He has imported his Chinese woman :(

[CowsGoMoo]

Hi, don't know if anyone remembers my thread from a while back regarding my husband coming back from his business trip to Beijing and being 'odd'?

Well I found out last night that he has finally imported her into the country, minus the baby and has installed her at his parents house

I managed to get a job recently (at a school) and start on the 3rd July (Thurs) as the children's school finishes on the 4th July and my new school job term doesn't end until the 23rd July i had asked his mum to look after the children....

but now Chinese woman is there, what am I to do? have spoken to every nursery childminder in the county and there is no one who can help me out. I am desperate for the kids not to meet her.

Why is she at my mil and fil's?????? why is she even in this country without her child? what sort of woman is she?

help me, my once sane life is a mess and im often to be found on the floor, being trodden upon by everyone.

CGM x

CGM, I really hope you do realize what a treacherous loon he is. Do not let him get away with a 50 quid divorce and lousy separation.

Seek out a solicitor and name and shame both of them. Trust me, it will make a difference if you name both of them as an adulterer and as the third party. For future reference (also for your dc and potential new partners for you and his business acquaintances to see) it will be noted in public record what they did and he will never be able to lie to your dc, neighbours, friends, etc. It has nothing to do with vengeance but to tell the true sory and cover your own behind.

Oh well done on you for getting that job!!! I remember the interview you told us about. See how all the pieces fall together. So happy for you, you'll see, this will give you a lift and a chance to get away from it all.

Listen to expat, eidsvold and others. Don't take the path of least resistance. You owe it to your children to fight for them and your/their future!

Can't help with the vivid dreams I'm afraid but nothing a good electric helper and a naughty novel (The butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker) couldn't sort.

Please don't waste your energy on OW. You are who you are. So she has a better figure well, who cares if she has the lower jaw of a donkey and the personality of a worm. Honestly, comparisons do not get you ahead in life. They just te you down and wear you out. You are his wife, mother of his children, you are CGM and just perfect the way you are! Save your energy for the court proceedings and file before he does!!

Ah, forgot to add. Why don't you meet your friends next Tuesday to find out how the wind blows and then organize a little party at your house. It'll demostrate you are still standing, you are rallying your friends, you are not ashamed in hiding because you did nothing wrong. Just some punch, snacks, cakes & salads, a garden party for no particular reason. Or if you can't face this, then what about an invite for 8-10 closest friends for Sunday roast or dinner? Show that you're not broken or hiding and that you seek your friends' support in these trying times.

Completely agree with Alexa. Make sure they are named and shamed.

The baby is not xh's but the result of her having an affair with her best friends husband back in China That marriage has also failed too, as has her friendship with her longest standing friend, seems her and xh have an awful lot in common, ie, destroying other people, wrecking long standing friendships and marriages. They are probably so suited to each other

I have been to a solicitor and have discussed at length with her how things stand with the business, business premises and our matrimonial home. At present it would be more beneficial to me if me and xh could work out finances et al without going through solicitor thingy and/or mediation and going for a straight deed of seperation, however I want to do this with a person opposite me (my solicitor) as she can give me full on advice as to what to ask not a faceless computer screen which wont let me know my rights and what I am entitled to. This costs £300 and this is what he is moaning about!

I also asked her how things stand if I were to go for divorce and adultery on his part. She informed me that because he has moved out immediately from effect of adultery and has not come back that the 6 month rule does not apply (of only allowing me to apply for divorce on grounds of his adultery 6 months from date of him telling me, otherwise courts think I was ok with it) so if the deed does not work out I can still hit the bugger with the divorce.

It seems that none of our friends have taken sides, though more are siding with me because of his total and disgusting betrayal of me and the children.

Alexa thank you for saying Im perfect the way I am! however since this has all happened I have started discovering grey hairs!!! not sure whether it ties in with the shock of it all or whether they had started growing anyway cos of old age! but feel very old [wrinkly emoticon]

Everyone really has been fab, Expat you are amazing and I will come to you for more help.... not sure how true this is but one of the girls from the office at work told me that she has said that having baby out of wedlock in china is forbidden (are they really that backward?) and birth of baby has been reg under her parents so officially he is not dependent of her. Girl at work was shocked by this and by the fact she has bought no pictures of the baby with her everyone at work has pics on their desks of spouses, offspring etc. It is odd!

anyway its exchange day today on the house, I keep chanting my new mantra, 'new house,new life' will keep me going

Sparkle if you read this, hope you got my msg about the job at Claverham, please apply!

CGM x

Do use a solictor inconection with your financial side so you & your DC don't lose out. It not as simple as separating bank accounts as you have a business together you don't want to be sitched up by them.

Good luck in you new house.

Awww, come here you I think you really need all your friends around you at the moment. Come on, a grey hair here or there is not making or unmaking a woman. My aunt had grey hairs when she turned 30! It might well be the shock of it all. You are lovable and beautiful the way you are. You were in love and loved back by many, you have 2 gorgeous dc whose love knows no bounds and limits. You are their mother. No one can undo this!

