I’ve left (temporarily) where am I to go?

[McDpark]

Currently sat in McDonald’s car park feeling very sick after walking out of my home. Travel inn nearby, I’m considering staying there for the night. Money is tight. I’ve got not family or friends to turn to. What do people do in this situation. I had to leave it’s no good for my mental health.

What happened? Do you have kids?

firstly you’re brave for leaving, hotels, air b n b, look up last minute deals. Also do you have many club card points sometimes you can use those for hotels if you convert them in the app!

My youngest is 16 she’s fine.

I'm in bed, out of the way of my OH, after he came home drunk and creating an arguement. I'm contemplating the same but you are braver than me. Sending hugs

Can you try contacting Women’s Aid? To stay in a women’s refuge as it will be safe and free. I’ll pop their details down in the following post.

its been a horrific almost 30 years to be honest. Lots of controlling behaviour from my husband. He’s extremely sensitive at times. I’ve been accused of some unbelievable things in the past. He never talks about anything to sort things out. He not capable. I’m sick of living on egg shells. It’s been very damaging to my mental health.

https://womensaid.org.uk/

Google women's refuge

Hotel tonight so you are safe, secure and warm. Then call Women's Aid first thing in the morning. Well done for being so bloody brave and making the change that you know you need and is likely well overdue. Sending strength.

The fact you don’t have friends to turn to is very telling that you’ve been in an abusive relationship .

What makes you think your 16 year old will be fine if he’s abusive?
Stay in a hotel tonight, but please go back for your dd tomorrow!

My DD is fine. It’s only me he bullies. I know I have to go back at some point but I just can’t handle that situation at the moment.

FYI Women's Refuges are NOT free, you have to pay for them unless you qualify for housing element of UC, then they pay for you. The price can be eye-watering if you work FT.

Have you got your ID? Go to your local council offices tomorrow and tell them you’ve been forced to leave your home because of your husband’s control issues. Coercive control is domestic abuse and since 5 July 2021, a person who is homeless as a result of being a victim of domestic abuse automatically has a priority need for accommodation. At 16, that would include your daughter, who will not be alright if she’s left with him.

Having trouble posting, have joined the wifi now

That seems to work now. I’m in the hotel now. Had to make a decision as my phone battery was 3%. The lady at the desk was lovely. I’m here until 12pm tomorrow

You are so brave and strong. You've done the right thing - your mental health and sanity are more important.

@McDpark good luck x well done for being brave enough to leave. Its not easy. Sending hugs and 🙏💐💗

Something has got to change one way or another. My husband has been emotionally unavailable throughout our relationship. I know I deserve a better life than this. It’s just scary. So much to consider. Besides my DD I have a DS at uni. I also have a crazy dog. I work part time and people rely on me, that’s my job. I can’t move areas. I can’t afford to move out alone.

You absolutely do not have to go back except to collect what you need. Talk to your local council tomorrow explain that you are a victim of DA and need safe housing for yourself and your daughter. You might need a police escort to collect your belongings but you do not have to put up with husband's behaviour any longer.
Try to get a good rest tonight.

I don’t feel very brave. This is a very temporary relief. Not long enough. I can’t run away from my responsibilities.

He doesn’t care about me I know that. I feel the hate and resentment from him every day. It’s horrible. I think he only cares about money. That’s the only reason we haven’t split. He earns £90,000. I earn £13,000 at most. He will be worried about his savings and pension. It’s never been about money to me, ever. I’ve never been enough for him and I accept that now. But strangely no longer in a bad way. I do feel stronger in some ways. I know my worth if you know what I mean. I’m sick of being told I’m not good enough. He’s not good enough. Im sort of numb in a way. I’ve been in similar situations like this many times but never left. I’ve always been hurt and emotionally exhausted. This feels different somehow.

Excellent decision. Keep warm, sleep as much as you can. And call Women's Aid in the morning, You are doing brilliantly. It is so hard to break the cycle, you are strong and you are free. Get as much help as you can to keep on going.

https://www.tsb.co.uk/news-releases/TSB-launches-emergency-flee-fund-via-video-banking.html

you mentioned money is tight so the above could be a bit of a life line.
Pleasr don’t leave your dd with your husband long term as he’s either going to start being abusive to her or turn her against you. But you did the right thing leaving tonight. I hope you get a bit of respite.

So sleeping is going to be more difficult than I thought, first night away from home in about 6 years and alone must be nearer 10. I’m not lonely though, my head hurts and won’t switch off, I’m taken some paracetamol. It’s the unknown I suppose. How exactly will I get away from my husband? I’m worried about the kids and the dog, neither cope well with change. My job. Being able to afford to live somewhere else.