Dating and ghosting. How common is it?

[DiamondW]

Bit of an embarrassing one, but here goes…

I’ve been single for 9 years and in that time i have not had any dates at all. It genuinely wasn’t a conscious decision just the way things ended up.

Anyway I can't do it anymore! It's was never meant to be this long 😅 Im in my 30s and I’d quite like to start dating again. The thing that’s really holding me back is the fear of sleeping with someone and then being ghosted straight afterwards.

I’m not looking for a proposal or even necessarily a serious relationship from the outset, but being treated as though I never existed after sleeping with someone would really knock me, ghosting someone after sleeping with them just seems really cruel.

Reading online (and on here sometimes), it seems really common..

I won't be announcing how long it's been on the first date and probably not until after and I also have no intention of sleeping with anyone straight away. I’d want to get to know someone first.

Is ghosting after sex actually as common as it sounds? And is there anything you can do to reduce the chances of it happening, or do you just have to accept it as one of the risks of dating?

It’s never happened to me but if you don’t put yourself out there then nothing will change. You could wait a few dates to see if there’s a connection but this is no guarantee. Ghosting happens, you have to be resilient. If you’re not then I wouldn’t suggest you date yet. It can be tricky.

I don’t mind ghosting after a few dates, that wouldnt bother me, it’s more sleeping with someone then being ghosted 🫣

If you have sex first date expect to be ghosted

As said in my post I would definitely NOT be doing that 😬

I would imagone you would be fine then

I think it’s got to the stage where it’s gone from being seen as really rude and a bit of a shit thing to do to someone, to being a perfectly acceptable way to stop seeing someone. There’s no need to feel that awkwardness or discomfort. You simply forget about them and tell yourself that you’re still a good person for not being honest with them.

So there’s every chance you could be ghosted, even if they claim to be wanting all the same things you do, and you don’t sleep with them until you’ve been dating for whatever arbitrary period of time you consider acceptable.

I was ghosted after seeing someone for 12 months….

Brutal

Oh that’s horrible, did you ever get any answers?

Ghosting is common whether sex is involved or not. You'll be lucky to get a reply to a DM.

It’s not particularly common imo. I mean chances are it’ll happen before you sleep together too if it does.

I had someone ghost me after arranging a first date once, he didn’t even bother to message to let me know he wasn’t coming. I think he was looking for a quick shag where as I wasn’t though tbf and he probably had a better offer as I did some digging after that and found his Facebook and it turns out he had a gf! And it was Christmas time so I recon his gf was probably away visiting family and he was looking for a bit of fun or something and had an offer that was more of a sure thing.

I had an instance where a guy ghosted after a couple of dates, if that counts, but he then later phoned me, like a month later. I didn’t bother answering of course.

And once, the worst one, I was in the shower after we’d fooled around, not sex but, sexual. And he went through my phone and deleted his number and left. Utter prick. That one shook me. Mostly because I’d never gave him any indication that I wanted anything more than that fool around too so it just seemed so arrogant.

But we are talking 3 (at least that’s the only three that come to mind) over the course of like, 10 years.

There are worst things they can do than ghost. Like, NOT sod off, for example xD

I don’t mind “ghosting” if we haven’t slept together, tbh, If a man ghosted me after we hadnt even met I don’t even think I’d call that ghosting only really mean after sex like I’ve heard it happening to women instantly, constant contact sleep with them then they disappear.

There's no magic way of protecting yourself from that.

Some blokes will pursue as long as it takes to get you into bed, some one-night stands turn into relationships. It's just meeting the right person.

Dating IS risking getting dumped, ghosted or heartbroken. It's part of life's rich tapestry, innit. 😂

If it happens, yeah, it'll hurt - but you'll get over it. Just get out there, have fun and be true to yourself. Put up with no crap. Remember you're auditioning them as much as they are you.

It just sounds like one of those things then, you never really know, either way I won’t be sleeping with someone for a good while

I don't think you can control for this OP. Could you find some way of accepting it as a risk of online dating in 2026? If not, it might work better to try extending your social circle and meeting possible dates in real life so it would be much harder for them to vanish after a night together.

No I don’t like dating people I know personally, I think I will just have to take the risk then

15, and we worked in the same place

I’ve never been ghosted after sex. The men who do that pretend to want a relationship, and often very over the top and love bomby which gives me the ick so I spot it a mile off and stop engaging with them.

I have had dates where there is no mutual interest though and neither person has contacted the other but tbh I don’t think that’s ghosting.

I’m 35, been single 7 years and very very rarely encounter men who spark any type of interest in me. We need to be realistic, a lot of what is out there just isn’t great. I am currently getting to know someone, very early days but I’m enjoying it. This is something of a rarity for me 😅

Theres a lot of men who behave terribly on dating apps, but I would ruthlessly block them at the first issue. Lots of women are guilty of overlooking red flag after red flag which doesn’t help anyone. If you’re vigilant and away you can buffer against it, it shouldn’t be necessary but unfortunately it is. Good luck 😄

In my experience its really common. You find that it people do date you, the years you've been alone (which for me is 20 years) it becomes more common.

People check out for the smallest reason. It is what it is and there's nothing you can do about it.

That seems a bit misguided?

Surely if you know them a bit already:
it avoids some of the difficult initial "getting to know you" stuff,
you know they are who they say they are,
and there's an element of social pressure from the joint social circle to treat each other right? Ghosting you might incur a social penalty cos they'll see you at work or shared social events.
You also know you have things in common, are local to each other and whether your lives might mesh well.

If they're complete strangers, they can catfish you or vanish out of your life at a snap.

No not really I wouldn’t date someone in my social circle or someone that everyone knows

Why?

Just never have, never seen the appeal and feel sorry for the people that I know that have and then broken up and have to keep seeing them all the time. Will definitely have to be online dating and preferably someone that lives around an hour away.

Im a guy and ran the online dating gauntlet on and off for several years. In my experience it was moderately common. To me 'proper' ghosting is when you have been on a few dates and everything seemed positive then radio silence. While getting a 'thanks but no thanks' message after a date was not nice I always appreciated the honesty.

I wouldn’t feel hurt by that unless I had slept with the person tbh.