Is there any coming back from the ick?

[Lecruesetisntright]

Just that really.

I deeply love DH and he's a wonderful husband and father, but I have very serious ick. The thought of sex is grim and when we do have sex I hate it, it's just icky. It's a shame because he is so lovely.

And really like to get through/ over this rather than separate, but I also don't want either of us in a sexless marriage.

Any advice greatly appreciated.

In just my opinion, there is no coming back from the ick.

Depends on the ick!

What's wrong with sex with him? Have you gone off it altogether or just with him?

That’s why I divorced. Exactly the same reason I couldn’t get over it.

Just with him.

I don't know. It's general.

That was the same for me. I just couldn’t get over it. I divorced and since I have had amazing sex with another guy and it made me realise just what a sheltered life I’d lived in the bedroom.

That makes me quite sad because I love our little life.

There will be something that he’s done or that has happened, the ick doesn’t come out of nowhere.

It's very rare to come back from the ick.

The only thing I can think of is to start dating again. Get to know each other again and see if the original spark is still there.

Same for me. We had everything and from
The outside looked like the perfect couple/family but I just couldn’t get over it.

do I regret it? I don’t know. I’m seeing someone else now who is gorgeous and sex is amazing but he is no where near as nice and kind as my ex DH

Can you pinpoint what it is? Whether it’s a move he makes, or how he starts (eg his arm comes over during the night or he launches at you?) or the actual deed? I don’t know what other people think but I’d say never ever ever tell him, that makes it the end, I’d never be with anyone again who said I have them the ick. Hope you figure it out op

Hmm, I'm struggling to pinpoint anything. I don't like his sex face or how sweaty he gets and how clingy/ "romantic" he tries to be when a bit drunk.

Yes, not said anything to him. I really want to try and improve stuff.

Do you fancy someone else?

I think it is very normal for a woman to feel this way in a long relationship.

It is difficult to justify breaking up a family unit, home and shared finances for the sake of sex. Lots of us have and do struggle with this dilemma.

How long have you been together? Usually the ick happens after a short time of knowing someone. Because you didn’t fully know them. So I’m thinking that since you’re married he must have done something to cause it.

You can’t possibly love him really if you can’t stand him to be near you.

I find other people attractive if that's what you mean. But there not a specific other person/ potential affair type situation.

20 years together.

Maybe the ick isn't the right phrase.

I definitely love him, but not sure I'm "in love".

When did it change? Presumably you enjoyed sex with him once?

There will be a reason, OP

I had this ex ExH. He was also a very lovely, kind bloke.
It came from two things:

• Not really being sexually compatible, although he wasn't terrible.
• A mismatched introvert/extrovert thing. I needed periods of solitude, which he took as rejection.

Eventually, those incompatibilities evolved into The Ick.

Second Ex, it happened because he was a passive manchild who was happy to coast through life while I made all the decisions and organised everything. I couldn't respect him, therefore I didn't want sex with him.

Well after 20 years you can definitely fall out of love with someone. Maybe that’s what has happened, but you’re used to being with him so it feels uncomfortable to move on.

And it's not that I can't stand him touching me, I like a hug and a kiss that isn't leading anywhere. It's the ones that are intentionally going somewhere that I don't like.

Thanks for this.

Definitely closer to the first than the second. Helpful to hear it can slide in to it.

I wouldn't say we've ever been particularly sexually compatible, though he isn't bad in bed and there's not particular kinks/ interests etc that one of us does/doesn't like that the other is massively keen on. It's more a biomechanical fit issue. Gets the job done nicely but I've had better sex (with much worse people- sex and emotions are very very separate in my world view). I've also had much worse sex!