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Original poster

Struggling with my husband's cross-dressing and what it could mean

60 replies

Stressed78 · 04/07/2026 09:33

Hi all, looking for advice. My husband crossdresser, he told me before we got married, but I didn't realise the extent of it/thought it was just a silly thing. We've been married now for a couple of months and it seems to be spiralling,with him buying stuff online and wanting to remove body hair, he says it's a compulsion and he just needs to do it every now and then and things seem to be escalating not just with the crossdressing but things in the bedroom seem to be getting a bit, unusual, wanting p*ing and him doing stuff to one of the very anotmically correct "toys" he's bought. He used to be in a relationship with a trans female years ago also. When I write it all down it sounds insane, like how have I been so blind to not see that he's clearly got some sexuality/gender issues. Outside of all this stuff he's a wonderful husband and father, honestly couldn't credit him enough on that front, but it is affecting my attraction to him and making me worry that one day he's going to say he's gay or trans and the whole marriage has been a sham. I don't know much about the crossdressing scene or anything so if I've used to the wrong words or come across rude about it I don't mean to, I'm just not sure how to word things properly! Has anyone got any experience with this? Everything I'm reading online makes it sound like it's just a step on the way to full blown transitioning and it's inevitable.

OP posts:
Bonkers1966 · 04/07/2026 15:54

He tricked you into marriage to provide a cover for his true nature. Disgusting man.

Luckydog7 · 04/07/2026 16:04

He doesn't need to be gay or bi or transgender. It sounds likely it's AGP. He has a sexual fetish, is aroused by seeing/imagining himself as a woman. This can include being sexually submissive (as they see it) by being penetrated as a woman is. Is any of his other bedroom activity putting him in a 'female' role?

VickyEadie · 04/07/2026 16:13

Stressed78 · 04/07/2026 09:33

Hi all, looking for advice. My husband crossdresser, he told me before we got married, but I didn't realise the extent of it/thought it was just a silly thing. We've been married now for a couple of months and it seems to be spiralling,with him buying stuff online and wanting to remove body hair, he says it's a compulsion and he just needs to do it every now and then and things seem to be escalating not just with the crossdressing but things in the bedroom seem to be getting a bit, unusual, wanting p*ing and him doing stuff to one of the very anotmically correct "toys" he's bought. He used to be in a relationship with a trans female years ago also. When I write it all down it sounds insane, like how have I been so blind to not see that he's clearly got some sexuality/gender issues. Outside of all this stuff he's a wonderful husband and father, honestly couldn't credit him enough on that front, but it is affecting my attraction to him and making me worry that one day he's going to say he's gay or trans and the whole marriage has been a sham. I don't know much about the crossdressing scene or anything so if I've used to the wrong words or come across rude about it I don't mean to, I'm just not sure how to word things properly! Has anyone got any experience with this? Everything I'm reading online makes it sound like it's just a step on the way to full blown transitioning and it's inevitable.

If you've only been married a couple of months, how could you not have known the extent of this before?

And whose are the children he's a "good father" to?

SweatiestTaboo · 04/07/2026 16:15

This is all about him, isn’t it? His wants, his fetishes, his ‘compulsion’.

Whether he’s gay, bi or might think he is trans…the main issue right now is that all of this stuff is off-putting for you and he doesn’t seem to care.

My sexual attraction to a man who was into all of this would die a death, and his lack of care about my needs and wants would nail the coffin shut.

He isn’t going to change, so you have to decide if this is what you want from your marriage and life partner - or not.

Purplecatshopaholic · 04/07/2026 16:20

Hmmm. I’m sorry op. He may be trans. He may ‘just’ like cross dressing. He may be gay, or bi. The point is, he isn’t being honest with you, or possibly himself. This marriage is not going to work. He sounds very selfish, and it’s all about him. I’d be getting out now before things ramp up, as they will..

Rubyslipperswitch · 04/07/2026 17:09

OP you don't have to put up with any of his fetish/fantasies/kinks.

