Divorce or Judiscial separation after 40 years of marriage

[Maddiemet]

I am 64 years of age . Two years ago my husband decided to leave the marital bedroom as he said he felt disrespected and unappreciated. I still don’t know why .

we went to marriage counselling which I felt for him was only ticking boxes and he told councillor he had fallen out of love

He has not given me any money in the last two years but he does pay bills as I am on minimum wage as I job share .

we would have been fourty years married this year and I am absolutely devastated. I have lost everything because of this joint friends , plans for the future .

He has now split house in half put up walls and doors and made a lovely new sitting room upstairs for himself .

He has gone on plenty of trips and got rid of some of my furniture without consultation.

I want to see how I can be financially stable but am told over and over again by solicitors that the only way this can be done is by divorce which willl cost thousands .My husband earns way more than me and can continue earning lge sums as he is a business advisor.

I am in such a dilemma I don’t want to be know as the ex wife. I’m too old now to meet someone else .and I want a Judiscial separation not divorce but don’t know if that is possible. Can’t find a separation group anywhere .

A divorce will cost over 40,000 for the two , I am petrified for myself financially

https://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/birth-family-relationships/separation-and-divorce/divorce-decrees/

lots of information on here.

Not sure if he is sometimes I think yes and sometimes no

Thank you so much I have huge decisions to make

I am and I feel I do deserve to be treated better

For clarity, if you have a mediated agreement in Ireland divorce isn't expensive. It's few grand each. The €20K figure each is for a divorce that goes to court and is decided by a judge. It covers barristers and a forensic accountant and legal letters and lots of other things. It doesn't seem like the OPs husband will easily agree to a fair settlement.

Yes you are correct thank you for advice

My mother- in - law had been married 53 years when she got divorced they sold their bungalow split everything in half and now she has a nice little bungalow all by herself. Divorce is never easy and the older you get the harder it becomes but this is what you need to do. Speak to someone you know who is divorced to find out what solicitor they used definitely go on recommendation rather than picking someone out of the phonebook. There is a reason your husband‘s not wanting to divorce it’s because he knows you’re entitled to half of all of the assets. Don’t let him get away with that. I would normally always say be fair, but your husband‘s not being very fair to you is he, by leaving you in this situation so instruct your solicitor to get you everything your entitled to regardless to whether it seems fair or not. Good luck

Surely she'd get half of his pension too? Good luck OP get the wheels in motion, he's showing you no respect, consideration or care. He might be legally your husband but he's emotionally gone already. If he moved on and met someone else and was upstairs in his half the house whilst dating it could be even more stressful for you. You need to get talking to solicitors/getting advice. Reading this thread it seems a few ladies have found solicitors who took payment at the end. Perhaps if you got the ball rolling and your ex received paperwork from a solicitor he would slightly change his attitude and divorce without going to court to save money. And if he won't you need to find your "fuck him" attitude. Why are you calling him? No being nice to him, no doing him favours. I know it's hard, I've been there. One day you'll look back from a happier, brighter place, you'll be independent and financially secure. I know it's scary but the sooner you get on with it the better.
You might think you don't want to meet anyone else and maybe you'll keep thinking that way but if you changed your mind you could date, have fun, meet nice men who make you smile. Or be happy and single, living in your own little place with half his pension and your own things. I'm sorry you lost friends in this, you think possibly he bad mouthed you, if he didn't they aren't really friends, maybe consider sending them a message to get your side across.
Wishing you luck and strength.

Years ago I would cry at night, feel so alone and thought I could never live alone, or be happy being single, well that's where I am now. I'm very happy alone and can't believe what I put with then, or that I wanted to stay with him when he treated me so badly. He couldn't be the last man on earth and I would happily run in over in a steam roller now. Good luck.

Thank you so much I think I will be left with no choice

I will try and find a solicitor that will take payment at the end

@Maddiemet ask for this to be moved to Craicnet. Most people who don't live in Ireland probably won't know the legal system (I'm N Irish so no help but also living in England)
You need to end this relationship somehow. You deserve a good life, and no way are you too old in your 60s ❤️

You may want to contact Citizens Information (RoI) on 0818 07 4000. They should be able to signpost you to some useful organisations for assistance and support. Best wishes.

I am in Ireland

This may have been mentioned because it's late and haven't read it all, but OP you need to post on Craicnet to get answers on the Irish law here.

Done thank you

Really good luck. I appreciate how daunting this will be but hope that when the dust settles you can return and tell us about the lovely new life that you are building