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Original poster

Holiday scuppered?

34 replies

ClawedButler · 15/05/2026 13:23

We've got a holiday booked to the family-owned holiday home we always go to. The idea was to be there at the same time as a cousin's family, as they have a child close in age to ours, and the kids would have someone to play with.

The cousin's family always go there in school holidays, to make full use of the place (which is in a lovely rural area in Italy, up in the hills, the kids love it). We were aiming to be there at the same time, but my elderly father is scheduled for a minor operation about that time, and so I decided I would stay home to look after him for a week or so, and my husband and child would go and spend time with cousin's family.

Now we've just heard that cousin's family are going to go to Tuscany early (their child goes to a private school so finishes term earlier than ours), then on to another holiday elsewhere. So husband and child will be there in the holiday home alone.

DH and DS get on, but they do butt heads over things like tidiness, attitude and food, and this can turn into big arguments with DS slamming doors etc.. I'm worried that them being alone together for a week will mean lots of arguments, plus DS has no cousins to play with. It's a totally different holiday to the one we planned.

We don't have a lot of money, so cancelling the non-refundable flights does not appeal - we'd lose hundreds. Changing the flights to coincide with at least some of the days cousin's family will be there will cost hundreds as well.

We just don't know what to do. Either lose a load of money, or have a crappy holiday. DS and second cousin are great friends, and the whole idea was that they could have time together.

We should have checked with cousin's family first, I know. But they've gone there every year for many years at the same time, we never suspected they'd do something different.

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 15/05/2026 13:25

You’re made such an error booking this and assuming the cousin would be there
edited as misread - you should all still go away

Original poster
ClawedButler · 15/05/2026 13:43

Yes, we're kicking ourselves that we booked without checking. Do you mean all 3 of us should go to Italy, or DH & DS go to Italy while I look after Dad?

OP posts:
mindutopia · 15/05/2026 13:52

I think your Dh needs to put his big boy pants on and make a lovely holiday for his son. I but heads with my dd. She is bonkers and the most untidy person I’ve ever met. She talks constantly and is frankly a bit annoying. 😂 But I’m a grown up and she’s 13 and I can have a lovely holiday with her because there are more important things than whether she sleeps for the week surrounded by a pile of her own dirty clothes and whether she mostly only eats pizza.

sesquipedalian · 15/05/2026 13:57

OP, can’t anyone else look after your DF after his minor operation? It sounds as though everyone would have a better time if you were there.

Nyx · 15/05/2026 13:58

I don't know how old your DS is but my DD is an only and we often took a friend or cousin away with us to keep her company. Perhaps see if any of DS's friends would like to go away with them, and their parents would just pay for the friend's flight there and back.

WallaceinAnderland · 15/05/2026 14:03

If your DH cannot go on holiday with his own son without you being there to referree them, then there is a very big problem in your marriage.

SleepingisanArt · 15/05/2026 14:07

If it's a minor operation why do you need to look after your father 'for a week or two'? Go on holiday with your family and check on your father before and after...

Myheadisgoingtoexplodeagain · 15/05/2026 14:10

Is DH your son’s Dad? I think the fact that DH can’t spend a week on holiday with his own child is worrying. Sounds like he needs to use the time to work on his relationship with his child.

PoweredBySheerSpite · 15/05/2026 14:13

They should go. It might be the making of their relationship.

Original poster
ClawedButler · 15/05/2026 14:24

Actually, that's a good point - it might help them understand each other if they had a bit of time alone together. (Yes, DH is DS's dad) They butt heads because they don't really 'get' each other - each says things the other doesn't really understand, and they're both quite hot-headed, so it rapidly escalates. But they do love each other, and will have big happy wrestle-and-tumble sessions almost daily.

OP posts:
Savvysix1984 · 15/05/2026 14:41

Let your son take a friend.

Gazelda · 15/05/2026 14:42

PoweredBySheerSpite · 15/05/2026 14:13

They should go. It might be the making of their relationship.

