Husband leaves after every argument

[Maya205]

Hi everyone every time my husband and I get into a big argument he packs his bags and leaves the house. He usually goes to his parents, (once to a hotel) but usually tries to come back a few hours later. We have 2 kids and I’m just so tired of this immature behaviour. Has anyone else experienced this? Also how to deal with it? Thanks

Is this a drs appointment that should be ten minutes that turns into two hours, or long gym visits? I guess he doesn’t communicate that he’s going to be gone longer.

Does he say where he is or what’s taken so long?

also random, does he take drugs?

not that any of this is acceptable, I guess if he’s a little longer it’s no biggy but if he’s gone for hours and you don’t know why that is an issue.

It’s a really toxic pattern.

Why do you keep arguing?
He leaving and you licking the door, is very childish on both sides.

Your typo has really cheered me up this morning OP. Thankyou,

It’s poor emotional regulation. He or you both need therapy and to learn how to communicate without escalation. Prob worth doing if you stay together or split as you need to co parent. Insist on it. He feels awkward for needing therapy but he still needs it

He just shouts at me and that upsets me as I ask him to talk calmly. I find it really disrespectful. I didn’t used to lock the door but since he automatically packs his bags each time in front of the kids I had enough and told him if he does it again I won’t let him back in. It’s childish I know but he won’t go to therapy and he won’t stop this ridiculous behaviour

He doesn’t take drugs. Yes it’s every random time he goes out like to a drs/dentist/errand etc

As a previous poster said, counselling or split up. Can you imagine the effect his behaviour is having on your kids!!!

So when he goes out to these appointments is he gone far longer then expected? Like if you expect him to be gone for an hour but he is gone for four?

Do you have each other on a Find My Iphone type app?

I had enough and told him if he does it again I won’t let him back in

Never make a threat that you won't carry out.
When you say you won't let him back in, in your mind for how long does that apply? Just to the following morning? Then you let him back in and all is fine again until next time?

What help do you want?
You cannot change his behaviour, so there is no point in asking us how to make him change. You can only change yourself.

Do you want help with practical steps on how to end this relationship?

Whilst I never condone temper tantrums by adults, I do think you unnecessarily escalate the situation. If he does this regularly and comes back after an hour or so, you know the pattern well. So, why inflame the situation and lock the door? This means he has to go to either his parents or a hotel. Sounds to me like 6 of one, and half a dozen of the other, type of situation. Next time you have an argument with him, pack his back for him and tell him how pathetic and predictable he is and one day, can he shock you and actually act like an adult for a change.

OP this is abusive, manipulative behaviour.
How much have you stopped asking him things because of his reaction. I couldn’t stay in a situation like this