Where to start really. I’m a husband and dad to three wonderful children. I love my wife deeply and, on the surface at least, we probably look like we have a very happy life together. We’re healthy, secure, and I genuinely treasure every bit of one-to-one time I get with my wife, With children and busy lives this is rare.
I think one of my faults is that I’ve poured almost everything into my family and especially into my relationship with my wife. I’ve neglected friendships and haven’t really built a life outside of us in the way she has. She has lots of friends and has done a much better job than me of nurturing those relationships.
I also sometimes struggle with how much of our relationship seems to become part of conversations with friends and other mums from school. I completely understand that friendships often involve sharing and venting, and I know women often talk more openly than men do. But at times it leaves me feeling a little exposed, especially knowing that people may know intimate details about our relationship while I tend to keep those things very private.
Lately though, I’ve found myself wondering whether my wife still truly respects me or even really still loves me. It is a fact that she prefers time with her friends than with me. Perhaps this is normal. She tells me she loves me, and I believe she cares about me, but sometimes I can’t shake the feeling that I’m valued more for being dependable, stable, a decent lover, a good dad, and providing security than for being me.
Maybe this is more common in long marriages than people admit. I don’t think I’m deeply unhappy, and I know how lucky I am in many ways, but I think most humans want to feel desired, chosen, and emotionally important to the person they love most.
So I suppose my question to the mums out there is this: have any of you ever gone through a phase where you felt emotionally distant from your husband, or where the relationship changed in this way? And if so, did things find their way back again?