Husband and porn

[Imdonewithsergio]

Does your OH watch porn? I knew my husband liked porn when we first got together but he said quite early on he had lost interest. I found out a few weeks back that he has been watching it again. We had a good sex life and he does initiate sex all the time- so I don’t think there is any porn addiction or anything like that. But I’m quite hurt for some reason and it’s been playing on my mind. I do have adhd and rejection sensitive dysphoria- so I think it’s me getting in my own head but I’m just wondering if anyone has any tips for me not feeling so bad about it? I don’t want this being something that leads to arguments or anything and realise I need to adjust my mindset.

edit- last option should say unsure 🤣

How did you find out? I understand your feelings, makes you feel like you're not enough doesn't it 😔

*edited to say sorry for accidentally quoting OP, don't know how to undo it!

No and you don't have to caveat with ADHD etc. Porn is bad for everyone whatever their situation.

Why do you need to adjust your attitude to porn OP?

The porn industry promotes and earns it's money from the exploitation of women. Most porn involves violence against women and normalises it.That's what your H is watching. That's what he is getting his sexual kicks from.
And that's assuming he hasn't moved on to the more extreme porn that regular users end up watching to get the same arousal.
Why do you want to change your mind set when it's your H's use if porn which is the issue, not your dislike if it.

He had left the tabs open on the browser on our iPad.

Someone will be along soon saying ALL men do and it’s fine. It’s not though. It’s damaging in many ways. You’re well within your rights to be upset, especially as he has lied.

I wouldn't want to be with anyone who supported sex trafficking. I'm amazed at the number of women who say they go along with it.

DH watched it years ago when we met. I sometimes watched the odd video here and there too in the early days. He doesn't watch it anymore though.

Let him know if you're unhappy. It's not for everyone.

Currently no is 26% of the vote. lol yeah right.
2.6% maybe!

Have you looked at actual statistics for this. Women only say it is all men because they want to believe their husbands porn habits are normal and healthy. They are not and plenty men do not see the need. I will find you some statistics

https://yougov.com/en-gb/articles/42945-how-often-do-britons-watch-porn

Very true. It is horribly normalised. Preston Davey's killers had thousands of extreme porn images on their devices. It's just disgusting.

So 33% men do not watch porn and a very low number watch it daily , so if that is your man, it is NOT the norm. And there was an option to say they would prefer not to say so there was no need to lie either

A huge amount of women do NOT support sex trafficking and are actually very against it. Women (and men) who do support it should be ashamed of themselves imo.

Thanks all. I dont believe it’s something he is doing every day or anything like that but it’s really knocked my confidence (post partum, needing to lose weight). I think a lot of it is the fact he said he didn’t watch it anymore and then the fact I’m not happy with myself just now. The rational part of me is thinking about the fact he still seems attracted to me but I really feel terrible now. I also feel pork is incredibly exploitative and I don’t like the idea of him watching women who were potentially trafficked, coerced etc. My friends have all told me that every man does it and I need to shake myself but I am feeling rubbish about it.

The sex with a partner who watches a lot of porn is usually shit.
Life's too short for shitty sex x

OP don't compare yourself to women in those circumstances. I am sure that you wouldn't want to change places with them. Don't envy them, you have no idea of what conditions they have to endure. Feel for them, donate to charities that help them and talk to your partner about the part he is playing in the trafficking of young women and girls for sex.

Thank you everyone. I feel less guilty now about how upset I have been.

Don’t keep saying “it’s because I’m ADHD” “it’s because I’m post-partum”. No, it’s because porn is minging and men that are into it are sad and pathetic and care nothing for the exploitation of women.

My husband is very anti porn. He watched it when younger as did I but then we both saw it added nothing to our relationship even ethics aside I couldn't name you one positive thing about it.
This absolutely isn't something you need to just accept. It's a hard boundary for me now I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who watches porn. Once you open your eyes to it its not something I could accept for a second.

Thank you- I genuinely thought I was being sensitive because I’m ND. Maybe that’s a bit of gaslighting on his part.

Im a guy and to be honest with you ladies I don't look or watch porn

Have you ever? Can I ask why you choose not to when we are lead to believe men can't live without it?

FWIW I think online porn is one of the reasons younger people (up to 30s) aren't having children.
It's certainly the reason behind the huge rise in erectile dysfunction in under 20s currently and damage (rise in incidents in young teen girls having to go to A&E to have their rectum stitched - source friend is a nurse in an A&E dept) choking etc.

It numbs and desensitises men to women I feel. Men who watch it are always shit in bed because they have no idea how to pleasure a woman, they learn from what they watch, and porn does NOT have women's pleasure as a focus.

Almost like it's been weaponised.

Who is led to believe that?!? I don’t think that’s a universal view whatsoever.

My husband was first exposed to pornography at age 11 and became addicted to it as a young teenager. In his twenties he sought help to overcome his addiction and has since spent some time helping other men with porn addictions. He hasn’t watched it in over 15 years now. He despises it - he hates the damage it causes to those involved in the industry and those who consume it. Not all men watch porn. You do not need to make yourself okay with your husband watching it. Ask him how he would feel if there was something you were involved in sexually that made him uncomfortable? I think it’s perfectly normal to find the idea of your spouse watching other people have sex really upsetting and for it to breed insecurity in a marriage.

ETA: if your husband decides to stop watching it and needs any support this is a good resource https://fightthenewdrug.org

One of the most successful happily married couples I’ve ever met in my life. She put her foot down from day one and said she considered pornography to be the equivalent of cheating.
She’s never accepted any other women even being looked at in her marriage and it’s served her well