Husband and porn

[Imdonewithsergio]

Does your OH watch porn? I knew my husband liked porn when we first got together but he said quite early on he had lost interest. I found out a few weeks back that he has been watching it again. We had a good sex life and he does initiate sex all the time- so I don’t think there is any porn addiction or anything like that. But I’m quite hurt for some reason and it’s been playing on my mind. I do have adhd and rejection sensitive dysphoria- so I think it’s me getting in my own head but I’m just wondering if anyone has any tips for me not feeling so bad about it? I don’t want this being something that leads to arguments or anything and realise I need to adjust my mindset.

edit- last option should say unsure 🤣

Thanks all

My husband doesn't watch it but I do and when I say I watch porn I mean the stuff from 20 years ago. He's not threatened in any way shape or form by it.

I agree but due to various reasons I'm unable to leave my partner. No sex is better than shitty sex!

You will get the usual people catastrophising saying that it is all violent and it makes someone evil etc. That is not true, but it is a negative behaviour and it would be far better if your DP didn’t. There are plenty of reasons to have a negative reaction to porn even if you were to take away all the utilitarian arguments against it. If someone only every watched AI generated content that never involved a human, and all acts involved were completely vanilla it would still be something they should try and give up.

Having a negative reaction is a perfectly normal response and you shouldn’t feel bad about that. However, if you are feeling inadequate due to it then you may want to think about how to address that. It is not going to be due to him being dissatisfied with you it will be a habit he has had for years.

As he has lied about it, he regards it as shameful behaviour, so why should you feel bad for having a negative reaction?

I do have adhd and rejection sensitive dysphoria- so I think it’s me getting in my own head but I’m just wondering if anyone has any tips for me not feeling so bad about it?

Ffs I think I've seen it all now.

You don't have to pathologise your feelings like this. It's not a disorder or part of a disorder / condition to dislike a partner masturbating to other women (albeit remotely).

It's also not something you need to, or should feel or ok about. You don't have to numb yourself or dismiss your feelings in favour of what is convenient for him.

I watch the odd video every now and then, specially in the break me and DP have just had. Usually creators who post their own stuff. DP doesn’t watch it, he isn’t bothered for it.

Statistically men watch more porn than women on average. That's been shown consistently in surveys. Men are also more likely to be frequent porn users.

What people don't always mention is that women are far more likely to consume other forms of erotic content. Romance novels, erotic fiction, fan fiction, "smut", audio erotica, etc., all tend to have predominantly female audiences.

So it's not necessarily that women are less interested in sexual content. It may be that women, on average, are less interested in mainstream visual porn and more interested in content that includes story, characters, emotional connection and imagination.

Interesting as to where you draw the line, did you read Fifty Shaded of Grey etc?

Sorry, who was potentially trafficked, raped, taken advantage of or made vulnerable in 50 shades of grey?

H doesn’t watch porn as far as I know
If he does it would be vanilla
I don’t know because we have a respectful sexual relationship which is healthy and fun

So a very maybe sometimes perhaps

OP didn’t mention that being her reasons for not liking it. If they are yours fair enough!

Nope my DH or I do not, it's disgusting and I wouldn't wish to be with anyone who wanted more than just me

I’m going to go against the grain here but I’d like to give you another perspective.

Me and my partner mid 30s two young children.

Our sex life is amazing.

He watches porn, I don’t care. He has told me that it’s arousing because it’s naughty. I believe this because that’s exactly why I watch it although he doesn’t know I do.

He is a brilliant husband, dad and our sex life is great. I’m also a few months PP but he always makes me feel amazing. Maybe that’s another reason why it doesn’t bother me.

If it bothers you though, that’s okay you’re allowed to feel that way, he just may not understand because I really don’t see it as a big deal but I know a lot of people do.