He has imported his Chinese woman :(

[CowsGoMoo]

Hi, don't know if anyone remembers my thread from a while back regarding my husband coming back from his business trip to Beijing and being 'odd'?

Well I found out last night that he has finally imported her into the country, minus the baby and has installed her at his parents house

I managed to get a job recently (at a school) and start on the 3rd July (Thurs) as the children's school finishes on the 4th July and my new school job term doesn't end until the 23rd July i had asked his mum to look after the children....

but now Chinese woman is there, what am I to do? have spoken to every nursery childminder in the county and there is no one who can help me out. I am desperate for the kids not to meet her.

Why is she at my mil and fil's?????? why is she even in this country without her child? what sort of woman is she?

help me, my once sane life is a mess and im often to be found on the floor, being trodden upon by everyone.

CGM x

i remember your thread. what a nightmare. i hope you are ok. im sure someone on MN can help you with finding childcare. where abouts are you?

Hi CGM. Pain about the childcare. Have you tried Heathfield or Hailsham for childcare? I know theres somewhere in Heathfield (Huffle) that picks up from local schools & runs holiday club for school age kids. Dont know how early in july the holiday club starts though. Its only 15 minutes from where youre working. If all else fails I dont mind having them on days im not working or seeing a solicitor about my own cr@ppy situation. Completely understand if you dont want to go for that because you/they havent even met me yet, but im child free this weekend if you fancy meeting up to see if im a complete loon.
If I can think of anything else ill let you know.

CGM, I remember your other thread and I've been wondering how you were.

I'm amazed that the OW has turned up without her baby - how bizarre. But if she is here to work would she not be out all day when the dcs are at your PILs?

really sorry to hear what you're going through at the moment.

I think expats advice is very good, i would definately report them. Don't let them walk all over you!

Show them that you made of stronger stuff!!!!!

((((((HUGS)))))

I remember your thread CGM.

How awful for you.

How awful to leave her baby behind too - it must be tiny.

expat if i am in a tight spot will u be on my side?? i soooooooooooooooo love your advice

Hi CGM - I was also thinking about you just this week.
Your situation sounds awful - someone previously mentioned your pil coming to your house to look after the dc. Could that be an option?
I totally understand you not wanting dc to meet the slapper. That thought crosses my mind with my situation and I would hate my dc meeting ow.
Have you started divorce proceedings?
H isn't still living with you is he?

Be strong x

but the OW is living with her PILs, stirling, so much for their looking after the OP's kids.

Hi everyone thanks ever so much for your responses.

Expat, thank you for your advice re visas, however she is here on a work visa as she is our businesses Chinese partner and is working with my xh (does this term exist? ex hubby?)

I asked xh earlier why baby isn't here and he said that government wouldn't issue him a visa.

Mil looks after my niece numerous days a week as well, their house is huge, mine is tiny semi, there is no way she could look after 3 children here, plus ex sil and i fell out many moons ago when she did something that we all felt inexcusable. Only MIL forgave her otherwise she wouldn't see her other granddaughter. The whole family really are a shambles.

All my rl friends work or have their own children to look after, my mum works full time too and can't get any holiday, my dad is trying to get some time off but looks impossible. have spoken to our local leisure centre who do run holiday play schemes, but none of them start until the state school holidays start, (yes my 2 are in private) My sons school does run a hugely expensive play scheme but wont accept my dd as she has to be 5, plus sending them there, I will actually not earn a bean as the scheme is more money than I am earning.

I have asked whether she could go into a B&B for a while, I live on the South Coast and there are plenty of (scummy) B&B's she could go to.

I am desperate to meet her, have told xh, he said I could on thurs at office and apparently she is shit scared!!!

what to do?
what do I do about child care?
What do i do about meeting her?
What do I do full stop?

He has been so nice to me recently that I did genuinely believe he might come back I know how foolish and desperate of me, but I do feel so sad and so lonely, and so very scared that there is never going to be another person out there in the big wide world who will want me or love me.

CGM xx

CGM, he's just being nice because he doesn't want you to file and name her. As fuzzy and i have pointed out months ago: you should definitely name her in the papers. It'll be public what she did. She deserves none of your mercy.

I wouldn't hold back from filing just because he's being all fluffy and there might be a legal problem for her. You can initiate proceedings and determine the pace and (MOST IMPORTANTLY) reason = adultery of the breakdown of your marriage. You don't want to be slapped on your other cheek as unreasonable, do you?

I can understand wish to meet her but I'm not so sure it's such a good idea. Couldn't a friend "spy" on her for you? I feel you might get a tad obsessed with her if you meet her and nothing good will come off it. There's nothing left to say, really. Of course you could say a thousand things to her: stole my H, sneaky bitch, stay away from my dc, how dare you, etc. but what good will it do you? I don't actually think you will find any closure as this is just the beginning of the journey. You know what she looks like already, so there's no surprise there. Your H is the one that broke your mutual vows and couldn't keep his fingers to himself, projecting your sole hatred onto her means missing the main target.

