Am I overthinking this man from online dating after one date?

[Badgertime]

Long time single (10/11 years) although did some online dating last year which was pretty hideous.
I went back on to have a look a week or so ago and nearly came straight back off but started chatting to one guy.

It's been difficult after so long out of a relationship to know if I'm analysing things too much or being picky over silly things.

So we chatted over Whatsapp a few days and one evening I casually asked 'how's the dating gone so far?' A silly, awkward question I know but I was kind of searching for things to say and I've usually been asked it before myself and not really minded.
He went quiet a while then texted back 'that's irrelevant' and ' so are we going on a date or not?'
I just replied and felt a bit silly.

So we went out on one date which went fairly well and we chatted over a drink.
Then he starts calling me 'beautiful' and 'babe' in texts as pet names which has really thrown me as I'm not even one for pet names during a relationship let alone after one date. Plus I'm 45 years old!
That actually pissed me off and I don't really know how to address it so have just ignored it.
Then he asked if we could hook up today (3 days after 1st date) which I said OK to and he asked me if I had any dresses and that he'd like to see me wearing a dress.
That pissed me off again as imo I wear what i want for someone who doesn't even know me (I do dress up and by no means wore trashy clothes on the first date but kept it smart and low key).

I had a bad day at work and didn't feel well today and just didn't feel well enough to go out on a date and apologised to him. He was OK with this and wasn't angry but started saying I could go to his place instead where it was warm and chilled out. I declined saying i would be going to bed early.

He then referenced me going over to his place again next time which I find unsettling after a first date as I made it clear in out conversation I was in no rush to get into a relationship and took things slow. There is no way I'd go to a guy's house on a second date now (I have 3 teenage children so very different to when I was younger and single). It scares the hell out of me now!

Am I reading too much into these comments or should I be careful?

Doesnt sound like you like him? Sex would be on the cards if you went round his.
But i get it op, im long term single and am overthinking somewone i met a few weeks ago that talked non stop about himself! I dont fancy him at all!

I'd have ignored him after his "that's irrelevant" comment. It show that he can't communicate politely, even if he wants to gently steer the conversation in another direction. It doesnt bode well.

The Babe nickname is just lazy and not the kind of language I'd accept.

He's looking for sex/hook ups and nothing more.

He’s just after a shag. Block him and move on.

The dress comment would get my back up too

I completely agree with you, OP.
Inappropriate.
What hobbies do you have? Friends a decade older than you have met lovely men via new shared pastimes. (And not one online.)

You don’t like him, he’s irritating you, he can’t remember your name, you are happy he wasn’t angry because you aren’t well.

He’s a demanding fuckwit who’s love bombing you for a shag
block him

Trust your instincts on this one.

Thank you everyone. Knew I could trust mumsnet!

I feel the longer I leave it the less likely it is to happen but online dating is just awful isn't it?

I have 2 dogs and have met lots of lovely people through dog walking and also play some music but it's just being able to commit to doing things as life is always so busy with work etc.

I feel I am quite guarded having had a difficult marriage and divorce and some not very nice relationships before that so I think I can be overly cautious about making the same mistakes.

I have been happy on my own and by no means 'need' a relationship. I guess it would just be nice to have someone to share with etc.

He’s a definite no imo. He couldn’t tell you his dating life has been long and sex-based as then you’d know his intentions so he made you feel bad about the question. Totally normal question, I never had a negative reaction to that when I was OLD. Then trying to get you to go round to his house for a second date (wants sex), asking you to wear a dress (controlling/testing if you can be controlled), the pet names early (attempting to build false intimacy). He’s a parade of red flags, well done for feeling uncomfortable about that, just run and don’t look back!

You are perfectly entitled to be put off by his behaviour. I would be. It's not at all irrelevant for you to ask how the dating is going. You have every right to find out if he is playing the field, or looking for one person, or to pick up vibes from whether he disses all his recent ex-dates.

I would HATE to be told to wear a dress. Years ago I was invited to a party by a man who asked me to wear the shortest skirt I had. I turned up in a maxi skirt with woolly tights to wind him up.

So far he has criticised you for asking an entirely relevant question and dictated what you wear. Please don't date him again.

You touched a nerve when you asked him how dating was going. He didn't answer because he keeps getting blocked by women for being a knob.

Throw this one back

He's after sex.

If someone asked me to wear a dress I'd drop them there and then. And I fucking love a good dress.

In short: yes

Nope. Any one of those things would have been enough to put me right off, never mind a string of them.

Be discerning, and follow your gut. The signs were there from That's Irrelevant, have the confidence to spot them and read them for what they are, do not make excuses for shitty men.

In the bin with this one

Thank you for all your replies. I think I will take heed and trust my gut! 😎

He’s clearly a long term user of dating sites and isn’t really interested in getting to know anyone really. Sounds like he’s after a quick shag.

Then he asked if we could hook up today (3 days after 1st date) which I said OK to and he asked me if I had any dresses and that he'd like to see me wearing a dress.
OP are you aware of what the term hooking up means? If he asked to hook up he was expecting sex at this point.

No, I just thought it meant 'catch up' or meet up?

Those were my words on here not his (just to clarify).

Now I'm going to have to google it! 😅

Whoops! i need to stop using that term now. 🤓

Can you believe I work with teenagers all day and have 3 of my own and don't even know that! 😶

Ewwww. You’ve said you don’t feel well….. so he’s invited you to “hook up” at his place, where it’s warm.
How inviting!

Bin and move on.

He's just after a shag! And saying he wants you to wear a dress...🙄 definitely block this one and move on!