Husband constantly putting me down

[Marissa270]

Does anyone else’s husband/partner make mean comments from time to time such as you need to go to the gym or you’re always home doing nothing. That’s not true by the way I am a stay at home mum but I’m always busy around the house and with the kids. I’ve not been in the best of health and I suffer from high blood pressure so I’m not currently able to go to the gym. Also a size 10 so not overweight. It’s usually when he’s in moods he starts comparing me to other women saying so and so is a better mum than you or so and so goes out to the gym. Even so much as saying I’m wearing too much makeup and the fashion is now minimal makeup! He’s just constantly so critical which is hurtful especially since I get compliments from other people but not him. Anyone been in a similar situation or know how I can navigate this? If it helps he does sometimes compliment me but only when he’s in a good mood as horrible as that sounds!

Get a job and leave him?

That’s a form of emotional abuse I think he’s the one feeling insecure and trying to bring you down. Sounds horrible poor you

I own my own business so I do work from home part time. I don’t rely on him financially so I am able to leave him it’s just happened suddenly so I’m a bit confused

If he made those comments to me I'd say, 'Yeah, but John's got a bigger dick than you and he doesn't put his wife down constantly. Shall we continue with the childish insults and wind our way to a divorce? Or would you like to stop making sneery remarks to me and treat me with respect going forward? It's entirely your choice at this point, but I'm becoming very fed up with it and I'm not going to tolerate it much longer'.

Who is he shagging?

Cherchez la femme.

He is contributing towards your high blood pressure.
Couples stay together to improve life for each other.
Your child hears you been put down too .
This man disrespects you.

1. You tell him.
2. You say nothing and allow yourself to be disrespected by him.
3. You indicate to him this is the example he is setting for your child.
4. You tell him you have had enough and he must change or else.

This man says you are good enough to live with, have children with, but now he wants different packaging. He needs to be told.

Sorry OP but if this is a sudden change in behaviour then it sounds like the beginning of the Script. Criticising you to make it all your fault.

Absolutely this is not your fault. There is nothing wrong with you. He sounds like just another man who has met someone else.

You shouldn't put up with being talked to like that . I think you should get legal advice re your entitlements in the event of divorce.

As above

Thanks everyone I actually asked him if he’s met someone else and wants to leave and since he hates me so much he can go find someone else. Then he apologizes and says he loves me there’s no one else and he didn’t mean it. He continues being sweet for a while then starts up with the snide comments a month or so later. This has been happening for a couple of months now. I’m not sure if it’s grounds for divorce and I can’t find any signs that he’s cheating although I suspected it from the nasty behaviour

Grounds for divorce are:
”I want a divorce.”

There you go, fixed that for you.

He’s hardly going to admit there’s anyone else. But he sure as shit is hoping there will be or he would be cherishing you properly.

Bin him, lawyer up, don’t look back.

You don't need a big incident to divorce.

"No fault" divorce has been a thing for a few years. You just have to say the marriage has irretrievably broken down.

You don't have to wait to find out if he's cheating or whatever else is behind his shitty behaviour.

Him treating you nastily IS a good reason to exit the marriage.

I’m considering divorce soon to be honest. I suspect he may have bipolar disorder as he is either happy and talkative or moody and strangely mean. I thought I may be overreacting regarding the comments but it’s good to know I’m not

@Marissa270 I couldn’t live like this. You deserve love and respect from your partner, at the bare minimum. He should be the one who makes you feel good about yourself and who builds you up when you’ve had a tough day, not the one who tears you down and makes you feel like crap. That is not love.

You can divorce him simply because you aren’t happy. 💐

Thanks I agree he used to be like but he’s changed into someone I don’t know anymore .

You dont need to give a reason. Divorce him. Life is too short to stay with this abusive man.

I’m guess I have to. I was hoping it was a one off but it has continued so I’ll have to end it

No he’s just a garden variety emotional abuser

leave him.

It doesn't sound like bipolar, it sounds like the cycle of abuse. But yeah you don't need to put up with it, speak to him about getting divorced

OP, look up the cycle of abuse wheel and see if you recognise the dynamic between you and your partner.

He is abusive. Mentally and verbally. Prob financially too. If I were u would start getting ur life in order. Get copies or photocopies of mortgage. Bank accounts. Pensions. Everything important. And I would start putting money away. As much as you can without him noticing as this will be the one way he will try to force u to stay by saying how will you afford to keep yourself and kids etc. start looking to go back to work asap.!

He hasn't got bipolar disorder.

Oh OP I so feel for you. You know that you're not fat and you know that you're absolutely pulling your weight in the relationship. Everything he's saying is hurtful. The chip chip away at you will eventually have its effect. It will drag you down. If you still love him then you will have to find a way to make him face his behaviour- maybe through couples counselling and maybe things will change. Otherwise I think you'll have to reclaim your life. Good luck!

He doesn't actually like you, does he.

Luckily no one needs a reason for divorce these days, and you can find the process online - you can even start it online...

https://www.gov.uk/divorce/file-for-divorce

Thank you so much