Should I suggest a second date or leave it to him?

[Pifco]

Recently matched with a guy on one of the apps, we got on like a house on fire and were messaging back and forth regularly. He was busy on a work trip and still made time to chat to me without me pushing.
He arranged a date for his first free day after he was back and we had a great time, no awkwardness and we kissed.
Messaging pattern much the same afterwards, both said how much we enjoyed it and would like to do it again but now it's been two weeks and nothing planned.
He declined meeting up last weekend as he was busy on his only day off. But said he "absolutely" wanted to see me again
I've been quite direct so far and I'd like to ask if we can make a plan but not sure whether to leave the ball in his court?

Thanks all. I've decided to leave it and he hasn't messaged me tonight at all (which is a first) but I think I have my answer.

Next! 🙄

Well done for respecting yourself.

You are doing the right thing. Now don't let him come back and hoover you in with some bull shit response.

Tell yourself you are the prize.

Don’t be surprised to hear from him in a day or two, a “sorry I’ve been awol, my nan died/work was busy/family dog had to be pts suddenly/almost died because i slipped on a banana skin and was temporarily paralysed from the wrists down” type message.
He’ll be on a date with someone else but be in touch when it fizzles out!
I have enough friends on dating apps to be vaguely familiar with how it all works!

Helpful.

Do not send that ^^

if you need closure just say ‘if you want to meet up again send me some dates. If not no worries’ then stop texting him. Done.

In my experience the ones that are “ too busy “ are full of shite .
If they’re too busy what the fuck are they on dating Apps for !!
I just got rid of one who by the way was looking to date .
His life was hectic when it came to doing stuff together , but funnily enough he is able to fit in meeting up for sex every weekend 😂 😂.

I agree it's very frustrating that people sign up to dating apps because they can't make a relationship work any other way because they don't make time for it, only to then not be able to make time for the business of dating. But sometimes a swift sharp shock of realising they're going to lose this potential relationship can have the desired effect. Occasionally.

Good and if or when he does come crawling back you don’t welcome him with open arms. Men like to test boundaries to see what they can get away with. You set the tone of how
you want to be treated, what you are willing to accept and an afterthought is not it. Now he can work doubly hard if he wants to get back in your good graces. This is how we know if he will go above and beyond for you. this is what is needed in long term partnership so you don’t end up becoming a grown man’s mother. Goodluck!

He messaged something mundane and didn't lift the subject of meeting again so I've left him on read.
Incidentally matched with someone else who I vaguely already know and we have a date lined up already at his suggestion. I have higher hopes for this one.

Ignore man 1, he’s missed the boat. Good luck with man 2.

His loss OP .
Best of luck with new date 🙌 ☺️

The guy I spoke of earlier that I got rid of , he messaged me during week , I opened & ignored .He messaged again yesterday just to say hi & hope you have a nice weekend , so I said I’ll just message him back & say we’re looking for different things , wish him luck bla , bla .
He messaged back & said “ I can’t give you what you want , I just want to have sex with you “ .
Eventhough I got rid of him cause I knew he just wanted that ,( but he had never said it ) , those words “ I just want to have sex with you “ keep swirling around in my head & are making me feel shitty .
I don’t know it’s like saying , i don’t consider you good enough for me to date .
Anyway, my post is irrelevant, just in bed feeling sorry for myself 🙈 , wanted somewhere to say it . I’m done with trying to meet someone for a while .
Hope you have better luck than me OP 🤞

Sorry he turned out to be such a shit @Missj25
At least you found out early on and it didn't go any further.

I had a lovely time yesterday and I've deleted the other guy's message thread and number so I'm not tempted to reply (not that I think I would be after today).

Yes at least it was early days .

Ah that’s great date went well , I hope it works out for you ☺️.
Yeah forget that other guy , there should never be feelings of confusion when we meet the right person, it should flow easily from the beginning.
The dating world is not easy & that’s for sure !

Great decision OP.

My take on the first guy is that he liked you but liked someone else better and was emerging dates with the other woman but still messaging you just in case it didn’t work out with the other woman.

So glad you have moved on

So what's going to happen to man no.2? Will the suggestion be the refuse to arrange a second date and expect him to always arrange the dates?

I don't know what you mean? I asked the first guy if he wanted to arrange a second date and he said he was busy, but didn't follow up with another suggestion.

"Man 2" has already arranged date 2 and I'm not self conscious about suggesting another as he has made his enthusiasm crystal clear.

Don’t let one dick head throw you off and don’t be afraid to have a voice and be confident. It shouldn’t all be down to the guy to make the effort but just know when it’s not being reciprocated to walk away.

I’m going to take this advice eventhough it’s not for me 🙌 ☺️

It's good advice! Over a week later and Guy 1 hasn't reached back out so I was right not to push it.
I said to begin with that if I man was put off by me being myself then it's fine to accept that and walk away - not analyse and change my own behaviour. If you're keen and that's not reciprocated then you're unlikely to be well suited anyway.

Guy 1 showed he wasn’t worth your time when he didn’t suggest an alternative date when he couldn’t do the night you had proposed.
How is it going with guy 2 ?.

Well done, OP.

Just wanted to add:

• Always listen to actions over words.
• Never make the excuse of 'he's shy' or whatever. Long term, you really don't want to be with a man who can't handle such basic things.

Guy 2 is a completely different story, early days but he is much more open and it feels much more reciprocal in terms of messaging pattern and suggesting and planning when to see wach other. He's very sweet bit not intense.

Awe I’m glad OP 🙌 , I know it’s early days but it’s getting off to a good start, & already you can see the difference in the two of them .
Like I said In a previous post, it should flow easily from the start , no confusion.

I’m so glad I didn’t keep seeing your man , cause to be honest from when we first started chatting I got vibes he wasn’t all that interested in a relationship, very focused on looks & not all that interested in my personality. I foolishly thought the more he met me , he’d change his mind.
Anyway, way over him , wonder what kind of a fecker am I going to meet next 😂 😂

@Missj25 his loss! Don't give up, the next one might be the one and if not, enjoy yourself while you're looking 😁

Just back from seeing M2 and had a lovely evening. Everything feels very relaxed but exciting at the same time. Trying to rein myself in a bit haha.