Told boyfriend only part of truth after kissing someone else

[Sunshine989]

I have been dating my bf for a few months. I was at a party the other day and drunk and I kissed someone else. I love my bf and feel so guilty. I told him I went off with a guy (which I sincerely apologised for) and that he tried to kiss me but I said I didn’t kiss him back, which isn’t true. So I’ve told him half the story. I don’t want to hurt him over something so small and stupid. There were a few people I know at the party, and the guy I kissed has a few mutuals with me and my bf but I think it unlikely he will tell anyone. Still, the anxiety that it will come out is killing me. How do I stop worrying? Please I need advice.

Thank you for your understanding

You need to tell him and let him make his own decision on how to deal with this. Its not fair for you to lie and hide it from him. You made a mistake as we all do in some way but do the decent thing and own up if you love him.

I'm not condoning it ..it's just not a huge deal. It's the equivalent of taking a single grape off a bunch at the supermarket and eating it without paying. It's incredibly minor... technically stealing but not worth mentally beating yourself up.

It’s really really nothing like that.

Yes, you are condoning it.

Yeah, I wouldn’t be happy with my DH doing either of these things, even when we’d only been together a few months. I wouldn’t be happy to do either.

How do you know what type of chocolate you prefer?
How did you find out?
How many different wines have you tried?
Do you prefer tea or coffee?
All relationships are different. It takes time to grow up and be a mature, well balanced adult.
Don't sweat the small stuff when you are young.
Live life and enjoy yourself and hone your instincts.

Kissing someone else when you are supposed to be in a relationship with someone else is hardly a small thing.

If you want to work with out with your partner please don't minimise things by saying it's only a small thing,I'm young,I was drinking.

Ultimately you are responsible for your own behaviour and hopefully you learn from it.

Don't drink so much and talk to anybody you want. It's not healthy to think you aren't allowed to speak to a man ever again.

I think the only way for you to feel better and not hurt your bf is by telling the whole truth. Let him make the decision, it would be ten times worse if he finds out much later on and you are more invested.

The relationship will never work if it’s built on lies. Even small ones.

Tell him and if he decides to forgive you (which he may, as it’s something pretty trivial) then you move forward without any angst.

The anxiety will destroy your relationship anyway so may as well come clean.

This isn't really that complicated.

You kissed another guy, on purpose. Then lied to your boyfriend about it, on purpose.

Own up to it, without the lying this time. He might shrug it off, or he might dump you.

Either way you'll both be better off.

You’re at a crossroads.

If you come clean, you may lose him.

But if you don’t lose him, you gain:

• his trust that if you make a mistake you will be honest with him about it.
• a good reason never to make the same mistake again because you have established a precedent of coming clean.
• the self-respect of having done the right thing.

If you don’t tell him:

• if he finds out it will be much worse.
• you will always have it hanging over you.
• you will find it easier to cheat on and lie to him again.

If you are dating and don't value your man enough not to kiss anyone else. I would suggest that you don't truly value your bf.
I imagine that you are in your 20's. Now is the time not to be settled down with a bf. Go out, explore the world. Honestly. you can date in your late 20's/early 30's for a husband and cildren.
Seriously. there's no rush to settle down. Go find yourself, explore new places, get an education, live life and find out who you are. It is so important to find your own self confidence before you even look for a man.

Don't worry too much about it. Everyone else has done something comparable at some time. Quite possibly also your bf!

But also use your guilt positively. Life is about experimentation and learning from mistakes!

Men are experts at this approach!

This ❤️.

Some posters are reacting as if the OP had an affair running several years. It may not have been the OP’s finest moment but let’s keep things in perspective. It was a kiss.

It's part of growing up OP. Learn your lesson and move on. I'm more concerned that you're confessing to love after only a few months of seeing your boyfriend. It doesn't sound mature. Exclusivity, yes.
And yes you have to tell him and be honest. Also part of growing up. He then decides if he wants to be with you.

It's a mistake and we all have learnt from our mistakes.

Yes, it was 'only' a drunken kiss - and from PPs you'll see some think this is OK (I do not)

What is not OK is the deception you have added to it. It's good that you feel really bad about it - it means you care. Fess up - 'I want our relationship to be based on trust, I feel terrible for doing it, but I feel worse because it wasn't all one sided and I wasn't entirely truthful - I am sorry'.

There’s a good quote from a film about this. He says “it meant nothing” and she says “while you were doing it I meant nothing”.

I don’t think you should worry and stress. I do think you should be honest with yourself. You didn’t ’not tell him everything’. You told him nothing. You told him you were faithful, and refused advances. That’s the opposite of what you did. Your story is worse than saying nothing in terms of the truth.

It’s your first relationship, and you’re learning. But lying for the rest of it, and you are lying by omission, takes his right to choose away. And that’s not OK. He gets to choose. He could choose to stay with you knowing everything. But he could choose not to. And if he would choose not to, and you don’t tell him, that’s not OK. And not your choice to make.

You're young. This relationship is most likely gonna be a blip for you and your bf. If you honestly can't live with the guilt tell him and ask for his forgiveness.
OR use this as a lesson learned situation and get on with your life and don't do it again 🤷🏼‍♀️
You're not a bad person, but if you find that you wanna kiss other guys in future then maybe you should be single. You're only young once.
Ignore the butthurt responses. They need to stop projecting.

It will 100% come out

You're never going to talk to a man at a party again? wtf 😂