the loo and had accidents in your underwear would you just expect someone else to clean it all up for you? Stop making excuses for him. You aren’t his mum and he isn’t 2.

Specialneedsnightmare · 05/07/2026 21:50

I would have to tell him that cleaning his underwear and towels is putting me off having sex with him so unless he cleans up his act - literally- intimacy is off the table. You might find he's more motivated to change after that.

Mossstitch · 05/07/2026 21:55

I have three adult sons, I have never had dirty boxers from any of them since they were about 3 years old! This is not normal or acceptable.......tell him straight!!!!

GrinchPink · 05/07/2026 21:55

Leave wet tissues (the ones you can throw down the toilet) by the toilet. Don’t make a big deal just say - i got ale wet tissues for the toilet, feel free to use them.
hopefully he’ll get the hint.

Jk987 · 05/07/2026 21:55

He tries to clean the toilet but misses bits. He’s not trying then is he? Because unless he’s got poor eyesight it’s not hard to get the toilet spotless. 🤢

CossyBunt · 05/07/2026 21:55

Why can’t he wipe his arse properly? Is that an actual medical condition?

Jk987 · 05/07/2026 21:58

GrinchPink · 05/07/2026 21:55

Leave wet tissues (the ones you can throw down the toilet) by the toilet. Don’t make a big deal just say - i got ale wet tissues for the toilet, feel free to use them.
hopefully he’ll get the hint.

Why do you have to hint to your own husband? Why not be an adult and be direct? It’s his own fault for being so minging.

Pinkissmart · 05/07/2026 22:43

He doesn’t clean up after himself but is sensitive about you mentioning it? Which results in you cleaning everything and saying nothing.

Nicely played- what a result

TheThirteenthFairy · 08/07/2026 09:20

Nutmuncher · 05/07/2026 19:31

Skid marks in his boxers? How can he poo and then not shower afterwards? Does he actually know how to clean himself properly? I fully understand why you avoid being intimate with him, never knowing what surprises are lurking down there.

LTB

A shower isn't always possible after a poo. But he can use a lota (Amazon) with trousers at his ankles. A lota is a wonderful thing, and very easy to use. Provide one of these, and wait a week. If he is still leaving skiddies in his pants, then you will know that he sees dealing with his shit to be your job - and you can act accordingly.

DancingLions · 08/07/2026 09:42

If you have bowel issues, sometimes there's "leaks". It can't be helped and doesn't mean he's not wiping himself properly. I mean, maybe he isn't but it's not the only explanation.

However, when you have bowel issues you also need to thoroughly clean up after yourself. So yes, he does need to do better.

GrinchPink · 09/07/2026 07:25

Jk987 · 05/07/2026 21:58

Why do you have to hint to your own husband? Why not be an adult and be direct? It’s his own fault for being so minging.

Show quote history

Of course you shouldn’t have to do it, but he clearly got some sort of issue.

Musicaltheatremum · 09/07/2026 08:11

GrinchPink · 05/07/2026 21:55

Leave wet tissues (the ones you can throw down the toilet) by the toilet. Don’t make a big deal just say - i got ale wet tissues for the toilet, feel free to use them.
hopefully he’ll get the hint.

You shouldn't throw any down the toilet. None of them are suitable for this despite the manufacturer claims.

chingachush · 09/07/2026 08:22

You have two separate issues here. One the hygiene and two the bowel issues.
My DH has Crohn’s - of course anything bowel related is going to be a sensitive issue but how unaware is he? If he’s sensitive to it then why is he not cleaning up the mess, why is he not doing his own washing to essentially hide the skid marks that he’s got? You’ve pandered to him by not bringing this up before. My main concern would be that he has something going on internally and he should be getting checked out for that, encourage him to go to the GP and see a Dr so that they can do investigates into that. If he isn’t willing to do that then you need to be more direct with him - he can clean the toilet, he can do his own washing, etc.
The hygiene issue is the same, my partner & I use a towel a day each we both have 2 washes a day (yes it might be excessive to some but we prefer that), some other people use a towel 2 or 3 times but surely he can’t ignore the smell of it if he’s using it more than that - tell him from now on it’s x amount of times then a new towel. I do understand that you’ve been through a hard time and you may have not felt comfortable to confront him about it but nothing is going to change romantically or emotionally if it continues on like this and for him something could be medically wrong. Thats not great to have issues like that and just have no concern for his own well being.