Hello mums, I'm planning to separate from my husband but I've been heavily reliant on him for childcare - 3 kids, oldest 10 and youngest 6.
He's a chronic cheat, like multiple women per week all these past years. I found out he pays for sex workers while I pay most of the bills and stress over finances. He's deep in credit card debt now. An alcoholic as well. And verbally and emotionally abusive. The kids are growing to be very afraid of him and also very timid among other children.
I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown at this point. I have about £5k in savings. I've viewed a new flat to move to, now it's time to pay the holding deposit but my feet are so cold, because he does all the daytime care that let's me work. (I'm visa-sponsored by the employer and husband and kids are my dependants. I can't stop working or even reduce my hours without losing this job/visa).
If I separate, I'll have to inform the home office and they may curtail his visa and we could eventually lose his support anyway.
He does all school runs and covers the children from 7am to 8pm while I work full time hours 5 days a week. My work is in London but we live out in Essex and I commute 1.5 to 2 hours each way. Then he goes to work night shifts 3 times a week when I'm back from work.
Oh the things I've forgiven just to keep our routine. And he just doesn't stop. It's been and endless cycle of betrayal and forgiveness and I've suffered and still suffering too much heartbreak from him. He doesn't want to seek help either.
My salary can't afford a nanny after rent which almost takes all. I've submitted a flexible working application for 3 days compressed hours. But if this is approved I'll still need support for the days I'm working.
Has anyone been in this situation? How did you manage? How did you eventually get out?