Let's have a competition. Who married the biggest red flag ?

[GreenOpalFruits]

I'll go first

1. Lied about how he and his ex wife split
2. Used to turn up places i was when I tagged myself on Facebook practically stalked me until I'd go out with him

   3.was never allowed to see bank.    accounts and all money was separate. Found out after we split he took a 30 grand loan out 

1. Moved into my house and acted like he owned the place without paying for most things
2. Annoying clingy boring family who wouldn't leave me alone
3. Constant moaning about work
4. Love bombing then cruelty
5. Low contact with DC for 3 years until her got a partner to do mummy duties

9 gave me 700 pounds for my maternity leave. I was off a year
10. When on maternity leave he refused to pay for a cracked gutter when water was pouring into DCs room so I had to find 300 quid.

I could go on....

Told me he was an alcoholic first time I met him . Thought he was joking . He was not .

Sorry don't know what's gone on with my paragraphs there

Formatting on MN is not known for its sleekness. It gets us all!

These awful men walk amongst us. I actually cannot believe i bothered. Complete walking red flag

I always have a hard time deciding who was the biggest red flag out of husband 1 or husband 2. Obviously a lot of blame lies with me for picking 2 such awful specimens.

I think I'll go for ex DH2 today:
seemed bright, funny, empathetic. Was educated and well to do. Also v good looking. I couldn't believe my luck. Looking back though, from the earliest days he perceived completely harmless remarks as criticism. He also loved storming out in a huff over perceived slights. Was unhygienic (picking toenails and flicking them in my living room). Was greedy (eating a whole box of MY chocolates without asking), was unpopular at work (I know why, now).

Looking back, it's so obvious that he wasn't right, but at the time I was smitten.

Both his exes were nuts. Their fault he didn't see his dc (3 to the 2 exes).. He didn't go out much these days..
In fact his exes knew he was a shit df..
And he suffered from depression but not when it came to pool /golf /football nights out. Luckily we didn't have any dc.

First husband - I should have realised he was misogynistic.
He and his mother had a pretty poor relationship.

Thank god I did not marry him but I gave him 1 beautiful year of my life. On the first date he told me his ex had a restraning order on him, she had reported him for stalking and domestic abuse. He said she was crazy and bitter. I continued dating him because he was 'good looking'.

He ended up abusing and stalking me (duh!).

Very first date, he'd asked me what sort of food I preferred.
I said Indian, Chinese - anything really but not English.

You guessed where he took me, a steak house.

Many other warning signs that I ignored - to my cost.

We also worked together and he used to tell me people didn't like me

I was 18, there was a 13+ year age gap. Awful.

Hid in the cupboard under the stairs before we welcomed guests to our housewarming party as he wasn’t happy about ‘how many people I’d invited’. Had to coax him out. Later that evening he launched a bowl of pot pourii at me in rage in front of my remaining friends (who he then called ‘the witches of eastwick’ to their faces). Hid behind a sofa one day pretending he wasn’t in so he could ‘catch me up to no good’. Flew in a rage when I went on an impromptu works drinks without informing him (this was 6 months in…) I still STUPIDLY married him as I’d invested in house, self esteem was on floor by this point and he told me ‘no one else would have me as I was a psycho’…friends tried to tell me but I was in denial. Until after wedding when he turned more violent. At one point he said ‘he wanted to kill me but I didn’t need to worry as he wouldn’t kill me as I wasn’t worth ‘doing time for’.
Luckily DH 2 much better 😬
It’s crazy writing it down and that’s just a snapshot.
Oh he then divorced me as he’d got someone else pregnant about a year after I left him and she wanted to get married (poor woman). Great, I said. Papers came through and he’d cited MY unreasonable behaviour for the reason. Insane. Just insane.

As PP stated, said he was an alcoholic in a joking manner. Took me about a year to realize he was hiding drinking from me.

also, he was desperately in love within 6 weeks. I realized that’s he had no one else except his daughter. Not even any friends. Too needy.

Have you written about him before? I remember the guy hiding in the cupboard under the stairs at a housewarming!

Mine was possessive AF. He was forever accusing me of cheating, when I didn't even make eye contact with anyone as I was too scared of his reactions. Constantly threatened suicide when I tried to leave. Sex for absolute HOURS... it was excruciating. Thank god I only gave him 1 year of my life.