He did not tell you the truth about the extent of his obsession with cross-dressing before you married.

Don't wait any longer and talk to a lawyer about getting this marriage annulled as you were lied to.

thelongesday · 04/07/2026 17:27

Run a fucking mile.

Ibrox · 04/07/2026 17:56

For a start, you should never have married an oddball like him in the first place. He's lied to you from the word go. How the Hell did you think it would go for God's Sake? Get out of this, please...

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 04/07/2026 17:59

What it "could mean" for me would be a divorce.

There is just no way i'd live like this.

No matter how hard it was to leave it would be 1000 times easier than staying gaslighting myself while slowly having a total mental breakdown in front of my kids while he follows his bliss and is praised as stunningly brave.

ItchyDoggyDawg · 04/07/2026 18:06

The things is, men years ago that had this fetish would probably hide it at all costs from their wives. I bet countless women had cross dressing husbands and a healthy amount of shame kept it hidden and they never knew.

Now men think they have the right to parade their sexual fetishes in public and go so far as demanding involvement, validation and approval from their wives and even their kids!!!

It's utterly vile.

Nothing is private anymore.

Missj25 · 04/07/2026 18:37

NewGirlInTown · 04/07/2026 15:50

Divorce court for you. He sounds disgusting and has clearly lied and misrepresented himself before marriage.
You may even have grounds for annulment.

How does he sound disgusting ??? with your narrow minded bullshit !!.
OP said he is a good husband & Father .
He told Op he is a cross dresser in the bedroom & previously was dating a trans woman.
I agree he didn’t fully disclose his sexual interests, there is incompatibility there .
A sit down obviously has to be had .
Hope it works out for everyone concerned.

ItchyDoggyDawg · 04/07/2026 18:43

Missj25 · 04/07/2026 18:37

How does he sound disgusting ??? with your narrow minded bullshit !!.
OP said he is a good husband & Father .
He told Op he is a cross dresser in the bedroom & previously was dating a trans woman.
I agree he didn’t fully disclose his sexual interests, there is incompatibility there .
A sit down obviously has to be had .
Hope it works out for everyone concerned.

Show quote history

Appropriation of womanhood as a sexual fetish IS disgusting.
He isn't dressing as a woman and doing anything other than wanking over himself and wanting his poor wife to fuck him in the arse 🤢
What part of that isn't disgusting?!

His sexual fetish is spilling over into their lives so badly that she is considering divorce.

If my husband told me he did not like something sexually I would take it off the table and never mention it again. No sexual act is more important than my husbands comfort and security in our marriage.

Him choose stockings and a dildo over his wifes feelings is DISGUSTING.

ScrollingLeaves · 04/07/2026 18:46

Ask in the ‘Feminism: Sex and gender’ for very informative answers.

ScrollingLeaves · 04/07/2026 18:49

he's a wonderful husband and father, honestly couldn't credit him enough on that front,

How is he a father as I had the impression you had not been together all these years long?

His children may not think he is wonderful if they know.

Marleyandme71 · 04/07/2026 18:55

DurinsBane · 04/07/2026 15:32

I recommend you google it! 😁

Show quote history

Hahahaha I just did. Sounds like I was right 😂.

ScrollingLeaves · 04/07/2026 18:59

Re ‘Wonderful father’
Perhaps he is, as you say, but you might want to look at what these Children of Transitioners think:
childrenoftransitioners.org/

Notabarbie · 04/07/2026 19:00

I'm sorry for your situation. If it were me, I would want to separate amicably now when it's all new and easier to do. You can have a lovely co-parenting relationship which will be best for you all. He cannot give you any assurances about the future because he seems to be discovering this about himself. You shouldn't have to share that journey he is on. It's not a requirement. The chances that you'll be left devastated at a later date are unknown but it's not going in a good direction for a happy marriage.

luckylavender · 04/07/2026 19:05

Inmyuggs · 04/07/2026 09:42

I guess hes bi and now hes married he can secretly carry out his fetishes and is he in contact with men sexually?
I dont get the p*ing thibg peeing or pentrating? .

