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Relationships

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Could you rebuild trust after your husband returned to escort sites?

39 replies

WhosLineIsItAnyway5 · 05/06/2026 13:13

A bit of advice, my dh got caught accessing an escort, long story but he came clean. We have a young family, I decided to try and forgive and move on. At that time there was significant stress and money worries, not an excuse but nevertheless I chose to try work on it. He accessed therapy and came clean to friends/family. Fast forward a year later, I’m looking through his phone to be nosey - I do this now and again probably for reassurance, aware the trust is building still. I notice a rogue email link and follow it, I discover he tried to log back in to the site that mainly is about escorts/webcams etc. I done some investigating and it looks like he went to create an account again but then didn’t. So I screenshot the email, and give him loads of opportunities to come clean. Tbh for me it was a relapse, one of which I would have understood if he told me himself, chatted about it and we could have looked at it together. But he lied through his teeth. I said to him that I needed access to his emails to check for my ‘own sanity’ that he hadn’t been accessing sites again, he was a nervous wreck, but low and behold there was nothing there, so he had obviously deleted it. I asked him again to come clean, again he denied it. I then at this point showed him the screenshot of the email, and he knew it was game over. He says that he knew I would end the marriage if I found out he tried to access these sites and felt he couldn’t be honest, he panicked and avoided the confrontation. Now even as I’m typing this, I get it, in my head the marriage is over, but I feel awful about it. He thinks he has addiction issues and needs help. He is an incredible father and an amazing husband (the above of course not included). What would you do? Can you move on from something like this? Financially we are tied until January, so even physically moving on will be impossible.

OP posts:
granhands1 · 05/06/2026 13:13

No

DaisyChain505 · 05/06/2026 13:20

He broke your trust, lied to you, cheated and disrespected your relationship and you as a person.

You forgiving him told him what he could get away with.

The man is a creep who didn’t think twice about cheating on you when you had children together whilst also contributing to the awful sex industry.

He did it once, he did it twice. He’ll do it again and it’s probably happened alot of other times you just haven’t caught him.

If you stay with this man you’ll spend the rest of your life wonder what he’s up to.

He is not an incredible father or husband. He’s been wearing a mask and now it’s slipped again. Incredible men don’t cheat on their wives and use sex workers.

Screamingabdabz · 05/06/2026 13:22

No. He’s a liar, a sleaze and a cheat.

Wake up op. He’s not an ‘amazing’ anything. He’s a terrible husband and a shit role model to your kids.

TheLongRider · 05/06/2026 13:24

No, it takes two to maintain a relationship and he has decided he will disrespect your boundaries.

You will never have peace in this relationship.

Dunnocantthinkofone · 05/06/2026 13:25

He is an incredible father and an amazing husband (the above of course not included)

WHAT have I just read? Is your bar really so spectacularly low that you consider him being happy to risk his entire family over cheap thrills and exploitation of other women can be viewed in isolation?
He clearly only gives a shit about being caught. Not a chance I’d consider trying to continue the relationship after that

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 05/06/2026 13:26

Not at all, fool me once and all that.
if you want to stick with him you need to accept it’s an open relationship and always use condoms even for oral sex and get sdt checks regularly.

Two2TooAlsoToToward · 05/06/2026 13:27

Dunnocantthinkofone · 05/06/2026 13:25

He is an incredible father and an amazing husband (the above of course not included)

WHAT have I just read? Is your bar really so spectacularly low that you consider him being happy to risk his entire family over cheap thrills and exploitation of other women can be viewed in isolation?
He clearly only gives a shit about being caught. Not a chance I’d consider trying to continue the relationship after that

Edited

This. Raise your bar, OP. Incredible father and amazing husband, my arse.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, she on me.

He had a second chance, blew it, and lied to your face. LTB.

Endofyear · 05/06/2026 13:31

An incredible husband and father doesn't try to hire escorts for sex outside the marriage. It's not an addiction, it's just another sleazy man getting his kicks by using women. You have given him one chance to make up for his behaviour and he's blown it. Please don't make the same mistake again.

