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Relationships

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Parasocial relationship

49 replies

Iridessia · 29/06/2026 10:29

I (39f) and DH (39m) have been together 18 years and have a DC (10f). We met while online gaming. DH has always been a gamer and that will never stop, i am more like a part time gamer and play games only when i can be bothered. Over the weekend i found out that DH has become very emotionally attached to a certain female youtuber who streams herself playing games, some of which are my DH favourite games. He has also became attached to her online community via discord.
I didnt mind until i realised that he was blurring the lines between talking about games to being more personal.
He would say stuff like the youtuber were "his ray of sunshine", "kindred spirit", "how she has that special something that makes anything entertaining" and things like how " at the end of his hard day at work her streams were what made his day".
It didnt just stop at addressing this youtuber...he wrote stuff into her online community channel on discord...like "she and her community are the only reason he can get out of bed in the morning to go to work", there was even an AI poster of the youtuber as a jedi with a droid on her back and he commented that the "protagonist was gorgeous and the side kick jedi was not bad either" just things that to me crossed boundries.
So after i saw these i seriously consisered leaving him but he said i was overreacting as he hadnt cheated, I told him to me it felt like an emotional affair. When challeneged about the stuff written he said that some stuff crossed the line and that he was just lonely for the friendship of gamers and he enjoyed her community and i was taking stuff out of context.
Guess what im looking for in a vent/rant and to see if im over reacting

OP posts:
CherryBlossom321 · 29/06/2026 10:30

Are you still attracted to him, now you know this?

LaPerruque · 29/06/2026 10:33

He sounds tragically juvenile, but it's not out of the ordinary for that kind of fan community, that kind of exaggerated language. I mean, someone who only gets out of bed because of someone who streams herself playing computer games would be a hard no from me, but you're married to him, Does he actually engage with the world?

Iridessia · 29/06/2026 11:26

CherryBlossom321 · 29/06/2026 10:30

Are you still attracted to him, now you know this?

I dont know where my feelings are atm, i love him but then the next i look at him and see what hes wrote so its kinda hard...but our relationship i thought had always been enough

OP posts:
Iridessia · 29/06/2026 11:28

LaPerruque · 29/06/2026 10:33

He sounds tragically juvenile, but it's not out of the ordinary for that kind of fan community, that kind of exaggerated language. I mean, someone who only gets out of bed because of someone who streams herself playing computer games would be a hard no from me, but you're married to him, Does he actually engage with the world?

He works full time, but yes his spare time is playing games, so in a way it is all fantasy build.

OP posts:
Lexy2345 · 29/06/2026 11:48

What is missing from his life? He must feel that something is, to have developed this absurd 'relationship' with a woman who doesn't even know him. I would be inclined to step away from him. An adult man who spends his free time gaming sounds very immature.

EverythingGolden · 29/06/2026 11:52

Do you spend any time together or is he just gaming all the time?

Iridessia · 29/06/2026 11:57

Lexy2345 · 29/06/2026 11:48

What is missing from his life? He must feel that something is, to have developed this absurd 'relationship' with a woman who doesn't even know him. I would be inclined to step away from him. An adult man who spends his free time gaming sounds very immature.

I didnt think we had anything missing from our lives that is what hurts. I was happy, i thought he was happy. When i asked him why? He replies that he doesnt have anyone to talk about gaming with so to be able to talk with the other fans on her community about his hobbys...i guess that whats missing as i dont really talk "games"

OP posts:
Iridessia · 29/06/2026 12:00

EverythingGolden · 29/06/2026 11:52

Do you spend any time together or is he just gaming all the time?

No we spend time together. He works a monday to friday 6am to 3.30 and i work monday to friday 3.30 to 7.30. So in a way we dont really interact until after i finish my shift but we have the weekends, but yes he is a big gamer so gaming take up a large part of his spare time. Sometimes i will join him and play with him but not as often now.

OP posts:
CherryBlossom321 · 29/06/2026 13:41

Iridessia · 29/06/2026 11:26

I dont know where my feelings are atm, i love him but then the next i look at him and see what hes wrote so its kinda hard...but our relationship i thought had always been enough

But do you find him attractive still? I think this is key because you can still love someone, but begin to find them unattractive based on new knowledge.

Iridessia · 29/06/2026 14:02

CherryBlossom321 · 29/06/2026 13:41

But do you find him attractive still? I think this is key because you can still love someone, but begin to find them unattractive based on new knowledge.

