Partner says I begrudge his hobbies when I ask for help

[Mattjack2]

My partner has just said he thinks I begrudge him going to play golf/motorbike because I ask him to sometimes help in the garden/other random house stuff. Or even try have a conversation about what we are going to focus on this year (replacing decking maybe or sorting lawn). That one is also nagging. He continued to say he wasn't doing all the stuff that needed doing straight away. At no point have I said anything about straight away nor do I begrudge his hobbies. How on earth does he come to such a crazy conclusion with no evidence!! He does more hobby stuff than I do, I work full time and he is retired working 2 days a week!

Disagree. It's her house and they are not married.

Reading your last post @Mattjack2 ....it's time to call it a day on this one, isn't it?

I agree. I think I needed the counselling to help as youre right, its not working for me.

From how he spoke to you and what he said, you could also say that it's not working for him either. Why would he want to stay with such an awful, nagging, unappreciative woman? (I'm sure you're not those things!!)

Read the OP’s posts in full. She was annoyingly unclear about the ownership throughout, but it turns out he does owe her morally if not legally.

Have you done your share? Or are you just expecting him to do the whole job himself? Why not get started yourself, and he can join in?

I apologise for being annoyingly unclear but my post wasnt about who owns the house but about the conversation. I personally dont think its relevant. If I had moved into his house I wouldn't have been concerned about spending money on it regardless of ownership. Its a home, it needs maintaining and looking after.

You are the tenant with the HA. He has proceeds from his own house sale. The relationship isn't working. So perhaps the discussion needs to be about him moving on now.

It’s your home and it needs maintaining and looking after. So why haven’t you done so?

Honestly, I think your relationship with this man has probably run its course. Read “Games People Play” by Eric Berne.

Sister what is your PROBLEM ??????? He knows that the only reason you re asking these favours is so that HE spends MORE time at home OR that YOU NEED to be validated in his Love. Sister YOU will have much more fun inviting Local tradespeople in to help you. You'll find the conversation FUN, Flirt a little, and you may even grow fond or make real new friendships and then they don't even want paying because they like YOU so much. Sister your World is TOO SMALL.!!!!!!

You what now?

I think this is one of the things couples need to be similar on. Similar energy about getting things done round the house and both having free time to do whatever. I definitely neglect stuff round the house in favour of doing something more interesting and it would do my head in if DH nagged me about it.

House manintence isn’t a hobby. Things need to be maintained to stop them falling in to disrepair. I hate gardening, but I have to keep it passable because I have neighbours and I need to be able to use the garden. It is not expecting too much to have conversations about who and who is going to manage that

He also isn't helping" he lives there. Hes Just doing what needs to be done. He has a shitty attitude.

He's behaving very poorly.

My partner doesn't live with me (kids) and so far this year has sanded and painted my front door, fixed problems in my kitchen, cut the hedge, taken out old carpet, sanded and recarpeted my stairs and is making plans to pull out and redo my decking as soon as we have a free weekend. He works FT and has his kids 50/50, where he does everything.

Just for context - yours needs to do better!

Get rid of him! What does he bring to your life besides stress and sulking?

I've got secondhand embarrassment reading this, please don't flirt with tradesmen for free decking!

I've read the whole post and see why he might not be interested in maintaining OP's home, despite having the time and money.
OP I felt really sad for you reading what a cunt he was towards you when you needed his help and had a bad back. The way he talks to you, the things he says, his actions remind me of one of my least healthy relationships. He isn't showing you kindness and warmth, he wants to wrong foot you and be right. He wants you to be quiet, he told you that. If he was dating your friend or daughter/sister etc, what would you think if they had told you this?

Being single is better than putting up with this useless lump. You're a team player, he's not. He's selfish, miserable, grumpy and quick to turn a conversation into an argument, he's not conflict avoiding, he's creating it.

I hope you see things clearly and it sounds like a blessing that you didn't buy your house together. Get him off the tenancy. The longer he's in your house the more complicated it might be getting rid of him. He might try and claim rights to your home.

There's kind, loving men out there who are generous with their time and show they care with actions and words, you deserve that.

He works 2 days a week? He can get fucked

Oh dear you let a man move in with you you silly thing. You won't be doing that again will you? You've realised now that that makes you a mummy bang maid.

He's lazy and only wants to do what he wants. He's not going to invest time or effort into your home and he resents you asking. He sounds like a shit partner overall so it might be time to call it a day.

He has been quite clear up until now about what's his is his.
Therefore, despite him paying equal bills to you while he is currently resident in your house, do yourself a favour and crack on doing your house up. He won't put his hand in his pocket because he doesn't have to - it's not his house! All the time he pays the oittence it costs to live in your house he is saving himself a fortune for not renting anywhere else. Ok, he may have enough to buy another property but for whatever reason he has decided he doesn't want to do that. Maybe he likes the security of having such a big bank balance.
Make your house your new hobby and to hell with him and his!

He's abusive and using you.
You need to get him out of your home.
Call the police if necessary.

This is not a good man.

He is mean and using you for cheap housing.
Time to get him out.

Whose names are on the house ?

Since it’s your property , the repairs are your responsibility and you’re getting yourself into a tangle by letting him make any repairs or upgrades to your house. Please get legal advice on what rights he could potentially have if you split up - to your home.

He’s an arse for not pulling his weight and he sounds like a nightmare.

It sounds like you’re thinking of breaking it off - how do you think he will take that ? With three years of living there you could have to formally evict him or give him notice and you won’t be able to stop him coming in and out during that time.

Stop worrying about your deck and call a solicitor today.