Feel so unappreciated and run to the ground

[BoyMamma0706]

I am so fed up of the same things every day. I have a newborn baby at home as well as two other children (11 and 2) and I am literally doing everything (cooking, cleaning, washing, tidying up and looking after the kids) and my partner does nothing. Yes he works and I'm currently on maternity from work but he does nothing to help out, he'll sit there and watch me do everything. I'm up every night with my baby for feeds as my partner won't get up. I'll take the baby in the living room for a feed then put him back to sleep in the bouncy chair and that's when I'll end up going back to sleep on the settee.

My eleven year old is very hard work, he doesn't listen and needs a lot of prompting in the morning to get ready for school, he also has an attitude as well. My toddler has communication difficulties and is nonverbal which frustrates him and has lots of meltdowns which are really bad to the point where I'm the one dealing with them as my partner loses his patience very quickly and then we end up arguing. He also takes his moods, tiredness, anger and frustration out on me (verbally) quite a lot. I don’t feel appreciated or desired anymore.

I've been talking to another lad online for months now (since the end of January) and it's been very intense to the point where boundaries have been crossed. I've developed very strong feelings for this person and we've told each other that we love each other. We've had some explicit conversations as well as spoke over the phone sexually (over the phone after I had my baby). When I told him I didn't feel great in my body being pregnant as I was quite ill, he told me I was sexy and wanted to sleep with me whilst I was pregnant. He's also told me that I'm an amazing mother. I had my baby at the end of April and during this time, he got into a relationship with another woman. We wished each other well and stopped communicating for about ten days when he messaged again saying that he missed our talks and things got back to how they were. We want to meet up (he lives four hours away from me) and he's said he'd come down and book a hotel to stay at so we could see each other). I know deep down we can't be together because of the distance plus we both have partners and it's breaking my heart.

I love my kids more than anything and I wouldn’t change them. I feel so depressed and I'm so tired, I could cry. The cycle that I'm stuck in is horrible and I can't see any other way out.

This is another one of the pregnancy fantasy troll posts isn't it.

No not at all

@SilenceLaySteadily no not at all

You’ll have a lot more time for the cooking, washing, feeding etc if you stop messaging the strange man online who you have never met.

You can’t be that tired if you’re having an affair.

Its easy to slip into a fantasy world, when things are difficult at home. It seems that this man is providing you the attention that you aren't getting from your partner. Having an affair isn't going to improve anything. I am wondering why you decided to have another child with a man, who is not a good parent or partner, and when you already have a difficult parenting situation with your older kids. It is very chaotic and stressful on all levels. Take responsibility and action to sort the situation. Stop cheating. If your partner is not bringing you joy, make arrangements to leave him. Seek counselling to help you help your children. Make your life better first before getting entangled with another man.

I do wonder why you've got a newborn if you've got a toddler and an 11 year old who are difficult, combined with a partner who does little.

A bit of common sense never goes amiss. That said, get rid of the online fantasy idiot. He's not going to help you scrub the dishes, or babysit the kids. Have an adult conversation with your actual partner. The one who appears to be financing all this.

Be careful you don't add another baby to the chaos!

Another man in the mix will be really helpful. Go for it. Maybe he can come around and shame your husband into pulling his weight.

Or maybe not. Sort your house out. Another man is the last thing your children need.

This is exactly what I thought

@Hatty65 err my eleven year old's attitude and my toddlers meltdowns all started recently thanks!!! And who are you to say that to me?!!! "I wonder why you've got a newborn if you've got a toddler and an 11 year old who are difficult", how dare you!

Just warning, this thread may not be genuine.

@LemonadeisbetterCloudy why wouldn't it be?

but he does nothing to help out and there is your problem.

It's your work and you expect help from him. You both live in the same house and have shared children. The housekeeping and childrearing is a joint responsibility. Your maternity leave is for you and the baby not to be a skivvy for the baby's father.

He said he wanted to have sex with you whilst you were pregnant and you think this is a good thing?

How very, very sad for your made up children

'My' eleven year old, 'my' toddler, 'my' baby...

Shouldn't that be 'our'? You are talking to us as if all three children are solely yours, so maybe that isn't helping matters.

Im sorry @BoyMamma0706 but if its THAT bad leave.
There is no excuse for cheating no matter how you dress it up.

The man you are talking to has no morals. By the sounds of it neither does your husband if he is doing as little as you say.

Maybe work on your own morals for the sake of your children and get your head together by being single and focusing on your children for a good good while.

Leaving one unfulfilling relationship for another relationship is never going to end well. There are men who will work, and then come home and play with their children, feed them bathe them and do jobs around the house.

Someone who is messaging you whilst pregnant, knowing you are in an unhappy marriage with 2 other children isnt goong to be one of them though.

@Idontjetwashthefucker they're not made up thanks!!!

@YoBetty sorry "ours" then!!!

You've got 2 kids and a newborn yet you've got the time and energy for phone sex with someone you've never met? Really?

You’re obviously not in a happy place if you’re letting some bloke use you as wank fodder, drop you as soon as there’s a woman on the scene IRL and then come crawling back when she disappears.

Forget him; he sounds worse than your DP (yet another woman who has bred herself into a corner without being married FGS) because at least he’s funding the kids and home.

Sort it out with DP. Or leave. But phone sex wanker is not a solution.

It has to be. I find it hard ro believe anyone could be dumb enough to have a child with this loser of a man. I have no idea who the fathers of the other children are.
And then having an emotional affair and falling in love with another loser whilst breastfeeding and up all night with a new baby.
WTF???????