Yes, i do...but then sometimes when i let my mind think i start to look at him differently

OP posts:
1983Louise · 29/06/2026 14:15

Could you just unplug it and go out more in the real world and enjoy yourselves x

Blackcatahotcat · 29/06/2026 14:18

He sounds like the type of male who lives in his mother’s basement.

Branleuse · 29/06/2026 14:22

I would threaten hard with dumping him and I'd mean it.

Jsonwbia · 29/06/2026 14:23

Where does his daughter and family life fit in to all this? Sounds like he considers his gaming life his 'real life ', he sounds really disengaged from family life

KeepPumping · 29/06/2026 14:36

LaPerruque · 29/06/2026 10:33

He sounds tragically juvenile, but it's not out of the ordinary for that kind of fan community, that kind of exaggerated language. I mean, someone who only gets out of bed because of someone who streams herself playing computer games would be a hard no from me, but you're married to him, Does he actually engage with the world?

Exactly, the YT"er is just exploiting this kind of nonsense to make money probably, tell him to grow up.

Iridessia · 29/06/2026 14:37

1983Louise · 29/06/2026 14:15

Could you just unplug it and go out more in the real world and enjoy yourselves x

Trust me, many a times ive felt like that. But on the flip side, he says sometimes when he wants to do things i turn him down...maybe its time for heads to get given a wobble

OP posts:
Iridessia · 29/06/2026 14:38

Blackcatahotcat · 29/06/2026 14:18

He sounds like the type of male who lives in his mother’s basement.

Ha ha ha very 🤣

OP posts:
KeepPumping · 29/06/2026 14:38

Branleuse · 29/06/2026 14:22

I would threaten hard with dumping him and I'd mean it.

Or if you want to get really hard core, hide the modem?

Iridessia · 29/06/2026 14:39

Branleuse · 29/06/2026 14:22

I would threaten hard with dumping him and I'd mean it.

Trust me it came very close...

OP posts:
MyMilchick · 29/06/2026 14:43

It sounds like he has an unhealthy relationship with gaming in general and he has certainly crossed the line with this woman. His whole attitude sounds unattractive and cringe worthy

Iridessia · 29/06/2026 14:43

Jsonwbia · 29/06/2026 14:23

Where does his daughter and family life fit in to all this? Sounds like he considers his gaming life his 'real life ', he sounds really disengaged from family life

He is a good dad, i cant deny him that. At the weekends we do, do stuff together as family. But when he gets his few hours later at night thats when the game comes on and of recent the youtuber while gaming 😔

OP posts:
MyMilchick · 29/06/2026 14:43

KeepPumping · 29/06/2026 14:38

Or if you want to get really hard core, hide the modem?

😂

Iridessia · 29/06/2026 14:48

MyMilchick · 29/06/2026 14:43

It sounds like he has an unhealthy relationship with gaming in general and he has certainly crossed the line with this woman. His whole attitude sounds unattractive and cringe worthy

Yea, but he see it as its no different from people on there phones or watching tv for hours. Yea i felt a line was crossed i told him that and it did make him unattractive, but as i said as i replied to a previous post maybe its a good time to look at our relationship and give our heads a wobble 🙂

OP posts:
LondonKara · 29/06/2026 14:52

CherryBlossom321 · 29/06/2026 13:41

But do you find him attractive still? I think this is key because you can still love someone, but begin to find them unattractive based on new knowledge.

It's not as simple as that though is it? They have a young child and have been together their entire adult lives. While I'm certainly not advocating staying at any cost, it's also not as easy as "I don't fancy him any more so I'm blowing up our lives". Or it wouldn't be for most of us.

He does sound immature op, and the biggest problem I see is that he doesn't seem to think he has done anything wrong. It's normal to have celebrity crushes and little fantasies but he is clearly crossing a line and it does suggest something is missing from his real life.

Iridessia · 29/06/2026 15:05

LondonKara · 29/06/2026 14:52

It's not as simple as that though is it? They have a young child and have been together their entire adult lives. While I'm certainly not advocating staying at any cost, it's also not as easy as "I don't fancy him any more so I'm blowing up our lives". Or it wouldn't be for most of us.

He does sound immature op, and the biggest problem I see is that he doesn't seem to think he has done anything wrong. It's normal to have celebrity crushes and little fantasies but he is clearly crossing a line and it does suggest something is missing from his real life.

Yes thank you, guess its the time to look at our relationship and see what we are both needing to happen to see if it can change.

OP posts: