Holiday scuppered?

[ClawedButler]

We've got a holiday booked to the family-owned holiday home we always go to. The idea was to be there at the same time as a cousin's family, as they have a child close in age to ours, and the kids would have someone to play with.

The cousin's family always go there in school holidays, to make full use of the place (which is in a lovely rural area in Italy, up in the hills, the kids love it). We were aiming to be there at the same time, but my elderly father is scheduled for a minor operation about that time, and so I decided I would stay home to look after him for a week or so, and my husband and child would go and spend time with cousin's family.

Now we've just heard that cousin's family are going to go to Tuscany early (their child goes to a private school so finishes term earlier than ours), then on to another holiday elsewhere. So husband and child will be there in the holiday home alone.

DH and DS get on, but they do butt heads over things like tidiness, attitude and food, and this can turn into big arguments with DS slamming doors etc.. I'm worried that them being alone together for a week will mean lots of arguments, plus DS has no cousins to play with. It's a totally different holiday to the one we planned.

We don't have a lot of money, so cancelling the non-refundable flights does not appeal - we'd lose hundreds. Changing the flights to coincide with at least some of the days cousin's family will be there will cost hundreds as well.

We just don't know what to do. Either lose a load of money, or have a crappy holiday. DS and second cousin are great friends, and the whole idea was that they could have time together.

We should have checked with cousin's family first, I know. But they've gone there every year for many years at the same time, we never suspected they'd do something different.

This could be the making of the two of them. I’m hoping your DH is grown up enough to make this work

Let DH and DS go together and book some really cool things for them to do. Is there anything like white water rafting / sailing / canyoning etc in the area?

Is DH worried or are you potentially just overthinking it? It might be that he sees it as a great opportunity to spend some time with DS - and often things go differently in a different environment anyway.

I feel like this is a good opportunity for dh to learn to get on with ds. Find things they can do together, find places they want to explore, agree boundaries and how they'll manage issues together. The idea they can't do a week having fun together is really sad. Encourage your dh to let small things slide - there's no excuse for shouting/argueing, encourage ds to step up and not expect to be cleared up after. Your dh needs to think about what sort of father he wants to be now his child is growing up - does he really want to be someone who can't do a week's holiday with them alone, without you to manage the relationship. What if something ever happened to you, would they just never speak/argue and row all the time. It needs fixing for a good adult to adult relationship over the next few decades. I'd be devastated if my partner said I couldn't be trusted to take my child on holiday because of temper/relationship issues with that child - it's not ok.

Wrestle and tumble sessions?

What kind of fuckwit is your DH if he can't adult for a week away with his own child?
Alternatively, you go on holiday and DH looks after your dad. Unless he butts heads with him, too? 🙄

Surely her DH is capable of booking anything they want to do?

Yes absolutely.

This. Your DH needs to man up and accept that his job is to see it's a good holiday.