Staying in an unhappy relationship because my emetophobia makes parenting harder

[PeppyAnt]

I feel so lost and trapped. I suffer with emetophobia I’ve had this since I can remember, I’m now 43. Day to day I manage well, until one of my children are unwell and I honestly feel like I can’t cope, even being in the same room as them when they feel sick or being sick is too much for me. Even when one of my children say they have a tummy ache this can set my anxiety off. I guess I’ve heavily replied on my partner during stomach bugs and he has taken the lead. Although my partner is a great father, our relationship feels over, we’ve been together for 15 years but we don’t connect anymore, I feel like I live with a house mate and have never felt as lonely as I do now. I really don’t feel like I’d manage on my own with my phobia and therefore have stayed in this relationship, I’ve tried every therapy going and spent thousands of pounds. Is there any other sufferers out there and how do you cope? Please be kind to me, I know this phobia may sound ridiculous to most but it can control so many aspects of your life

Have you tried the thrive programme?

I have yes, it didn’t help me unfortunately

I struggled until I became a single parent, with a child who would vomit if he laid too flat after eating, let alone at the slightest hint of a temperature.
10 years later, my DH is the emetaphobe and I deal with it all. Don't get me wrong, I still panic sometimes and worry about getting sick myself, but because I am so anal about how I deal with sickness and how clean everything needs to be when someone is unwell, I am yet to become sick from one of the kids.

I’ve been in this position, we eventually split up when DS was 7.
My phobia is serious, years ago I had a shockingly sudden onset of Norovirus come on me whilst I was talking to customers at work, and no amount of therapy can convince me that it won’t happen again, or that it’s ’not that bad’ when it was actually horrendous!

It wasn’t always easy, I developed OCD, I imagine the virus sitting on every surface, I had to try really super hard not to stop DS doing things that he may come into contact with it, although he did get used to frequent hand washing at a very early age.

DS is an adult now, I only had to deal with the situation twice, I was careful to prepare without passing on my phobia to him (bucket lined with black bags kept under his bed etc)
If the relationship has run its course do try and give yourself a chance to be happy. When DS went off to uni I found a lovely, supportive partner who helps me through each day.