Partner thinks I'm autistic?

[NewHereAsking]

My partner thinks I'm autistic because 'I'm overly sensitive' and can't handle conflict or criticism.. do you think that's a thing?

Did you get upset when he criticised you and he has told you that you must be at ‘fault’ for getting upset? I would move on.

In the argument he kept saying 'name one thing you do for me' 'name one thing you've done for me in the last five years' I said I don't like these conversations because they feel like an attack and he said 'you're just like your son' (who's autistic) and you're just as sensitive as him and this isn't conflict or an attack..it's a conversation.. he then said that's why I don't have any friends left - because I can't handle any conflict and any friend I have conflict with I end the relationship.. (I definitely don't like conflict and avoid it but I do have lots of friends.)

I diagnose him a cunt regardless of what you may /may not have.

Let me guess he isn't ds's df? So he's verbally abusing him by using that comparison also imo.

It doesn’t sound like a happy or healthy relationship. Surely that’s the main issue.

He sounds lovely. A real keeper. 🤔

He may have a point he may be an arsehole....

People i know who think everything is a personal attack / criticism are generally dismissive avoidant types.
They had parents who met basic physical needs but not much else... (Google it see if it resonates)

Edit:
In the argument he kept saying 'name one thing you do for me' 'name one thing you've done for me in the last five years'

My final answer is B. Arsehole.

Who the hell actually likes conflict?

Being sensitive is common in both NT and ND people. It's not a character flaw unless it's weaponised to avoid accountability. And yes, he was attacking your personality. It wasn't merely a "conversation".

what the hell, name one thing? whats that all about?
id suggest hes a prick. and im sure there’s lots you do that he doesn’t appreciate. why stay if you’re not appreciated….

Ok thankyou so much, I think I needed to hear that by getting upset by him saying something like that doesn't mean I'm being overly sensitive 🙏🙏

I hope you don't live with this creature.

If so throw him out with the trash.

He clearly doesn't like you or your son.

You may be sensitive to start with, but being in a relationship with an abusive prick will make you extra-sensitive.

Either way, someone who says “Name one thing you’ve done for me in five years” needs to get in the bin.

I’ve never in my life been in a ‘conversation’ that involved someone saying ‘name one thing you’ve done for me’. That’s a row.

If he can’t tell the difference, perhaps he has social communication difficulties?

Once you both agree that it’s a row, then ok, does he have a point? It sounds unlikely but just because he has many shite qualities doesn’t stop the relationship being dysfunctional. Quite the opposite really. What does he do for you?

Surely it massively depends on the circumstances?

I mean, we read about cocklodging husbands on here all the time. We don't know OP isn't the female version - not saying you are, of course!

It sounds like he is very frustrated and does not think you pull your weight. Do you have any idea why he might say that?

Anyone who stays with someone who has not done a single thing for them in five years only has themselves to blame if they’re unhappy, so his starting point is manipulative.

He wouldn’t have stayed in a relationship with you for five weeks if he wasn’t getting anything out of it, let alone five years. You’re dealing with a head-fucker.

Oh just another controlling bastard, they get everywhere, if he isn't the father of your DC he should be easy to get rid of.

You have every right to be upset. He is thoroughly abusive.

Thankyou xx

A person could be autistic AND vulnerable to an abusive relationship- someone with ND traits might be more likely to take at face value a manipulative and nasty partner, as your own logical brain might not work like that. I'm not saying you are autistic! I know nothing about you.

Just reflecting that him saying he thinks you are autistic might not be the flex he thinks it is - it actually might be a self-own! My first thought of an autistic woman is not"oh there's a selfish person who does nothing" - but I might worry that you were the sort of person overly likely to put up with his unforgivable shit!!

Thankyou @Shithotlawyer that's really interesting to think of it like that x

My husband cant handle criticism or conflict and is really bad at arguing. Turns out he is autistic. He avoids or deflects criticism which makes me angry then he shuts down even more and i get angrier. This is our pattern. Yours might be similar? Couples counselling with counsellor who understands autism might be an idea if this keeps happening.

He accuses you of being autistic like it is a flaw. You and your son don’t deserve that kind of negativity.

If someone suggests you have a condition because they really feel you could get help to live a happier life (maybe because they're a teacher, therapist or have just known a friend who got a diagnosis) then that's fine, and it's worth listening to them and then seeing a professional if you feel it could make a difference-lots of people say they have traits, but don't feel a diagnosis would help, but some people feel they've struggled all their life and eventually get medication for, eg, AuDHD and do find it helps them.
But if it's just someone being nasty, and using it as an insult, that's not ok.

'YOURE JUST LIKE YOUR SON'

The only response is 'YEAH I AM, NOW GET THE FUCK OUT'

leave this disrespectful psycho - for the sake of your son if nothing else!

I hate conflict, but I am not autistic, I just grew up in a home with parents always arguing and respect my peace now as an adult with choices. I’m also a laid back and fairly forgiving person. Plenty of people avoid conflict, certainly doesn’t mean they are all autistic.

OP - you don’t know for sure that your partner THINKS you are autistic
because he tells you that you are, two different things.
This is a stick to beat you with and cause you to doubt yourself.
Protect your son, learn to deflect or send him packing, good luck.