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Relationships

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When a colleague only wants to get a leg over

52 replies

TheCyanJoker · 05/06/2026 13:51

Just posting to vent as I'm sad about a situation with a male colleague. I'm F, married, him M, has a partner. We worked on a joint project and got into the habit of messaging each other. I supported him for project lead and he got it. We texted a bit of banter, a bit of work stuff, a bit about our kids but mostly humourous things about our workplace. We had two walks around the business campus at lunchtime and an ice cream and that was it over the course of five months. Nothing flirty, just friendly, next thing is last weekend the drunken "I have feelings for you x" text from him. So, so gutted. I told him not to be daft, we're just friends. Now he's " hurt and angry at his behavior and letting.me and his partner down" and essentially doesn't want to talk to me at the moment outside of work things. Honestly fucking men. I really thought this one was different and I'm gutted cos I miss the banter and just feel so damn used.

OP posts:
LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 06/06/2026 09:29

Iriseee · 05/06/2026 22:54

Sorry OP, I think it's naive to think you can have banter, regular messages and ice-cream with a male colleague and for it to be nothing else.

It is actually possible for women and men to be friends. But yes, the men have to be grown ups, not stuck in emotional pubescence staring at their dicks.

DeepRubySwan · 06/06/2026 09:48

Yes sucks doesn't it? I am also married and had a younger male work colleague who I thought was a friend start to get really sexual with me. It was a hard situation as my direct manager fancied him and was close friends with him and he had her wrapped around his little finger. I had to endure almost a year of him openly staring at me often in a very sexual way, scanning my body, leering, following me around the building blocking my exit from rooms with his body, trying to flirt and staring at my tits/arse/legs/groin any time he saw me whilst also seeming angry I did not reciprocate. I honestly felt stalked by this guy but couldn't do anything about it as management was extremely dysfunctional. I ended up leaving but it really impacted my mental health especially the aggression. If things get really toxic I would recommend you just leave. And keep a distance from male colleagues in the future.

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