No to Anniversary vow renewal!

[SugarSpice2020]

Hi all,
has anyone else approached a milestone wedding anniversary (10 years for me) & not wanted to renew vows? The anniversary for us is forcing us to approach a topic it’s not been desirable to bring up.

my husband & I haven’t been getting on well romantically for several years; almost since our now 6 year old was born. I don’t see it improving much, I think the relationship has just moved on, at least for me (we were different people to start with & it’s become more evident since. Not compatible as life partners, aside practical matters).

he surprisingly just suggested renewing our vows by a lake tomorrow, child present! That would feel v false to me and not something I want to repeat anyway. If marriages had an expiring contract like a flat rental I would not be renewing! Practically a full separation would be very difficult at this point when child is young (reasons I’ve outlined in other posts). But we need to face facts that trying to stay romantic partners just isn’t working.i no longer want sex with him & don’t feel close, while he craves it / intimacy.

anyone been in same boat? How did you have ‘the conversation’ & how did it work out? Thx!

I’ve said my vows once, no need to repeat them. Sounds like you need some counselling rather than this.

We have been married over 30 years, and never considered it. I know my husband would despise the idea, as would I.
Vows are for life, and don't need to be "renewed". That's it.
If you want to celebrate your anniversary, get a babysitter and go out for lunch.

Don’t understand why people renew their marriage vows, it’s not as if they expire

Agree, renewing your vows every 10 years sounds like you are getting your car MOT’d or renewing your passport. I made my vows 20 odd years ago and they still stand, I don’t need to update them as they haven’t expired.

You are fine to say “no” purely on the grounds that you think it is tacky, regardless of what your marriage is like.

I hadn't even thought about vow renewal!

We met 20 years ago in July, so it will be the 20th anniversary of our meeting. We were married ten years ago in November, so it will be the 10th anniversary of our marriage this year. We tell each other every day that we love each other. I don't feel that we need a vow renewal.

If other people want such a thing then good for them - we don't need it. However - if we're still alive (we both have cancer - mine is NED, his is stable, so nothing is imminent) in, say, 5 years we might have a party. To celebrate our happiness rather than anything else.

Exactly. Unless you have broken something then it doesn’t need to be renewed.

I don’t know anyone in real life who has renewed their vows.

Our vows are until death - they don’t expire or need topping up. I think only 2 types of couples renew their vows the first is where there has been an affair, the second is attention seekers.

If you both want to be together then work on it privately and without forcing other people to observe you.

If you don't then separate.

Vows don't wear out.
That said I've been to 3 different vie renewal ceremonies. The first one they were divorced within 2 years; the second one the wife was dying; and the third was after 40 years.

If you don't want him then don't string him along . It seems you can't stand him but want to stay married for your child and make everybody miserable . It's time to go your separate ways .

Despite all the ‘someone’s cheated’ comments, all the vowel renewals I’ve been aware of have been because they didn’t really get the wedding that they wanted the first time round. For eg they were young and skint and had a quick registry office with 2 witnesses, in a charity shop dress, and pint down the pub do. And they wanted to redo it ‘properly’.

Whenever someone says vow renewal I always think of Tyson and Paris Fury who have been “married” (vow renewals) about 5 times now! It’s just meaningless really. It’s a nice party / celebration if you like that kind of thing I guess but if you are already fed up in the marriage it’s not going to make anything better.

Me and DH renewed our vows at 15 years but that was mostly because our youngest dd was absolutely horrified that we had the audacity to get married before she was born 😂. To be fair, we had been through a very tough time in the few years previous and had to live apart at times door to our troubled teenager (undiagnosed AuDhd) but we were still very much married and in love. A solid family unit. Anyway we did it at the local church and my youngest dd was delighted as she pretty much chose everything. Wasnt anything big, probably cost £750 including outfits etc and a buffet after. I did upgrade our rings on top of that as we were piss poor Broke when we first got together so that was nice.

I actually think the opposite than the people saying it’s a patch/ someone cheated, Id more guess this is his ‘we’re gonna make this work’ or he’s trying to suss out how you feel about you both as a long term prospect. dh and I having problems a few years and if I suggested a renewal he’d change the subject, leave the room, suggest something like a day trip instead, anything to get out of it😅 Saying that if you’re not feeling it definitely don’t. Hope all goes ok op x

*vow