Was this sexual assault?

[Someoneelse1990]

I’m married. I shared a bed with a friend (his flat has only one bed) and I woke up with him touching me intimately. I was already close to orgasm and only half awake and I didn’t tell him to stop, and he made me come. Now I’m confused as to whether it was sexual assault because I was asleep when it started, or whether I’m a cheat because I didn’t stop him. I was kinda out of it, partly because of just having woken up and partly due to his actions that I hadn’t consented to, so does my lack of saying no at that point count as consent, or was I incapacitated?

You were asleep and could not consent. It was assault, regardless of whether your body responded on a sexual manner or not. Are you okay? Are you still there and safe?
Your safety is paramount so if you can get away just saying you feel unwell please do and then call the police. I’m so sorry he has done this to you.

He started touching you whilst you were sleeping without consent.
Definitely not a friend.

I mean yes, if you’re asleep, you can’t consent.

I’d just like to understand a little more about how you ended up sharing a bed with a male friend while married. It’s not a situation that would usually crop up. Is there history between you, has he made sexual advances before? Is there a mutual attraction - just trying to understand if he would have thought there was “implied consent” there if you had previously been sexual partners or something along those lines.

Sorry this happened to you OP,it's definitely sexual assault if he touched you while you were asleep - you didn't consent.

I'm also confused as to why you're sharing a bed with another man when you're married. I absolutely would not have done this. Does he not have a sofa you could have slept on? Are you previous sexual partners or is he genuinely just a friend?

Sure.

I am very suspicious of this thread. There have been a few weird stories along similar lines on MN over the last couple of weeks.

Righto 🙄

Oh that's definitely not good.Thats a double edged sword on one hand hope it's not true but on the other hand it's twisted if it's for kicks.
Best to report if any doubts.

Honestly, I think both things are true in this case.

Yes, you were sexually assaulted by this man. You were asleep, you couldn't consent. He's not a good guy, and he's certainly not your friend.

But before the assault happened, you got into bed and slept in it with a man who wasn't your husband. I don't know many people who wouldn't consider their partner doing that as cheating.

They're true unfortunately mnhq said in reply to me long time poster.

really? well i assure you i'm just asking for peace of mind

no, i've repeatedly told him i'm not attracted to him. but i really enjoy his company.

I guess it was a dumb thing to do, but it seemed fine at the time; i trust(ed) him and there was just the one bed. I have somewhat poor decision-making skills, especially when drunk, which I was.

I think you're probably right. it was dumb of me, and it was bad of him. well, i've certainly learned a lesson.

re: people posting stuff 'for kicks'.
i'm kinda weirded out by this. why would someone post stuff that's bullshit, for kicks? what would they get out of it? is it a kick to have people comment on a made up story? weird.

You're far from dumb your alleged friend is a deviant opportunist.💐

thank you for that. I don't want to think badly of him because I do actually like him a lot as a friend, but it really wasn't okay for him to do that.

Of course it wasn't right of him to do that and he knows it.
Sorry for the mind fuck situation you're in.

Hopefully others that have been in your shoes can help or better still irl
💐

This guy is definitely not your friend or one that can be trusted. He definitely needs reporting. You are not to blame for his actions.

I do worry about you though, getting into bed with another man whilst married is not ok. You shouldn't of even gone back to his place. Do you think you should curb your drinking a little, just to keep your wits about you, and ensure you don't end up in this predicament (or worse) again.

Incidentally, what is your husband's thoughts ?

My husband says if he sees my friend he won’t be responsible for his actions and there better not be a baseball bat nearby!
I have told my friend it wasn’t ok and that I won’t stay over again. It’s logistically difficult though because he lives where I can’t get home by public transport so he has to drive me (an hour each way) and I hate asking him to do that. And if he’s had a drink obviously it’s impossible so I’m basically asking him to turn teetotal.

Must admit I would chin him if it was my DW unfortunately if it was reported that's a criminal record.

Op don't say you're actually still going to visit this fiend .

Why have you had to repeatedly tell him you aren’t attracted to him? Is it because he’s been telling you he’s attracted to you?
If it is and you know this and you’ve shared a bed with him you’ve potentially implied to him that he may have a chance with you.
Regardless it’s assault as you weren’t awake to consent but don’t share a bed with someone that you know is attracted to you in the future because it is unfair in the person and also puts you in potential danger.

You’re kidding. So you’ll still be friends with him and be with him socially when alcohol is involved?

So, you're married. You stay over at some guys place, knowing that you have no way of getting home, and instead of sleeping on the couch, or him sleeping on the couch, or sleeping on the floor, or getting a cab, or getting a hotel room, or getting your husband to pick you up, you have no choice but to sleep in his bed with him.

He starts masturbating you in your sleep (sexual assault). You wake up. You let him continue, until you orgasm.

Now, you're still friends with him, and you're umming and ahhing about how you're going to get home the next time you go over to his house see him.

This sounds like either another one-handed post, or a brain tumour. My money's on the former.