Pegging I thought

Missj25 · 04/07/2026 19:07

ItchyDoggyDawg · 04/07/2026 18:43

Appropriation of womanhood as a sexual fetish IS disgusting.
He isn't dressing as a woman and doing anything other than wanking over himself and wanting his poor wife to fuck him in the arse 🤢
What part of that isn't disgusting?!

His sexual fetish is spilling over into their lives so badly that she is considering divorce.

If my husband told me he did not like something sexually I would take it off the table and never mention it again. No sexual act is more important than my husbands comfort and security in our marriage.

Him choose stockings and a dildo over his wifes feelings is DISGUSTING.

Show quote history

What I’ve picked up from OPS post is , she hasn’t said anything to him , she’s saying how she feels about all of this to us .
I doubt the man is inside in bed doing all of this stuff with his wife while she’s there asking him to stop, she hates it .
I did say there is an incompatibility there & she needs to sit down with him .

Of course I agree with what you’re saying , if your husband told you he didn’t like whatever sexually you would take it off of the table .

GrinchPink · 04/07/2026 19:07

There is someone in our distant family like that. They are retired, no one knew about this untill semi recently. Wife knew about cross dressing etc. Since day 1 pretty much. They lived like this for decades. Many many years later, now that they are both retired HE decided he wants to live as a women now 😬 they moved to completely new area and he is reinventing himself as a women.

FannyCraddocksPantry · 04/07/2026 19:08

Not sure how I would respond if my husband asked me to "peg" him. Probably burst out laughing.

Ibrox · 04/07/2026 19:10

ItchyDoggyDawg · 04/07/2026 18:43

Appropriation of womanhood as a sexual fetish IS disgusting.
He isn't dressing as a woman and doing anything other than wanking over himself and wanting his poor wife to fuck him in the arse 🤢
What part of that isn't disgusting?!

His sexual fetish is spilling over into their lives so badly that she is considering divorce.

If my husband told me he did not like something sexually I would take it off the table and never mention it again. No sexual act is more important than my husbands comfort and security in our marriage.

Him choose stockings and a dildo over his wifes feelings is DISGUSTING.

Show quote history

100% agree wholeheartedly. He's a disgusting, selfish weirdo.

estrogone · 04/07/2026 19:13

He lied to you. He covered the extent of this, probably because he was fearful you would dump him. It is sad you are also a victim of his lack of self acceptance (as complex as that may be).

Ultimately I would not be able to get past the lies. Only you know if you can OP.

He is what he is. He was not brave and you are suffering because of it.

Pancakesandcream33 · 04/07/2026 19:16

Luckydog7 · 04/07/2026 16:04

He doesn't need to be gay or bi or transgender. It sounds likely it's AGP. He has a sexual fetish, is aroused by seeing/imagining himself as a woman. This can include being sexually submissive (as they see it) by being penetrated as a woman is. Is any of his other bedroom activity putting him in a 'female' role?

Don't try to normalise it. ANY man that wants pegging is gay. Straight men don't like things going in there, not even a finger. A bi guy loves a finger.

ItchyDoggyDawg · 04/07/2026 19:25

Pancakesandcream33 · 04/07/2026 19:16

Don't try to normalise it. ANY man that wants pegging is gay. Straight men don't like things going in there, not even a finger. A bi guy loves a finger.

Show quote history

I'm really against what OP is going through but come on, this isn't true. The male G-spot is up the bottom and if a man likes his G-spot being stimulated by a finger or a toy by a woman that doesn't make him gay.

Being gay is same sex attraction. Being attracted to males sexually.

Enjoying having things up your bum with a woman doesn't have anything to do with homosexuality if there is no 2nd man involved!

Personally I think anything sexual to do with a bottom hole is gross and I don't understand how anyone can get turned on by stuff like that but in order to make clear and concise arguments we need to be factual. Straight men can enjoy anal activities within a heterosexual relationship and not have any attraction to men.