Is anyone else going through a very upsetting breakup at the moment?

[dailyconniptions]

I'm missing him so much and regret calling a day on our relationship. I just don't know what to do with myself. I wish more than anything I could turn back time.

Please tell me I'm not alone. I feel it and it's just unbearable. I've made such a mistake. 😞

I’m 9 months in but I felt that at the time.
But surely you have your reasons as did I? I know now with time I was right to end it

You must have had your reasons. And, all breakups are upsetting at the time - but a few years past that (where I am), you will wake up every single day utterly relieved you are not with him, and with joy in your heart. Just keep your eye on the light at the end of the tunnel. Nothing but time can help!

You miss the " what you classed as the norm" no-one likes change, to be uprooted to follow a different path but you felt it necessary for your own wellbeing to feel safe and find a better way of living. There must have been a lot of things making you feel uneasy/scared or just unhappy. You will get there, find all the positives in your life and small things you can do to bring you joy. You've got this 💐

Is it being ‘alone’ that’s frightening, or not being with him? Just food for thought. I’m alone now too, and at first, I’ll admit I was terrified. Now I’m peaceful, still stressed about the unknown, but peaceful. And a better person for it, lots of self growth. Happy to chat if you need a virtual friend 😄

Why did you end it OP? I think it’s important to work that out in your mind.

It's the not being with him that's so frightening. He's a lovely, lovely man who really did care so much for me. I felt I had to end it because I thought I was ruining his life. He's 34 and I'm 55 and I felt so awful about taking his future. We've been together years and he'd genuinely have done anything for me but because I care so much, I felt I had to 'set him free' to live his life. Also I have been paralysed about telling my adult children about us in case they disown me. The whole thing's a dreadful mess and I'm distraught. Thank you for your reassuring comments. Truly appreciated.

It seems to me there is quite a backstory here. If you’ve been together for years he must have only been in his 20’s when he met.
Obviously he was a consenting adult.
How have you managed to conceal this relationship from your adult children?
I think no matter the facts, it was possibly the right thing to let him go. You are both at very different stages in your life. I am a similar age to you and it is a time for change and reflection.
However, has this man had any say in your decision? Was he okay with it or is he equally as upset?
You sound very very anxious and down and that your self esteem is in the floor.
I am not you, it could be a mistake but you do know that the age difference will show up more as time goes by.
The fact that it would upset your adult children is key.
As tough as this has been for you, I don’t think was a mistake. But you haven’t taken from him, and nor does your future depend on him.
I do feel so so sad for you that you are feeling this way. You think that when you get older that you can’t be heartbroken, but you can.
Try to stop putting him at the centre of this - you have to think of your own future.
You still have more decades to go.
In time your heart will mend.
If you reach out and you guys reunite I have a feeling that you will keep feeling you are holding him back, and the feelings around your adult children will just intensify. You will have to go through all this again.

Why did you think ruining his life? He’s 33, surely he can make that call? How long had you been with him

How old was he when you got together? What made you end it now as opposed to a few years ago?

Thank you so much for replying. We've been together for 4 years and my children live in their own homes so it's never come up. He is utterly heartbroken too and is always telling me it's his choice, it's not me 'taking' his life. But everyone is so judgemental about age gaps and if I tell my children, it could ultimately destroy our relationship and I'd never ever forgive myself fir that.

How old are your children? If there is any chance you could get back together could you not drop in to your kids that you met someone younger see how they take it?

Do you mean 4 months as opposed to years?

No it's years. 😞

Would you be able to have a conversation with your children? What age are they? Perhaps they’ll be more understanding than you expect?

They're 24 and 26. Perhaps I could but I just have the feeling that things will become very difficult once I disclose this. Should I just stay away, carry on with my life and try to put it all behind me?

I was, but we live separately and that was a lot of the problem as he wanted us to move in together. I also had kept him a secret from lots of people as they're so judgemental.

hmm, I don’t have kids, so I can’t completely relate, but the relationship I have with my mum, I wouldn’t like the thought of her dealing with similar feelings alone. But unfortunately, no one can tell you what to do. If it helps you to talk it out though, here might be a good place. Do you have friends around you who know the situation? An age gap there is, but he’s an adult who knows his own mind and feelings. Did you have difficulty day to day in your relationship and its age gap?

Fair enough but I had my reasons. Anyway, I was just seeking a bit of comfort from others who may be in a similar boat. It's painful and real.

The age gap hasn't been a problem at all. I don't give it a second thought and nor does he. A few friends know but not most work colleagues.

I do appreciate everyone's responses. Thank you all.

Looking ahead I guess. Surely there'll come a point when he'll start to regret missing his thirties and the life and family he could have had?