Am I unreasonable to expect him to switch off his alarm?

[ByUniqueViper]

My husband gets up at 5am to go to the gym before work. He sets his alarm clock but usually wakes up before it. But then he often forgets to turn the alarm off. So then it goes off and wakes me up.
Also I cant always find the alarm clock initially as he puts it in different places and he's left our bedroom when it goes off.
I have asked him to try to remember to turn the alarm clock off. He says it doesn't matter because if he didn't wake up before it went off, it would wake me up anyway.
This is true but I feel if it could be avoided then why not avoid it.
For context he works 7 minutes away from home and works a 45 hour week.
I work at home 3 days a week, but twice a week I do a 3 hour round trip to travel to work and I work between 50 to 60 hours a week. I recently booked a week off work as I was exhausted and a blood test revealed I had low iron, B12 and vitamin D which im now building back up and have started feeling better.
Some days I'd just like to stay in bed a little longer so that I don't feel as tired. Am I asking too much?

No it’s not too much to ask, he’s being selfish and thoughtless.

That is just downright selfishness OP.

He is actually potentially damaging your health - being woken up from deep sleep repeatedly can affect your blood pressure. And also lead to chronic exhaustion.

It sounds as though at worst he is being vindictive or at best just couldn't care less about your health and happiness.

Why doesn't he set the alarm on his phone which he will then presumably take with him.
I would hide the alarm clock.

Wow his logic is absolutely horrible in that you would have woken up anyway. I couldn’t be putting up with that even once but I am murderous if I’m woken up unnecessarily.

That’s extremely selfish. My husband gets up just before then and 90% of the time I don’t even stir (this includes him getting dressed etc in our room). It’s not difficult to be considerate!

It’s very selfish.

I would die on this hill and he’d be sleeping in the sofa until it stopped. Absolutely disgusting behaviour. It’s bad enough you have to put up with a 5am alarm on days he doesn’t wake before it, but to leave it on when he is up and out and actually defend what he has done and refuse to stop is disgusting, even worse that his wife is unwell and he doesn’t give a shit.

Nope. Either he goes to the sofa or I’d go and stay there until he stopped.

What an inconsiderate twit! I couldn’t live with someone so inconsiderate.

My DH gets up earlier then me, if (rarely) he sleeps until his alarm then it is what it is in waking me up but he would never leave his alarm on if he has already left the bedroom.

Like a PP suggested, we use our phones so we have taken them out of the room anyway.

He is prioritising his personal comfort above your physical well being. It shows a deep lack of empathy and respect. Your health is non negotiable and not something to compromise on.

Your husband’s behaviour is disgusting. Nobody who doesn’t want to be woken at 5am (and doesn’t have to be for work etc) should have to be; it may be at a point where you’re being roused from a deep sleep cycle and over time this could be damaging to your health, and it certainly sounds like it’s damaging to your wellbeing (I’m falsely separating these really when they can’t be separated, but you get the point). You’re actually very giving to sleep in the same room as him given his rising time is different from yours and so early, so the very, very least he can do is turn off his alarm. He should also be putting his clothes elsewhere and not dressing in the room, doing anything else needed not to disturb you etc. Is there a spare room he can sleep in from now on?

I'd not be sleeping in the same room until he sorts his attitude out.

He would have to stay in another room, or another house. How would he feel if you started waking him in the middle of the night?

Selfish child. I’m really wondering what is the point of suffering this.

Yes by shoving it up his jacksey. What a selfish prick.

Unless you are getting up at the time his alarm goes off he’s being unreasonable

put a hammer next to the bed and when he asks what it’s for tell him it’s to turn his alarm clock off

Yep he’s selfish. My H was the same. He’d have an early alarm Friday but if he was away overnight he’d forget to turn it off. Now we have separate rooms.

Get him to buy a watch with a vibrating alarm.

Or as PP said have the alarm on the phone which he takes with him.

Or sleep in the spare room if you have one.

Or LTB.

Either way, it's totally unacceptable.

Well he is a prize isn't he. He's wrong too. If the alarm was to wake him up, he would switch it off , so it might disturb you, but there is a good chance you could just turn over and go back to sleep, or at least keep dozing for a bit. If he's gone when it goes off, and you have to search for it and turn it off, no chance.

Sorry, my vote is a Yes but I accidentally hit No. Can’t change it in the iPhone app.

It's very selfish behaviour. He's essentially saying he doesn't care if he wakes you and you're exhausted. It would be a real shame if you accidentally dropped and smashed his alarm clock when you reach out sleepily to turn it off 😏

Just wait until he's asleep and remove the alarm from the room.

Wake up at leisure. 🤗

I agree with PP, it’s just plain selfish, he could turn it off if he wakes before he gets up and that way you’d have uninterrupted sleep. It’s just lazy and selfish

This

Absolutely unacceptable. I suspect this is not the only area of life in which he is selfish. Doesn't sound like you have time in your life for daily gym sessions - have a look at what could be stopped / swapped to make equal free time. My solutions would be either to sleep separately (if possible) - move to a new room so you get good sleep every day - this is the best option IMO as he will disturb you regardless getting up at 5. If not possible, tell him next time you have to switch his alarm off you are throwing it away so he can't do it again. So his choice if he wants to be careful or not. He can use his phone then instead. And follow through.

I have asked him to try to remember to turn the alarm clock off. He says it doesn't matter because if he didn't wake up before it went off, it would wake me up anyway.

This doesn't even make sense. You're not asking him to turn the alarm off before it goes off if he's still asleep, but only if he's already awake. It's thoughtless and inconsiderate that he's not doing this as a matter of course.
Even more so, the fact that he's arguing with you and refusing to do it after you've asked and explained how it negatively impacts you is baffling.

What does he get out of waking you up when you don't need to be woken? And how does he justify saving himself the tiny bit of effort of remembering and shutting off the alarm worth the hassle and disruption it causes you? I'd want him to answer these questions, and regardless I'd insist that if he can't manage to shut it off himself on a regular basis (and if separate bedrooms or separate houses aren't an option) the alarm goes in one place convenient to you and isn't moved so that if he does "forget" you can turn it off without getting out of bed and hunting.

Hes a nasty selfish man. He is telling you he only cares about himself.
If he didnt wake up and the alarm woke him and you doesnt mean that if he does wake up before the alarm and therefore the alarm doesnt need to wake you you should be woken up anyway!