I'm relieved to hear you've seen a solicitor. Sod the 300 quid, you need good advice and someone who will react and move in your favour. Your ex brought this on you. You are just defending yourself and your dc.

It could actually be true about the baby registry thing in China. I'm in Singapore at the mom and if you have a baby out of wedlock here, then you'll be registered differently and there will be more forms to fill out as it's just not done here. So she's a serial offender. I see. [thumb pointing firmly downwards]

Good luck with the move and the new house! I hope it'll be a new clean start for you. You're in my thoughts.

Good for you, cow! Continue to use a solicitor and sign NOTHING without running it past one first.

And you know, I'd see more than one and get a second opinion, because this is an extremely important financial decision for you, your future AND your childrens'.

You are entitled to quite a bit as your marriage has lasted a fair amount, and even if you don't want it now, you may need it later (as in situations when you need childcare as you are working - term holidays and the like, to insure yourself in case of illness or disability in your working life since you'll be mostly flying solo, to provide extras for your kids and their future, etc.)

She's a waste of space not really even worth the time you take to think of her.

And so is he for consorting with her.

The issue about not having babies 'out of wedlock' (quaint phrase, haven't heard that since my granny died!) has nothing to do with China being backward. It is a direct consequence of the state's strict controls on reproduction via the one-child policy. What is at stake is not sexual morality, but the child's access to public services (from which it will be excluded unless it can be registered in a way acceptable under policies on reproduction).

She is a desperate woman to leave her country and be with the love of her life, money. This I say nt out of prejudice toward the Chinese at all, but because when you come from poverty andything that gives you a ticket out is wonderful. I see it all the time in China, these women falling over themselves to be with, usually old, western men, treating them like Gods...it makes my skin crawl. The western men are so deluded they think it's actually them that they fall in love with, bloody idiots.
I love Expat's response. And because the Chinese visas are a pain in the arse we are quite strict about them abusing our system. Plus she has come without her infant and so would need to prove that she has one!!

Zazette, The Chinese do frown on people having children out of wedlock for reasons of morality... it still does not make the Chinese backward, however.

Twelvelegs, do you live in China? I have no idea what the country is like as I have never visited. Xh went to Beijing and to Shanghai with her. Apparently her family live outside of Beijing in village. She is a clever girl, not just at getting what she wants re, my husband, her baby, entry into this country but she has a degree as a teacher apparently.

Would say that my xh is deluded! He probably thought he was a right stud!!

Friend in our office have said that things are not that good between them and they are not together, just working together

Surely though if she loved her son she would have pictures of him etc, xh says she is very upset at being here without him, but she has open ended plane ticket so she cant be that upset, if she has no definite plans to go back?

She is welcome to xh, but he wont have any money left by the end of it to spend on her!! ha ha ha and the business is part mine too so she can go sod off if she thinks she is getting anything that is entitled to me and my precious kids

More fool him, cow. Better to walk alone than badly accompanied.

Hi CGM. No I didnt get the message about Claverham. For some reason your texts often have words missing or are jumbled up. Must be something weird going on in the network.

Thanks for letting me know about that. Im just printing out an application form now, & fingers crossed im lucky.

Hope exchange takes place today ok. Its always a worry until it actually happens. Im so envious of you having a new home to look forward to.

Our house is on the market now, despite the solicitor advising me to wait. I simply have to move on, & getting out of this house into my own place where he cant come & go as he pleases is my top priority.

Let me know if all goes ok with exchange.

Hugs xxx

To be fair to her Chinese women are accustomed to leaving their children with gps and seeing them very infrequently.
My parents live in China, when I visit them I see loads of expats being fussed over by their very much younger Chinese gfs or wives. It's quite hideous to see and other expats, who are still with the wives that they had before they lived there, all laugh at these men and have no respect for them. It's like Thailand too.
Your EXH deserves all he doesn't get!!

CGM - I am relatively new to mumsnet and have read your threads. I am so shocked at what your husband has put you through and want to send you some support.

You are coping amazingly well and I hope the exchange on the new house went smoothly. You have been given some excellent advice and you must listen to Alexa and Expat, do not give in to dh's requests for a quick cheap divorce, you must stick to your guns and use a solicitor. He has not once considered you in all of this, and you have to think of yours and dc's future.

Sending you ((((hugs)))) and strength.

Your duplicitous and incredibly stupid soon-to-be-ex sounds like my dad.

He married his 18 yr younger Russian gf - thinner certainly but not prettier - and the novelty lasted a while. However, underlying their relationship is some pretty shallow & mercenary reasons for being together and they split for a 18m once he'd funded her son through uni, she leaving him for someone else. He said at the time they had little in common. They are now together again because mutual ill-health has made them dependent on each other but it's a relationship that lacks the ease, warmth & pleasure that he shared with my mother. Most ppl thought/think my father insane. I pity him.

Have read the entire thread and think you are remarkable strong & gracious. But don't be too Mother Theresa; look out for you and yours. Expat is scarily clear-sighted on most things; listen to her.

CGM your last sectence sounds a bit more like it, you need to make sure you come out of this OK for the sake of your dcs as well as yourself (agree wiht whoevers point it was about naming her so your dcs know the truth in th future)