Caught husband using escort sites and massage parlours – feeling lost

[ThatBreezyPanda]

Hi, I’ve come on here hoping someone can give me some advice, i’m trying to keep this to myself as i’m feeling all sorts, embarrassed and hurt more than anything.

i’ve been with my husband for almost 5 years, we have 2 very young children, i’m only 6 months PP.
I discovered my husband had been booking “happy ending” massages a couple months before I gave birth. As I dived into everything more, it’s been 3 years which is when I was pregnant with my 1st.
messages upon message, some stuff you really don’t want to be reading. It was an addiction with B2B massages and hand relief was an optional service, I have been told he only went to get the b2b massage and that the masseuses were either in lingerie or clothed. Last year alone, he was going 3-4 times a month, for context he runs his own business and is always under pressure… thats why he goes to these massages for stress relief, there was no set time just spare of the moment 80% of the time.
whilst I would love to believe he didn’t get the happy ending, I don’t… I don’t understand how a man can go to these places whether they are legit or not and pay the full price as stated on the message, yet not get every inch of service advertised. He also admitted he’s gotten up to similar things whilst on holiday with his friends but received some types of pleasure… as i’m writing this I think I feel even more stupid.

Anyways, I decided to move forward with our marriage, as I was about to give birth and wanted to focus on my newborn…we’ve had a lot of arguments since, because also back then I discovered him on adultwork but only paying for gallery pics and him visiting trans websites… fast forward to now, I’ve gone snooping on his laptop and found that he’s been going for massages for quite some time way before me and he’s recently been on trans escort websites again!!! I’ve confronted him and given him an ultimatum because I’m just sick of it. If you are on adultwork or offer these types of massages, just tell me whats what with these men! Is it likely he had gone the whole way - FYI he also thinks what he has done is not classed as cheating.
which makes my blood boil…

@ThatBreezyPanda get screenshots and good legal advice. You can have your own happy new beginning with your children. It’s likely you only know the tip of a gigantic iceberg from what you’ve seen. Just assume everything he says is a lie from now on.

I feel for you but you do understand when you split up he can’t just set you adrift.
Staying in this marriage will kill you.
For the average husband dealing with stress might be playing football, watching a sport, going for a point.
It is not going to see a sex worker or paying for these sites.
He clearly has a fetish (if that’s the right word?) that as a woman you can’t deal with.

OP you deserve better than a man who has no respect for you and your kid.

Tell him to pack his bags and leave.

You and your kids don't need a porn addicted sleaze in your life.

He’s cheating on you with sex workers.

Divorce him and start again, you’ll never be happy knowing that he’s doing this behind your back. Also get an STD test ASAP.

i’m already annoyed at myself, i’m starting to feel depressed and if you knew me i’m a very strong person hence why I think i’ve been able to trail blaze through this up until now. He thinks just because he works hard it’s ok to feel entitled to such things and always down playing my mental load. If the shoe was on the other foot, I know what i’d be getting called and where i’d be now.

And thank you all for your kind words and advice

Keep digging to find that anger. He’s not entitled to use other people’s bodies because he’s stressed at work.
He is a nasty piece of work.
Free yourself and live your own life in peace and dignity.

I found out my now ex BF was using hookers (On Adultwork). He reassured me it was "just " a hand job and he only used them because he was stressed (aren’t we all). I gave him an ultimatum and he swore he would stop. Guess what? He didn't. Not only that, I discovered he was leaving reviews about the prostitutes on a punting forum. What a fool I was. I'm happily single now, although struggling financially, but it's worth it to be free from such a disgusting piece of filth.

Exactly 💯 % this

I really would consider if this is the sort of man you want your children to grow up around,these places a lot of those poor women come from Asia or Eastern Europe where they have been trafficked been victims or sexual assault and even rape.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you but I think you need to strongly consider your options it's absolutely awful he's done this to you ,but remember the ladies working in these places are victims to and people like like your DH are adding to their suffering

Oh, and from reading the reviews he left, he was getting much more than a hand job (I had to Google the abbreviations!)..!

@ThatBreezyPanda "I just want a peaceful life and for him and myself to be happy… is it too much to ask to be loved and appreciated"

You'll never have a peaceful life with him and he'll never love and appreciate you OP. He's basically living a double life and making a complete fool of you. I strongly recommend you get checked for STI's.

You're so right about this. On the punting forum I discovered my ex was on, there were comments like "I arrived at her place and quickly realized she was being pimped out, but I was horny so did the deed anyway ". Fucking disgusting.

I can promise you, this is exactly what you think
it is and It won’t get better. You 💯 need ti
leave. Please x
x

That's absolutely awful and sickening men like this need to be added to the SOR.

Yep, completely agree. It should be called a raping forum, not a punting forum. The stuff they say about the women is absolutely disgusting. And these pervs walk amongst us.

I'm sorry but apart from everything else, there's a very strong connection between trans prostitutes and STDs.

You both probably need to be tested.

Your husband sounds like he's bisexual and increasingly sexually attracted to men.

It can only go downhill from here.

Its an addiction that is hard to get over. That is 100% not an excuse for his disgusting cheating. I know someone who has it under control, its stll in there but, with phone monitoring apps he cannot risk anything. For this couple its in the past however, if the monitoring app was removed then he would start up again. The partner spent months checking the app for anything he was doing but now doesnt generally look at it but he doesnt know that. My advice would be to leave as number 1 but, if not an option i would recomend an app to monitor so he cannot do anything. Of couse, of he got a burner phone to bypass it then he doesnt want help and there is nothing you can do to force him. Absolute sympathy to you as ive seen this played out

Omg just no no no. It's dirty disgusting and he is CHEATING. If he respected you he would not do this. They may class themselves as Massauces they are not they are Prostitutes.

Sadly OP it is too much to ask to be loved and appreciated by this vile man. I'm so sorry he turned out to be such a loser.

I’ve got evidence of a lot of things- whatsapps, messages, emails, laptop history, bank statements, I even messaged one of them and she came back and said she doesn’t remember him and it’s 50/50 they ask for a hand job 😒 Can this info get me anywhere legally? Like the evidence I have… can courts favour me instead of him?

do you mean when it comes to custody ?
I don’t think the the courts will likely take anything that doesn’t directly effect the children into account

If your husband is going on trans websites, he is a chaser and also sexually attracted to men. You will need a full sti screening.
I’m so sorry OP. The shame is all his. Get rid of him. I would not be at all surprised if somewhere along the line he starts pretending he’s a woman.

I’ve booked one in! And why is it that I feel so embarrassed hence why I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about it, I tell my best friend everything. I’ve started to avoid her, I haven’t spoken to her in weeks.