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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How did you introduce children to a new partner?

53 replies

Mummsnett · 10/05/2026 17:51

I've been with my boyfriend for a year. We each have our own children and busy schedules with ft work, clubs etc. We see each other one evening a week, plus a few hours here and then when it's possible. We've not yet met each others kids, or even told our exes that either is in a relationship. We're both really reticent to change anything, because really it still feels like the honeymoon period, but we're also getting frustrated with the lack of time we can spend together. It's getting to the point where children will have to be introduced, but while he's happy to meet my kids, he doesn't see me meeting his for the foreseeable, due to how mentally unstable his ex is. I'm okay with this, but in the five years since I split with my kids dad, I've never introduced them to any romantic partner, and neither has their dad. So this will be completely new to them, and to our dynamic. I'm very happy in my current setup, and very content with my life, so making changes would purely be to see the boyfriend more. I'm keen that it is done well, and positively impacts us all. But I have ZERO idea how to even start this process.

If you've gone through this, how did you approach it? What worked? What would you recommend?

I'm concerned that I'll make this change and it'll all fall apart and I'll end up scarring my kids for life, since they'll essentially be the test case for us both.
Potentially some of you will recommend keeping things just as they are!

OP posts:
bigboykitty · 12/05/2026 06:31

Have you done a Clare's Law request? If not, please look into it.

Smoothquark · 12/05/2026 10:34

The “mental ex wife”

Oh come on @Mummsnett

add in fact he doesn’t want to introduce you to his children and yet you seem very happy to introduce him to yours…. I am shocked you even went to carry on seeing him tbh

Blondeshavemorefun · 12/05/2026 10:51

I think it’s a good idea to mention their name. Maybe show a pic. Say you are meeting him for a meal /drink etc

see their reaction. They may ask to meet him

you can say yes one weekend

I think my ex dh will be a nightmare when I date as any mans name , or even a female friend aka sam and he’s who that - and that’s a friend - or if I manage to do something like put up a spa - he will be oh who did that. Your new man etx

or starts asking dd stuff and I tell him to shop. Stupid thing is , is that I haven’t even started dating yet

I get you want to see him more and you can’t unless he is with you and kids so it’s kinda stalemate

you need to be sure before introducing him

I have a friend who leaves if 4/6mths before her kids meet new man. They now meant 3 of them and she’s single again

tbh they don’t seem that bothered but it’s still a risk to meet kids

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