It's been nearly 10 years and I still miss him every single bloody day

[SadCow]

I'm not expecting anyone to have any wise words for me. Or even to have sympathy, as I know how pathetic I am. Just feeling a bit lonely today and want to get it down, anonymous-like. At least, I hope it's anonymous!

I am still so ridiculously hung-up on an old relationship. It's been the best part of a decade since we split. It was my decision (cold feet, long story). Almost everything about my life is different now to what it was then. He, as far as I know, is happily settled; in fact I think he's married. I will probably never lay eyes on him again.

There is no rational reason for feeling this way. I know I should be getting on with my life, and to the outside world, I have. I am in charge of my life, I have goals and responsibilities and am a together person who is strong and capable. And yet... inside I am in exactly the same place I was all those years ago. I still feel utterly lost. I still dream about him - regularly, weekly, fgs. There are still places that I can hardly bear to go, songs I can't listen to, etc, without stirring up all these memories.

I feel completely pathetic. Why can't I get past this? I am starting to come to the conclusion that I am just going to be alone with stupid memories forever. I have done everything I can think of to let go of the past and I just can't. Am even beginning to think that maybe I need to to 'see someone' to talk about this, because it's not normal, is it? Am I mad, or just a sad case?

Well it’s 2024 and I suddenly started feeling like this towards an ex, long story short, he was bipolar and the relationship was messy at times, we broke up in 2016, (well
he left me, leaving me heatbroken) when we were 24 and 26, i’ve found myself really struggling and wondering the what ifs, i keep telling my self let it go he’s living his best life, especially in this day and age of online dating. We’ve never spoken or seen each other again . I know one day I will wake up and it won’t ever bother me again

People struggling with this, please do some reading about OCD. It can manifest in thought patterns only, it isn't always verbal or behaviours that others can see.

If you are stuck on something that you can't talk to anybody else about, either your current partner (for obvious reasons) or friends (because embarrassed) then things can echo and grow out of proportion. Sometimes just saying it out loud can help a lot as would CBT (even the kind you can do on your own).

Also agree with PPs who suggested it might not actually be about the lost love, but about other dissatisfactions and grief in life. The same way that OCD compulsions are triggered by unrelated stresses.

I’m in exactly your situation. We split after I done something very stupid so I have nobody to blame but myself. She was there one minute and the next gone. I never had any closure. No contact . The pain is unbearable even after 10 years. I don’t think I’ll ever get over her. I’ll die with a broken heart and I’ll never love again.

Have you heard of limerence? Could be suffering from that - kind of like a 'fantasy' of a relationship... there's a great reddit forum r/limerence if you need some info and support.

I’m feeling this now, glad to see others have the same issue

Gosh. Searched something similar and 9 years later, I still feel the same way. Regularly think about him. He ended it with me and we were both heartbroken and I know he still misses me. Tries to add me on SM every other year and asks people about me, if I'm still with my current partner, how I'm doing and I've heard from other friends he misses me. Seen him on few occasions and he always makes the effort to speak with me. We just never had that chat about why it happened etc. I have this awful urge to contact him, but he's now with someone else, and I've been with someone for 6 years. It's so difficult.