Partner watching more am i being unreasonable

[slighlyoverit]

do you consider your dp watching porn as cheating? Especially after you had been intimate the night before and then in the middle of the day he just watches porn. Or whilst im sleeping. He denied it but I coincidentally seen the phone history due to being logged into the same google account.

I personally don't class it as cheating, and i wouldn't class it as overly healthy but I'd be bloody pissed off if he lied about it. Have you ever discussed your feelings in it?

Yes i caught him a fee years back and he got really angry and then said he hasn’t watched it again and i didn't really have any reason to snoop or not believe him. But recently he made a few comments that made me feel uncomfortable and then i found that he had watched it after i let my guard down again
i did feel cheated because obviously theres a reason he was watching it

And that reason would be what, exactly?

Do you consider masturbation cheating as well?

Probably that he is fantasising alot , he says he isn't masturbating when looking but why else would you watch porn.

It isn’t cheating, but you’re allowed to not like it. Doesn’t mean he’ll stop though. I think you need to find a way to be comfortable with him doing it, or at least be able to turn a blind eye to it. If you push it then he’ll just keep doing it but lie/cover his tracks

i don’t understand why someone is bothered if their husband watches porn…it’s bizarre to me tbh.

Maybe because it goes against religion and he has a wife for his needs rather than watching unrealistic things

Leave him then if you feel that strongly, sounds as though it goes against everything you believe.

Ewwww gross…I’m not here for anyone’s needs. My husband will have his ‘needs’ tended to if and when we are both in the mood, if not he can attend to his own needs thanks.

Your comment makes me feel really bad for you and/or your husband. Either you devalue yourself to the point that you think you must take care of your husbands needs when he has them, or you believe he should ignore his own ‘needs’ unless you are prepared to take care of them.

that is absolutely ridiculous…you can’t censor what he watches. As long as it is consensual and over 18 then he can watch what he wants.

I find your point of view fascinating tbh and wish I could understand it. I only have sexual attraction towards my partner. If your partner is sexually attracted to basically anyone attractive and wanking over different women daily, then frankly what is the point of your relationship? How can you enjoy sex with him if he’s fantasising about someone else?

I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a man who watched porn OP.

I assume that he will have been watching it secretly since the first time you caught him.Porn is addictive.

He is getting sexual gratification from.watching women being abused,, violated and exploited. The majority of porn involves violence against women. Users have to watch more and more extreme genres in order to continue to get satisfaction from.it.

Porn affects the users ability to have a normal relationship in real life.

I'm afraid if you ask him not to use porn he will continue to watch it. Personally I would end the relationship over this.

You can't understand "the point" of a relationship with someone which is based on more than just sexual attraction?
I'm attracted to (lots) more people than just my DH. But I'm not only with him because he won the sexual attractiveness competition. I actually like and love lots of things about him beyond his penis.

I think only having sexual attraction to one person is EXTREMELY unusual and not a prerequisite for a relationship (or the majority of the population would be single). I also think that masturbation is personal and what a person fantasises about is their business.

I’m anti porn because it’s exploitative, addictive and dangerous. Not because I think it’s somehow cheating.

There are many reasons to not like porn. I find it bizarre that some women don't care Lots of women are forced or coerced into the industry.
Some porn includes either actual or fantasised rape, incest, child abuse, torture, violence. This can led to a desire for these in real life.
Porn addiction is closely associated with poor quality sex, in ability to ejaculate and impotence.

But this isn’t the issue here…nobody is talking about an addiction. And it’s likely he accessed a site like porn hub which has undergone a huge cleanse so that only VERIFIED age appropriate and consensual sex appears. What you are talking about is illegal content, not porn.

“I think only having sexual attraction to one person is EXTREMELY unusual and not a prerequisite for a relationship (or the majority of the population would be single). I also think that masturbation is personal and what a person fantasises about is their business.
I’m anti porn because it’s exploitative, addictive and dangerous. Not because I think it’s somehow cheating.”

This with bells on.

Firstly I was responding to your statement about why you can't understand why anyone is bothered by their partner watching porn.

Secondly, pornhub is constantly being sued by victims of child rape for allowing their abuse to ve on the site. The owner is a lawyer who has congratulated other lawyers for getting men off being prosecuted for having child rape videos.
Many of the videos om Pornhub are still incredibly violent.
Even "normal" porn has been shown to make men worse lovers. Less loving, passionate, and less into foreplay. Porn is 99% directed for men.and their pleasure and gives little attention to women. It often just turns women into a series of holes to be rammed.

I didn't used to either, but what they are doing is watching real naked women. It's not animation or robots, and I think this is lost on many people today. I don't think that quite fits in the context of monogamy because they're sexually engaging with other women in a way that is intentional.

Then there's the matter that they're engaging in prostitution. Even if they're watching free porn, what they're witnessing and enjoying on screen is prostitution - money for sexual services. It's actually very reasonable to object to that.

Cheating is when they get physical with another real life woman. So no.

Doesn’t mean it’s acceptable though. That’s your decision.

I'd say that's fairly unusual to be honest.

I'm sexually attracted to absolutely tons of people, as is DP. Sexual attraction isn't the point of our relationship. Love is the point, wanting to spend the rest of our lives together is the point.

Cheating doesn't just have to be getting physically involved with people. Alot of people have online relationships and regardless, if they are watching naked people online and degrading content and then have been trying to practice on you but i didn't know it’s from porn.
also once something has been spoken about and you continue to do i think its because you don’t respect your partner and also im sure if it was the other way around men would probably be uncomfortable if their partners had pictures of naked men on their phone

The majority of porn does not involve violence against women.

The rest of your comment is akin to saying that everyone who has a drink is an alcoholic.

Can't help but feel that's a really naive point of view. You can be attracted to other people but not act on that attraction.

Masturbation in the context you're referring to is quite different and has nothing to do with his relationship or when he has sex with his wife.

I don’t think it is about someone being sexually attracted to someone else when they watch porn…I mean I would have a problem with only fans because then it is about a ‘real’ person rather than just an aid to reaching climax.

With porn I think it isn’t about it being real people, or being attracted to anyone at all. Is it any different than if you see an advert for pizza on the tv and it makes you want one, or you watch a vlog of someone on holiday and it makes you more excited for your own that is coming up.

I don’t see watching porn as a reflection of how my husband feels about me, because when I watch it I’m not thinking how much better it would be if I was with any of those people instead of him. I would only have concerns if it was not legal, if it was an excessive amount, or if it meant we didn’t have any intimacy but he was looking to porn as a replacement for being with me.

I don’t think that I’m in the minority though, and I’m also not super confident with a beautiful figure. I just don’t see masturbation as anything other than what it is, boosting your self esteem. And porn is just a way to help do that.

I would be uncomfortable if my husband had pictures of naked women on his phone too, that’s entirely different from porn. Porn is about the sexual activity, a naked picture is about the person and them wanting to keep it.

You take it to be disrespectful that he continues to look at porn after you’ve ’spoken about it’, but I would find it disrespectful if someone told me what I could and couldn’t watch.