BlondeFool · 05/06/2026 14:11

No. He’s ridiculously sleazy.

AnonymityAnonymity · 05/06/2026 14:32

That's the thing about men who use sex workers OP. It's never a one off. It's part of their psyche to buy women for sexual gratification.

Most women wouldn't have given him a second chance.

As pp have said he is not an incredible father and an amazing H. He is a misogynistic man who puts his sexual gratification first and foremost.
You should read some of the experiences of real prostitutes- not the glamorised and sanatised presentation of sex work - and you will see what women have to put up with from men like your H.

Rachelshair · 05/06/2026 14:40

He's not an amazing husband, he really isn't! And that level of snooping is extreme.

Purplecatshopaholic · 05/06/2026 14:41

Screamingabdabz · 05/06/2026 13:22

No. He’s a liar, a sleaze and a cheat.

Wake up op. He’s not an ‘amazing’ anything. He’s a terrible husband and a shit role model to your kids.

Sums it up.

ForSnappySwan · 05/06/2026 14:43

He's an amazing husband apart from his addiction to prostitutes?

VickyEadie · 05/06/2026 14:44

Rachelshair · 05/06/2026 14:40

He's not an amazing husband, he really isn't! And that level of snooping is extreme.

I always wonder what people who say this mean by "amazing".

Error404FucksNotFound · 05/06/2026 14:44

No.

The fact he didnt stop and so got caught again would tell me that he had no intention of changing. My choices would therefore be in a marriage with a man who used escorts or leave.

I would choose leave.

Also, if you think he actually stopped or that the times you caught him are the only times he betrayed you, you are fooling yourself.

Error404FucksNotFound · 05/06/2026 14:47

VickyEadie · 05/06/2026 14:44

I always wonder what people who say this mean by "amazing".

Ive asked before when other posters have claimed this. Turns out they do the bare minimum in the house and do a bit of stuff with the kids.

Certainly nothing that would earn a woman the title Amazing Mum.

MsSmartShoes · 05/06/2026 14:48

It’s part of his character. You have to live with it or leave.

Pollyanna87 · 05/06/2026 14:51

He cheated and, more importantly, he thinks he can buy consent.

Rachelshair · 05/06/2026 14:53

Error404FucksNotFound · 05/06/2026 14:47

Ive asked before when other posters have claimed this. Turns out they do the bare minimum in the house and do a bit of stuff with the kids.

Certainly nothing that would earn a woman the title Amazing Mum.

Edited

Yeah he probably does 2 school runs a week, mows the grass and picks up his pants off the floor 😀, sometimes.

Yellow456 · 05/06/2026 14:55

I have been there to and it destroyed our marriage

Tiptopflipflop · 05/06/2026 15:03

An incredible husband and father does not spend money (particularly when, as you say, money is tight) to buy the consent of a woman to have sex with and in doing so put his wife's health at risk.

Unless he is on on dopamine agonist drugs medication which is known to cause this sort of behaviour, I cannot see any excuse.

He has shown you how he thinks women should be treated. Are you prepared to tolerate that?

Beenwhereyouareagain · 05/06/2026 15:07

"after your husband returned to escort sites"**

Sorry, but no. Don't live your life with a serial cheat. No one deserves that.🌹

ginasevern · 05/06/2026 15:21

Ah yes. Men and their issues (addiction, depression, work stress, kids, money, their grandmother died). The cure always seems to be fucking or trying to fuck another woman doesn't it. But to answer your question OP, no you can't move on. You'll waste another 20 years of your life only to find he's still got the same "addiction" whilst you're just older and more haggard.

Coconutjelly22 · 05/06/2026 15:23

Absolutely not, you forgave him once and he still carried on, he has no intention of stopping and if you keep on forgiving him will just make him think its ok to carry on, dont put yourself through this.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/06/2026 15:24

No.

Addiction elicits empathy when it doesn't involve circumventing women's consent. As far as I'm concerned he's a rapist who hates women, as well as a cheat.

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