Should I suggest a second date or leave it to him?

[Pifco]

Recently matched with a guy on one of the apps, we got on like a house on fire and were messaging back and forth regularly. He was busy on a work trip and still made time to chat to me without me pushing.
He arranged a date for his first free day after he was back and we had a great time, no awkwardness and we kissed.
Messaging pattern much the same afterwards, both said how much we enjoyed it and would like to do it again but now it's been two weeks and nothing planned.
He declined meeting up last weekend as he was busy on his only day off. But said he "absolutely" wanted to see me again
I've been quite direct so far and I'd like to ask if we can make a plan but not sure whether to leave the ball in his court?

I would leave it. I don’t think a guy who planned to see you again would let 2 weeks pass without planning something.

There should be excitement and enthusiasm as making plans at this stage - not silence. He’s already declined one offer so no I don’t think you should ask again.

"It's was nice to meet you but I'm not up for another date, sorry" or something like that.

Maybe I'm just thick but the way the conversation has been and the fact he has said more than once he wants to see me again made me think he did.

You.need to stop the chat. He is stringing you along.

Stop replying or just send one saying let me know when you are free then stop replying after that if you really can't bear to play the tough game

He is absolutely aware you want to meet him

Are you still texting each other daily? If that has fallen by the wayside I would think he is not bothered about meeting up again. If you can’t stand the suspense I don’t see a problem in just asking one more time if he is free to meet up. If he doesn’t respond or arrange a date then give up.

There's not much harm in sending a message to arrange something. Then you'll know for certain one way or the other. Don't buy into the trope "if he's into you, you'll know about it".

A lot less effort in sending one message to him than to constantly reply here.

Most men are cowards. They don’t have the guts to come out and say that so they’ll slowly start replying less frequently, making excuses not to see you and just hope you give up.

I’d just be honest tbh. Not everything has to be a dance. ‘Hi X, I’m still up for meeting again if you are - let me know a date if you are or, if you’re not, just let me down honestly. I’m a big girl and can hack it.’

He's not keen enough. You've made your interest clear and he's not biting.
Too shabby for you.

He might just be keeping you on the backburner while he pursues other options.

I think this sounds like shelving, unfortunately. I would just pull right back

Don’t you dare text that man asking for another date. You’ve already asked and he declined. Men need to chase/lead if you take this away from him and continue trying to organise your dates, you will do that for the remainder of your relationship and you will resent him for it. Let him do the work, his psychologically make up is built for it. Let him work for you. I get you’re into him but you must have self control and self respect. If he cannot see the value in organising another date with you or as keen to see you as you are him, then he can kick rocks . Good luck queen and fix that crown!

@oliviaAustinno that is so cringe!

Gosh! Your bar is completely flat on the floor .,

What? My bar is on the floor because I’m open and willing to simply ask?

Good job I haven’t been since since 2013

I don't see anything desperate about asking. In this day and age why does the man need to do all the work? A lot of men are quite disorganised or procrastinate and he hasn't had time to be 'into you' yet. He might even be a bit nervous or not want to seem too keen in case he scares you off.
12 yrs ago I had some issues with a guy I'd had a few dates with - bit vague about when he could see me, slow to text etc. I messaged saying something like 'I consider myself a high worth woman and don't want to be messed around so meet me at x pub at 8pm on Thursday. If you don't reply or don't turn up I'll just move on.' He replied very quickly to say he couldn't meet that date but he could do another date. That guy is now my husband and the love of my life. If I had taken some of the advice on here I would maybe not be with him now. Good luck OP. Let us know what he says!

I would ask. When I first met my partner it seemed to always be asking. I think some men just don’t think like we do. Go for it.

This has been repeatedly, and it’s not about being ‘open’ or ‘willing to ask’. In this situation, they’ve already been on a date. He hasn’t asked for a second one, even though he’s mentioned it vaguely. OP asked him for a second date, he declined because he’s ‘busy’, and he didn’t offer any alternative time. That is not how a keen man behaves.

Yet you’re telling OP to ask again. This is exactly the issue: where is the self respect? Dating is a dance two people gauging interest without making themselves unnecessarily vulnerable. In this case, the dance started and then stopped. He’s walked off the dance floor, and OP is being encouraged to keep dancing alone. It’s not empowering, it’s just setting her up to ignore obvious 'polite' signals & her dignity in tatters judging by your own conclusion.

Sending one final message is not dis-empowering, doesn't need to be part of a game, a dance, cavemen hunter/gatherer roles. It is a simple way to get a final answer instead of the constant wondering. One final take it or leave message and then you're done.

I would give him one last chance, as someone who worked the dating apps relentlessly for a year (although not everyone would agree with my methods). I would say, "About that meet up we were thinking of....can I be frank? Someone I was chatting to a while back has got in touch to ask if I'd like to meet up. To be perfectly honest I would prefer to see you again first. Absolutely no pressure though. I just felt there might be a connection with you worth exploring so I'm happy to hold that space if you'd like me to?".

In my experience men who are too busy (and it's probably just that he is busy) will say 'I would have liked to meet but to be honest my life is frantic and I don't want to hold you back' or he will appreciate being first on the list and take the opportunity. Either way you've been nothing but assertive, decent and in demand.

Still don't buy that OP sorry.
As I said he knows you are actively dating if he was that interested a date would swifty be offered, because he'd want himself front and centre for your attention.
A man who is interested in a woman won't let the chance of you meeting someone else happen ( even a shy ones).
I live at least an hour from friends etc it's nothing and certainly not something that needs planning ( unless you don't drive) the middle is 30 minutes!

Act. Don’t wait around for someone else. If you’d like to see him again, message him as @MrsColinRobinson suggested. If he doesn’t firm an arrangement immediately, tell him you’re moving on and goodbye and good luck.

Look at people's actions not their words.

Sorry OP but if he wanted that second date you'd be on it.....or at least knew when it was.....you suggested the second one (bad move imho sorry) and he declined without firming up another.

If he was interested, you'd know!

I would leave it a week and then if nothing say
‘doenst seem like you’re keen for date two, no worries, good luck with the dating x’

if he is remotely interested he’ll rectify that instantly, if not then he’ll be very relieved

You know maybe once I've had said message and ask again, why not.

However, now I am very much of an opinion if a man wants you, you won't have to ask or wonder.

I would personally walk away and find someone else I didn't need to wonder about.