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Original poster

Share your reality with me please

30 replies

OneLessThing · 22/06/2026 12:26

On being a single parent to two kids ?

I feel like my mind needs the pros/cons of leaving my husband or something to set me straight

OP posts:
Original poster
OneLessThing · 23/06/2026 14:30

BettyJoanPerske · 23/06/2026 10:19

He could be overcorrecting what he perceives to be your spoiling them. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying he's right and you're wrong, but 'gentle parenting' has a lot to answer for. You need to be a team. He certainly shouldn't be speaking to them unpleasantly, that needs to be addressed. By the same token, you shouldn't be letting them behave just any old way. I find your use of the word 'firmer' interesting. There is nothing at all wrong with being firm or even strict with children. There is a big difference between that and anger. Children actually feel safer knowing that there are clear boundaries and also that they don't have to come first all the time (obviously their needs must come first, but their wants don't always have to) It's a very tricky one and I do feel for you, but I'm not sure the answer is to end the marriage.

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He will swear at them if they’ve done something I.e spilt a drink multiple times “ fuck sake why don’t you pay attention” etc I feel as thought he picks on everything they say/do and it’s always a louder voice than just talking to them, he can be quite vile to me when we argue and doesn’t shy over calling me names or telling me to fuck off etc. he never used to be like it or maybe I didn’t notice it as much, I feel like I can’t 100% trust my own judgement with it sometimes

OP posts:
BettyJoanPerske · 23/06/2026 14:33

OneLessThing · 23/06/2026 14:30

He will swear at them if they’ve done something I.e spilt a drink multiple times “ fuck sake why don’t you pay attention” etc I feel as thought he picks on everything they say/do and it’s always a louder voice than just talking to them, he can be quite vile to me when we argue and doesn’t shy over calling me names or telling me to fuck off etc. he never used to be like it or maybe I didn’t notice it as much, I feel like I can’t 100% trust my own judgement with it sometimes

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Oh no, that is totally unacceptable. I'm sorry, I didn't realise that foul language was involved. That isn't discipline, that's bullying and you're right to try to leave.

Original poster
OneLessThing · 23/06/2026 14:35

BettyJoanPerske · 23/06/2026 14:33

Oh no, that is totally unacceptable. I'm sorry, I didn't realise that foul language was involved. That isn't discipline, that's bullying and you're right to try to leave.

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Yeah that’s what I mean, it’s not just being strict there’s an undertone of the need for everyone to do as he says, I’m no angel in that I swear back at him etc. I feel like if I heard another dad speak to their kids the way he does I would cringe and it’s embarrassing in public

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BettyJoanPerske · 23/06/2026 14:46

OneLessThing · 23/06/2026 14:35

Yeah that’s what I mean, it’s not just being strict there’s an undertone of the need for everyone to do as he says, I’m no angel in that I swear back at him etc. I feel like if I heard another dad speak to their kids the way he does I would cringe and it’s embarrassing in public

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He sounds vile and I'm sorry if it sounded if I was giving you a hard time. It's just that I have heard of parents where one is super lax and the other is more strict, and the lax one can be what is (IMO) unfair to the more strict one. However, using foul language and bullying is a different ball game altogether.

Original poster
OneLessThing · 23/06/2026 15:04

BettyJoanPerske · 23/06/2026 14:46

He sounds vile and I'm sorry if it sounded if I was giving you a hard time. It's just that I have heard of parents where one is super lax and the other is more strict, and the lax one can be what is (IMO) unfair to the more strict one. However, using foul language and bullying is a different ball game altogether.

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That’s fine, I’m far from a gentle parent and do shout but I try to talk instead of just screaming because ln my head it doesn’t gain anything, I have called him a bully etc before and he has been really defensive so it hits a nerve but he doesn’t change

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