1. picked me up for our first date in that a vehicle called his dream car. In the end I called it the old blurter. Think classic sports thing.
2. told me he was divorced and that his ex wife had recently kicked his front door in. Left out the part where he’d been arrested.
3. asked not to meet his two young daughters for a while and he told them all about me and arranged a surprise to meet them both. I did not know he was looking for a nanny with a fanny.
4. once thought I was in another part of the house and I heard him saying the most despicable things to his ex. I met her. She was absolutely gorgeous and really warm.
5. constantly told me he was a truth-teller and other men just lied. So yes, I do fancy your sister and want to sleep with your best friend.
6. made constant creepy comments about other women on TV etc to the point where his daughters would defend me and ask him to stop.
7. when we broke up he told me I’d clearly been more beautiful in my youth but had now lost my looks and would now just be a hump and dump.
8. and the one that ended it for me. He had to judge the performance of a lady one level below him at work. He hated her - she was 50, a feminist and a vegan. He kept her on pins for weeks believing she would lose her job. Then he told me oh she’s really good at it but I can’t fucking stand her so it serves her right. She then had a breakdown and left anyway.

1. Did not tell me he had an outstanding arrest warrant in another country (for fraud) until he got arrested in the UK and eventually extradited. 😬

Spat in my face 1.5 years into dating him , because I bent in the car window to collect keys off of him & my top came down a bit !
Still went on to marry him 🙈.
In my defence I met him on the rebound after the guy I wanted to marry , thought I would, was cheating on me with a work colleague for a year & left me for her .
Anyway, left him 11 years ago when kids were still nice & young & we have a lovely life 🙌 ☺️

Told me she couldn't lie.
That was the first of many.
I knew as soon as the words came out of her mouth that I should run a mile. But I didn't. Because I am an idiot.

All his exes were crazy (apparently) 🙄🙄. He “used to be” controlling but saw the light and wasn’t anymore (apparently).

For me there are absolutely loads but looking back, the one I'm most ashamed off is several weeks into dating he gave me a second hand thong of a girl he'd banged (his words) and made me wear it 🙄. I bloody wore it and married him a few years later.

1. Embezzled money from his parents and was paying it back when I met him.
2. Was stabbed by his flatmate in an argument over cheese.
3. Poured a pint of juice over a 7 year old girl’s head at a friend’s BBQ because she was annoying him.
4. Kissed one of my friends at a party when I was in the room next door.
5. Didn’t believe that there should be accessible ATMs because he didn’t want to bend down to use them.
6. Asked me how I was planning to pay for maternity leave as he wouldn’t financially support my ‘holiday’ (thank god we discussed it before deciding whether to have children together - thankfully I decided not to).

I stayed with him for 14 years so I could keep going on and on!

The red flags I noticed early and should not have ignored…

• turning up at my place of work.
• only really interested in activities that involved alcohol. Easily distracted by opportunities to drink and completely unrepentant about anything that happened that was alcohol related.
• ducking out of serious conversations as soon as they got serious

I had a boyfriend who absolutely lovebombed me from the start.

he was needy and depressed and somehow I thought I could save him.

he had NO friends. He talked about ‘babysitting’ his own children and was obviously a useless father.

he was absolutely obsessed with me. Tried to shapeshift into liking my hobbies.

tried to make me jealous and would get cross when I didn’t react

the fact he moved on SO quickly should have confirmed that he was a walking red flag.

we weren’t even together that long but he’d moved in with someone within 6 months of us splitting!

Fuck me, they walk among us ! Mine was.. After 3 weeks love bombed me and hid his booze in my rented apartment.

Lived in priests safe house as his wife kicked him out.
Um.. had various legal cases against him for theft.
I went on with this relationship fuck knows why..
Got he arrested for driving without insurance when I was pregnant.

Married him, to my horror now.
Messy custody battle still ongoing divorce.

He life's alone in a hovel now. I escaped with the kids we are fine, I left when he set fire to the kitchen, drunk, and hit thd children.

I have never understood why the flags weren't big enough jn thd first place!!!

His Mums first words to me were “Have you seen his temper yet?” A few days in I told him I did something (can’t remember what) different to him, he came right up to my face and shouted “You’ll do things MYYYYYY way, OR ELSE!”

I still wasted the first 14 years of my adult life on him because I was so scared of him 😔 still don’t know how I found the strength to leave him but needless to say I’m so glad I did. My husband is fantastic 😃