Agreed

TomatoSandwiches · 15/05/2026 14:47

Your husband needs to grow up and even though you think it's lovely they have

" big happy wrestle-and-tumble sessions almost daily. "

These actions/behaviours have the capacity to end up being dangerous, one or both of them going too far, they need a different/healthier way of bonding and communicating.

ThatAquaRobin · 15/05/2026 16:08

So much conjecture from some of the replies on here.
But I agree, just let the two of them go together. They'll be fine x

Pieceofpurplesky · 15/05/2026 16:21

How old is DS?

Dozer · 15/05/2026 16:24

Your H and DS should still go and your H is presumably capable of parenting. His relationship with DS is for him to manage!

MyArtfulGreySloth · 15/05/2026 16:27

You dh and son’s relationship (or rather lack of) is sad! I can’t imagine being worried about my husband having to spend a week with his own child.

TheZTeam · 15/05/2026 16:27

Your DH and DS should go together. The fact that it’s an actual suggestion that they don’t is indicative of a big problem.

SleepingStandingUp · 15/05/2026 16:27

How old is your son? I'm confused between the answering back and slamming doors and needing a play mate.

Send them, it might do them good to have some time alone.

WallaceinAnderland · 15/05/2026 17:31

ClawedButler · 15/05/2026 14:24

Actually, that's a good point - it might help them understand each other if they had a bit of time alone together. (Yes, DH is DS's dad) They butt heads because they don't really 'get' each other - each says things the other doesn't really understand, and they're both quite hot-headed, so it rapidly escalates. But they do love each other, and will have big happy wrestle-and-tumble sessions almost daily.

Your DH is the adult he absolutely should control himself. 'Hot headed' is just an excuse. He should be teaching his son how to manage his emotions, not getting into arguments with him.

Lunde · 15/05/2026 17:40

What sort of surgery is your father having?

PloddingAlong21 · 15/05/2026 22:17

Utterly confused. Sounded like you had a little kid hence playing with cousin? Then you said they bitt heads and he slams doors and argues with DH. Suggests he isn’t a little kid?

let them go, then clearly need to bond

cordeliavorkosigan · 16/05/2026 04:31

I get it, op, maybe I have a problem too, but my DH and one of my dds don't get on well, and while I think they'd have some fun in your situation, i would be fearful they'd fight too much.
I think if you can find another relative to help your dad that's probably best. Or yes , let your ds take a mate.

JustABean · 16/05/2026 04:42

Crikey there's a problem with your dh if he can't control as an adult his words and actions. My dh is literally out sons best friend to and that take hard work, understanding and a lot of communication. They love nothing more than going away together camping having dad,son time and that's down to dh taking the lead and making sure a good time is had

abbynabby23 · 16/05/2026 05:03

ClawedButler · 15/05/2026 13:23

We've got a holiday booked to the family-owned holiday home we always go to. The idea was to be there at the same time as a cousin's family, as they have a child close in age to ours, and the kids would have someone to play with.

The cousin's family always go there in school holidays, to make full use of the place (which is in a lovely rural area in Italy, up in the hills, the kids love it). We were aiming to be there at the same time, but my elderly father is scheduled for a minor operation about that time, and so I decided I would stay home to look after him for a week or so, and my husband and child would go and spend time with cousin's family.

Now we've just heard that cousin's family are going to go to Tuscany early (their child goes to a private school so finishes term earlier than ours), then on to another holiday elsewhere. So husband and child will be there in the holiday home alone.

DH and DS get on, but they do butt heads over things like tidiness, attitude and food, and this can turn into big arguments with DS slamming doors etc.. I'm worried that them being alone together for a week will mean lots of arguments, plus DS has no cousins to play with. It's a totally different holiday to the one we planned.

We don't have a lot of money, so cancelling the non-refundable flights does not appeal - we'd lose hundreds. Changing the flights to coincide with at least some of the days cousin's family will be there will cost hundreds as well.

We just don't know what to do. Either lose a load of money, or have a crappy holiday. DS and second cousin are great friends, and the whole idea was that they could have time together.

We should have checked with cousin's family first, I know. But they've gone there every year for many years at the same time, we never suspected they'd do something different.

Time to bond and learn how to get on together better then! That’s not bad! That’s an opportunity!!

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