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Relationships

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Gay/trans partner

18 replies

17jules · 30/06/2026 00:55

My first time posting, possibly outing as I don't know how to change my username. My emotions are all over the place at the moment and im heartbroken.
Partner of twenty years announced tonight he is gay. We have one child together who is 16.

Before we met he had a casual relationship with a man which involved him cross dressing also a couple of times with another man, I was told it was just him exploring as he was curious. A couple of incidents have happened over the years with the cross dressing but suddenly came to a stop until a few months ago I found another mobile phone at the side of the couch which didn'tbelong to any of us, so I switched it on and found out he had been to a clinic about him wanting to become female, he'd even had blood tests to start taking hormones, lots of chat gpt about him wanting to become a woman. Obviously I confronted him, he said he'd been thinking about it for at least a year and then put a stop to it all because he realised it wasn't what he wanted. I'm going to post just this bit as im Obviously pressing something and my text disappears. I can't type it all again

OP posts:
Spaghettimonsta · 30/06/2026 00:57

Leave him.

KittytheHare · 30/06/2026 01:00

What a nightmare for you, I’m so sorry. If it were me this would be the end of any relationship.

17jules · 30/06/2026 01:02

Things haven't been quite right since then, then tonight drops the bombshell on me. I'm beyond devastated, he's my soul mate we get on brilliantly, sex life is good, rarely argue. I feel like my life has ended. I've shouted at him tonight, I've sobbed I can't imagine my life without him. Our child is going to be heartbroken. Where do I go from here? You can ask me anything, I just need needed to share with someone.

OP posts:
feministmom4ever · 30/06/2026 01:05

How does he explain having sex with you, presumably on a regular basis, if he is gay?

17jules · 30/06/2026 01:09

He says he still loves me which i find confusing, considering he instigates sex.

OP posts:
17jules · 30/06/2026 01:15

I've built my whole life around him, im still madly in love with him, I feel physically sick at the thought of the rest of my life without him, him with someone else. I honestly feel my heart is breaking. I don't have the best mental health, I've been on antidepressants for over 25 years, currently peri menopausal and unable to take hrt, I'm scared how im going to get through this, I need to be here for my daughter and my heart is breaking for her. God I feel sick

OP posts:
occamsrazor26 · 30/06/2026 01:23

Spaghettimonsta · 30/06/2026 00:57

Leave him.

Nailed it.

Go look at the transwidows posts on Twitter/X. Then leave him.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 30/06/2026 01:25

I’m very sorry for you and your daughter and I fully understand how painful it is to lose someone you thought was your soulmate like this, but I agree you need to be making plans to leave. He’s liberating himself, he’s not thinking of you or your family.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 30/06/2026 01:29

I note that even as men have it made clear to them that they aren’t women in law and don’t have access to women’s stuff, more and more are claiming to be “trans” which I imagine is because victimhood is desirable to them.

moderate · 30/06/2026 11:57

feministmom4ever · 30/06/2026 01:05

How does he explain having sex with you, presumably on a regular basis, if he is gay?

He probably means he's a lesbian.

VickyEadie · 30/06/2026 12:49

Ereshkigalangcleg · 30/06/2026 01:29

I note that even as men have it made clear to them that they aren’t women in law and don’t have access to women’s stuff, more and more are claiming to be “trans” which I imagine is because victimhood is desirable to them.

This. AND it's a fetish.

backformoreofthesame · 30/06/2026 12:53

17jules · 30/06/2026 01:15

I've built my whole life around him, im still madly in love with him, I feel physically sick at the thought of the rest of my life without him, him with someone else. I honestly feel my heart is breaking. I don't have the best mental health, I've been on antidepressants for over 25 years, currently peri menopausal and unable to take hrt, I'm scared how im going to get through this, I need to be here for my daughter and my heart is breaking for her. God I feel sick

This is horrible but you will get through and you may fine , like many before you, that your life is actually better. You being strongly in love often blinkers us, makes us put up with stuff that we shouldn’t have to

TinyRebel · 30/06/2026 12:57

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IrnBruAndDietCoke · 30/06/2026 13:03

Sorry he’s said he’s gay and trans? He actually said that? That seems really strange because the lexicon of the captured is usually “I’m a straight woman in a man’s body”. If he’s saying he’s gay surely he doesn’t really believe he’s also trans?
Either way, best to let him go. He’s not who you thought he was and it’s not worth wasting brain space trying to make sense of the fundamentally nonsensical.

threescoops · 30/06/2026 13:16

I'm so sorry OP, what a shock for you. He might be bisexual, he might be a heterosexual transvestite - autogynephilia is a common paraphilia that does not necessarily lead a man to transition or self id as women. Difficult for any woman to navigate, especially when you are worried about your daughter. You should find helpful info on these sites https://www.transwidowsvoices.org and https://childrenoftransitioners.org

Childrenoftransitioners.org

https://childrenoftransitioners.org

Sodthesystem · 30/06/2026 13:31

“Thinking about it for at least a year”. Ok so he’s not trans then in that case (cause it’s a brand new development). He’s some sort of autogynophile. Either that or he has internalised homophobia and thinks being a woman would set him free to date men.

Frankly though, who cares. He’s lied to you for 20 years.

Please get a std check as a matter of urgency. Becuase chances are he’s been on grinder too.

lavenderdinosaur · 30/06/2026 19:54

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