Friend is "sick" all the time and asking for help

[Saddaughter999]

Hello everyone, looking for advice - my friend has some ongoing issues with her husband and their marriage and I strongly believe she pretends to have some "mysterious" illnesses to keep him.
Everything started a yer ago when she told me about their marriage issues- husband had problems with alcohol, both slept in separate rooms, no intimacy, etc. I didn't know all the details but my husband told me some gossips because he works with her husband. Turned out he tried to offer divorce but she refused (she didn't tell me about it).
Since then - she had probably more than 20 GP visits, around 10 visits to A&E with every single body part in pain. She had MRI, multiple scans, bloods, etc - she is perfectly fine. For the last couple of months she started to ask my help to go to A&E as she feels "so bad", that she can't be on her own. We bumped to the same staff members at A&E and even they asked me questions about her mental health as they recognised her coming every few days.
However, she seems to be absolutely fine when she wants, she recently had a holidays with other friends and spent a week at 40+ degrees with zero issues. As soon as she landed to uk- she's sick again- stomach, ears, back, brain fog, blurred vision- possibly every single illness. Yesterday she had a party with our friends and today she's calling me again, to help with A&E.
She is alone in UK, we both arrived here from the same country. However, I feel that I'm just wasting my time (as usually we spent around 12hrs at A&E). As someone who had depression by myself, I strongly believe it's not her issue....
Any thoughts? Thank you

It's people like your mate have a&e on its knees.. genuine people sat for hours because of her..
Start turning off your phone to her calls.

Messages 50 times a day and eight calls! As others have said, you don’t have to respond to every message. Fair enough the first couple of times, but not on a regular occurrence.

She could genuinely have a disease but it’s more likely that she either has health anxiety or is just plain lying.

My brothers gf was very controlling and abusive and each time he’d mention wanting to separate she’d call an ambulance or rush to A&E with cancer or a miscarriage etc - she never had anything wrong with her.

Some people also learn that they get attention when they’re poorly and so will fake illnesses because they enjoy the attention.

Definitely don’t allow her to take advantage of you, else it will only get worse.

She’s a grown woman and if she needs to see the doctor then she can get the bus if she can’t drive herself.

Her husband is not abusive, I think it's even opposite- she is the one who makes his life miserable. I'm pretty sure he simply had enough of her and asked for divorce. She is very controlling, even with me.
Divorce would destroy her life, she has school aged kids, no job since marriage (around 12 years). She still got a lot of money from husband, she can afford trip to Dubai for a week, expensive clothes.

Yes, she is lying a lot. Few weeks ago she was asked if she could be pregnant (symptoms related nausea, vomiting), she said "might be", did pregnancy test. Couple of days after she was asked the same question at GP and said she was not intimate more than a year.

She’s doing it for attention then if she’s making things up. Look up Muschems.

You need to distance yourself from this person pronto.

my reading is she is losing attention from her husband, who has had enough and now she is latching onto you.

Reminder that you don’t need to have contact with anyone who is a toxic influence in your life. 50 texts is she having a laugh?

You need to say, Sorry I can’t take you this time. If it’s genuine, she will have to ask her husband.

I have a family member who goes to A&E regularly and has bipolar. They often ask for a lift or for money to get there and back. Sometimes it is in the middle of the night. It’s hard to say no but I have to.

Weather or not your friend is sick is beside the point. You can help her here and there but you are not her carer. She is taking advantage of you.

Just stop your involvement.You are responding to all messages here but just to double down on your position.

I actually just refused again, she was calling me from 7pm, asking to help with A&E. I advised her to go to private clinic tomorow where they'll happily do any ultrasound or bloods, sent her booking number as there is a doctor who speaks our native language.
She is still texting me with photos of medicine prescribed at A&E and asking how many tablets she should take - she has bloody sticker with dosage on it !

well done on not submitting to her request, but instead, bring constructive. You’ve been supportive, but not controlled by her demands.

Text her back, and say you are going to bed, and won't be replying to any more texts. It's attention seeking behaviour

Her health and happiness are not your responsibility.

If you get nothing out of your friendship then let her know that she asks too much of you and you don't think you can continue going on like this, then block her.

Asking once or twice is asking for a favour, asking all the time is taking advantage and you can't continue letting her take advantage of you.

My daughter has Factitious Disorder. She had a traumatic start (she’s adopted). I understand the reasons, but it’s not easy as she’s relentless with it, and gets aggressive if anyone suggests she isn’t actually ill.

OP run!

Why are you maintaining a relationship with this woman?

Honestly OP it’s amazing how supportive you’ve been until now. But I honestly think it’s now going to be kinder to stop enabling her behaviour.

She’s clearly got some mental health issues and it’s not your job to fix them.

Either an honest reply that you’re unable to help her going forward as it’s causing you health and financial issues. Or for now an illness/family emergency/work issue/lost phone.

I’d advise you block her number if you possibly can.

Tell her to look at the label and that your going to bed. Stop replying, tomorrow just ignore your phone.

I can't block her entirely from my life, our kids go to the same afterschool club, she lives localy... However, she knows I'm very busy and I will tell her tomorrow that unfortunately, I don't even have a time for messages and calls anymore.
Thank you everyone. In the first few months I felt sorry for her, thought she's struggling regarding marriage issues. She is alone in UK, me too, I generally wanted to help her.

You're going to have to put up strong boundaries with her because she's trying to make her serious issues your problem.

Tell her no more rides to the ER or company while she's waiting. She gets 1 call or text a day, no more. I mean 50 texts a day is wildly inappropriate and taking up too much of your time. You do not have time for this and she's trying to engulf you like she's engulfed her husband.

Is she possibly drug seeking? Whatever it is, she needs help far beyond the level you can give and the more you give, the more she'll take. This is not a friendship. You have someone trying to enmesh them self with you.

You'll likely end up having to block her, she sounds mentally ill.

I’ve got friends for over 30 years and I wouldn’t send them 50 messages a day.
I think you need to be blunt either block her or tell her to stop

Can I ask how you know this?

You need to put very firm and clear boundaries in place.

Because I was with her

Don’t entertain any of this. She’s not got a life threatening illness and enjoys holidays etc. Concentrate on your own family and stop engaging. She’s an energy vampire!!