I think it's too early to meet her as there will be more to discuss in the future if she actually has any staying power at all.

Couldn't you appeal to your H and say in the best interest of the kids the OW should stay away from them for now until the holidays commence.

What a sad situation,and what a mess. I'm sorry you and the children are going through this.

What does your ex think should happen with the kids while you are working? Why is it exclusively your problem to sort it out - or have I missed something? Shouldn't he be scrambling to help you make suitable arrangements?

CGM - cut out your posts on that original thread and paste them into a Word document. Every time you feel yourself wobble and think he's actually a nice man and the man you thought you married, read your posts.

He doesn't deserve any mercy from you.

Tell him that he needs to sort out childcare for your children. It's not fair that everything is your responsibility. He got you into this mess, he can clear it up.

And please see a solicitor. I know that you think you want him back but try and imagine what it will be like. Do you honestly think you will ever trust him again? He has treated you appallingly - it's not just the affair, he's been really cruel.

I hope he behaves decently for once

Good point form Spice Monster there - he can take some responsibility for his own DCs and organise appropriate childcare. How about he looks after his own DCs for 2 weeks? He has created this mess and he could start acting like an adult for a change.

He is being cruel and deserves none of your mercy. Get all the money you can from this arsehole. You will be securing your DCs future not some poor forgotten about baby in China.

Take the house off the market! Why are you selling it? It is a huge bargaining chip, esp if he starts being difficult with money. The money side of things needs to be sorted before you start selling the house and giving him any money.
And yes, why isn't HE paying for the playscheme/nanny??

'I asked xh earlier why baby isn't here and he said that government wouldn't issue him a visa.'

That sounds really weird, as the baby is her dependent. Never heard of that being a problem.

See a solicitor and file for divorce on grounds of adultery.

Take house off the market until you and your solicitors come to an agreement and it's signed by both.

I met her last thursday. I have never met her before as she was our business partner exclusively in China, however she is here on an open ended plane ticket

I was very nervous, but I was controlled and walked into office, saw xh said hi to others in office then walked up to her, she jumped out of seat in fright but I just said hi, at last i get to meet you.

She is stick thin, (I'm not ), no bust (I'm well endowed ) short (me too) and was not what I expected in beauty lines, she has little face, poky up nose and lower jaw that sticks out and above all terrible Chinese style dress sense. She was wearing nylon shiny black dress with white nylon shiny top bit to it above her bust, collar line and both sleeves were puffy white nylon.

I personally cannot believe that this woman chased my husband for so long and he finally bedded her when she looks like this, I really was expecting a beauty, (yes she has a stunning figure ) but hell I must be a right dog then , plus she is younger than me too.......

She is still at mil and fil, apparently xh cannot afford B&B but they have assured me that she will not be there when my kids are.

My ds has this weekend decided that he does not enjoy being with his dad, he chose yesterday to go to my parents and spend the day playing flight simulators with my dad, then today when xh was supposed to have them both ds said he did not want to go to mil and fil with xh and wanted to see my brother and gransdad again to play flight simulator (ds want to be a pilot when he's older!) They fly Monarch flights and routes to destinations in europe, its very realistic (boring to most!)

xh was so upset that his beloved son didnt want to be with him he got all misty eyed, I almost whooped with satisfaction! Even ds can see through him now, and I must add I have said nothing even slightly untoward to the children, it will be xh job to tell them the whole sordid story when they are old enough to know about sex, marriage vows, love and dirty whores who care nothing for breaking up marriages and families, she has a good record, thats 2 marriages she's ruined now I will also teach my son that you do not behave this way to the people you love and I will not put up dirty family breaking whores in my home when he reaches his 30's, however my son has a kind heart and a mum who will teach him the joys of family and honesty.

He now wants to do legal separation on line for £47 !!!! www.separation-agreement.co.uk he is a fucking loon!

on a lighter note, the job I went for a while back, the original girl they gave it to decided she didnt want it and being their second choice (who cares lol!) I was offered it! I start this Thursday with 7 days of training as a cover supervisor (this is why I started this post re child care - doh!)

plus my parents are helping me move away from xh, by helping me purchase a house which we exchange on tomorrow, there are lots of good positive points but still so many negatives too....

