Feel cheap

[allaboardthetram]

hey I expect to get roasted. Am single been talking to a person who I’m friends with from a hobby and get on well.
You know the drill…messages both knowing what we want which was no strings attached sex..booked hotel spent yesterday together on a mini break abroad. Really good doing stuff we both enjoy.
checked into hotel about six and he basically ignored me all evening. I’ve had the worst most uncomfortable night of my life. Sat having coffee here alone at hotel overlooking the beautiful beach in Spain and I feel bloody awful, embarrassed, tearful and above all really cheap as well as mortified. Meant to be doing stuff together today. Can’t believe how stupid I have been. Not about the intimacy at all it’s about feeling like I’ve been treated like absolute crap and cheap. I can’t speak to anyone in real life about this so writing it here. trying to get an earlier flight.

So you had a lovely day, came back to the hotel and didn't have sex? Is that the issue? Or you did and then he wasn't chatty?

It’s not clear what has actually happened. Why is he ignoring you, why are you embarrassed, doesn’t seem to make sense.

This sounds a bit mad, OP. If you wanted NSA sex, which is perfectly fine, why not just book a hotel at home and just have the sex? Rather than going overseas unnecessarily with someone you clearly don’t know at all well?

Yeah well you are right and no it’s not about the sex at all. I’m not fussed about that. It’s just the being ignored. We are friends have been for a long time but always had chemistry.

No idea why he’s ignoring me at all. We communicate and get on very well. Stupid going abroad but we have a mutual hobby we both love

No we didn’t have sex.

Do you have any idea why that happened and at what point did he get cold feet? ( or appear to ) It's not quite clear from your description of events.

I honestly do not know tbh. Had a great day and then he just went quiet. Maybe he was nervous I do not know. Just hope our friendship isn’t affected.
so stupid of me

If you are friends, talk to him about it?

But this basically isn’t NSA sex, which would just involve getting together for sex, enjoying yourselves, saying ‘Thanks, bye’ and getting on with your lives till next time. You’ve basically gone on holiday together, presumably sharing a room — that’s deeply couply, so pretty much the opposite of what you say you both wanted! Why? Whose idea was it?

You probably feel loads worse because you are away from home. I think when you are back you will be able to put it all into perspective. If you communicate well can’t you ask why his behaviour has changed. Do you want to spend more time with him in the future?

If he/they were perfectly ok during the activity or hobby, why didn’t you ask them what was wrong once they went quiet at the hotel?

Your posts are really unclear.
So you arrived yesterday and had a great day together and then in the evening he just started randomly ignoring you?

agreed to no strings attached, but he then didn’t want to follow through after booking a get away together?

are you sure he hasn’t gotten feelings and is avoiding sex to avoid making you feel like that’s the only reason he’s there?

you know what would help? Just asking him 🤷🏼‍♀️ if you were grown up enough to discuss no string attached.. you should be grown up enough to ask what’s expected of the get away..

I feel bad for you that youre feeling lonely in a beautiful place.
Was he literally ignoring you, like refusing to say a single word, not looking at you, etc?
Or do you mean more like he seemed terse/downbeat?

I would guess he lost his nerve and dodged the sexual side as doing activities together all day may have made it even more of a friendship style scenario. Just talk to him, no need to be embarrassed, just text him to join you for breakfast and let him know you understand if he felt a bit overwhelmed. If you want to keep your friendship best to at least talk it through.

No-strings sex or FWB doesn't generally involve a mini-break together. It would literally mean sex (in a hotel or your/his home) and seeing each other again at your shared hobbies. Going away together is more than what you've said you both want.

I wonder if he's realised that going away together was a mistake, and perhaps you might want more than he's prepared to give? So he's backed off.

You need a conversation with him.

Can you text him? He must be on his phone.

Ask him to go do something with you?

you have no idea what’s going on in his head and no you are not ‘cheap’ you are just hurt and don’t understand what happened.

Don’t think the worst. Talk to him. Find out what happened. Do something together.

I had an ex like this who’d ruin every holiday with the silent treatment for no apparent reason. I know how difficult it feels to be treading on eggshells wondering what on earth happened. This is not you, it’s him.
Try to do things that you enjoy so you can still have fun. And sack off this FWB idea, you deserve better.

We have chatted and he told me it is nerves and apologised. He also told me he has feelings for me which to be honest deep down I share. Glad we had that chat…..we have had a lovely cuddle and held each other.

That’s a lovely outcome op. All the feels!

Yes…I’m really happy. I needed to admit those feelings

Well, OK, but if you secretly had feelings for him all along, agreeing to NSA sex and then going on an overseas break with him was a spectacularly self-defeating move. I also wouldn’t be crazy about a dynamic where ‘nerves’ and someone having undeclared romantic feelings translates into him ignoring you for an entire evening and night, leading to you posting tearfully on the internet about feeling ‘crap’ and ‘cheap’. Making his own conflicted emotions your issue in an unpleasant way isn’t a sign of an emotionally literate person or a nice individual. I hope this works out, but be on your guard.

Weird reaction from him. I dont like it.

I agree, beware of this man. Sulking/stonewalling is manipulation.