I have started having very very real/vivid dreams about xh and I having sex, I mean they are v real and Im waking up feeling wholly unsatisfied is this normal???? or am I now turning into sad sex case?! Its only been 3 months since last had sex, it could be donkeys years before I encounter another willy! what to do?! Frightened I might ask something inappropriate of xh

Xh said that a lot of friends were on his side but it seems that he is wildly wrong, I bumped into 3 of them on friday, one was nearly in tears and told me that he has told him that he does not agree at all to what xh has and is doing to the 3 of us. His best friend and his wife have asked me over on tues, I thought they had taken sides and were on xh's however they said on phone that the found it so difficult to know what to say on the phone and time crept on till they knew that if they didnt ring and say something our friendship could well be lost, I was so happy to hear from them and was shocked to hear that they also find xh's action deeply shocking and disgusting, they have not spoken to xh since he told them he has broken a friendship which he has had since he was 3, what a prat

Must be off, last week of school for ds and dd and must iron school uniform for monday.

I still wish that his chinese import would fuck off into cyber space never to be seen or heard from again, they went to business meeting on friday in london with other business partner too, but he drove them all to the station and it upsets me to think of her sitting in my seat in what was the family car. Oh how on Earth does anyone ever get over the betrayal and hurt caused by someone you loved more than life itself?

CGM xx

CGM

I read your other thread, and this as well...
You are doing amazing!

I am saying this with the greatest of sympathy, but the OW didn't break your wedding vows, your ex did. As long as you are mad at her, there is a tiny bit that is letting your exh off the hook.

I have been in a situation where another woman chased my ex (fiance), she got him, and it ended a 9 year relationship. I know it is tempting to blame the OW.
It is HIS fault. Not 50/50, not 80/20, it is 100% HIS FAULT.

The thing is, once you stop shooting venom at her, it just feels better.

Ow and ExH both ended up with cheaters.

Re: the sex...you will end up with someone else, but maybe deal with the built up sexual tension on your own....

I found once I stopped focussing on THEM (ex and OW), the hurt went away much quicker.

Chin up - focus on your kids and yourself (from your posts, it sounds like you look after everyone except yourself) it gets better - it does.

Good luck

CGM I have just chanced upon this thread and your other one and just wanted to say how brave you are being. All this has just come upon you out of the blue and in the last couple of months your world has been completely turned upside down. I admire your strength and courage and feel sure that you will one day soon be feeling a lot more positive about your life without XH.

Stay strong, you are doing great.

first of all, do you want any 'friends' who take sides with someone who fathered another kid whilst he was married to someone else and didn't even have the fucking common courtesy to end that marriage first if it wasn't going well but instead screwed around behind his family's back.

what would someone like you want with people like that?

no, i don't think so. you sound like too nice a person to have friends like that.

'He now wants to do legal separation on line for £47 !!!! www.separation-agreement.co.uk he is a fucking loon! '

yes, he is. he fucked you over, and he's still trying to do it with BS like this.

separation, my ARSE. he owes you and your kids his earnings and quite possibly a good deal of his pension, equity in the home and maintenance.

so for now, even if you can't do it for yourself, do it for your kids and their future. SEE.A.SOLICITOR.

apply to divorce him on the grounds of adultery. name her as other party. i can almost guarantee the Home Office doesn't know she has a kid with him, that's why the kid's not here but in China. because yes, that would have looked sooooo legit when they presented her work permit application - we can't find any other person to do this job, oh, and also she's got a kid with her boss.

cows go moo
knew this was you when I saw it
sorry this is happening to you and your dcs

I can't say much useful except well done on getting the job, I would be asking him to pay for an emergency nanny for your dcs and also taking steps to protect mine and my dcs financial future.

who knows what will happen now he has moved her over here and in with his parents but ytou need to be prepared for it whatever.
Have you found out what you can expect from him re house/school fees/support.

If they do get together with the baby he will have school fees for that one too and you don't want your dcs to miss out.

I'm no immigration lawyer but it sounds a bit odd to me that her baby can't come with her too. Is it def his?
If so I'm sure they will have plans to bring it over soon

it's very odd because they wouldn't given her a work permit if they knew she has a kid with the employer sponsoring her permit.

that would have raised some serious alarm bells about the validity of the request for a work permit for her.

and i wouldn't ask him to pay for a nanny.

i'd have the agency send the invoice to him at work.

they are his kids, he needs to pay for them.

for their sakes, cows, make sure you get hte max amount of funding you can for their future.

ohh good plan expat

i can understand the feelings surrounding the husband's betraying his wife, and her wanting to get the hell away from him.

but why not get the max possible for the kids? why let him get off scot free just because he's an arsehole who treated her like crap?

that's playing into his hands just like he wants.

no way.

you have a business together, cow, and a home. these things are of value. as is a pension.

and you need to ensure yourself against any storms you may have to weather in the future. including hiring nannies in times when you have childcare issues.

even if you don't need the money for yourself, get it for the kids - their university, perhaps, a car, a deposit on a flat.

LISTEN TO EXPAT

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

another voice crying out:

LISTEN TO EXPAT.

She is talking sense. it might seem easier to just get on with it BUT why should his children miss out. Why should he be able to shirk his responsibility - especially financial responsibility to his children.

You owe it to them!!!