Why is my best friend acting like this?

[CQx]

Before I booked my child's christening, I asked my closest friends which Saturday of a particular month would be best for everyone. My best friend said the 30th as it's around when she gets her wages so it would be easier for her. But I asked her if she's sure this will be okay as I know her daughter's 16th birthday is the day after. She said it's fine as they're not planning anything for that weekend and they'll be doing something the weekend after instead. Bare in mind she was the first friend to say this weekend would be best so there was no peer pressure to choose this weekend. The rest of my friends and family said this weekend is good too, so I've booked and paid for everything for the 30th.

2 days later, I made a group chat with everyone invited in it, and was talking about numbers for the set meals at the party afterwards, and my best friend, to my surprise, messaged the group and stated so everyone can read that she isn't going to make it because I failed to ask her which weekend was best and she said she's throwing her daughter a birthday party that day instead. So now a couple of our mutual friends are being weird with me and think I'm out of order for trying to ruin her daughter's birthday weekend. My best friend was all on board with the 30th, even offering to help set things up for the party and excitedly speaking about it every day until the sudden message.

I seem to believe she's changed her mind about when to have her daughter's party and because all of our friends have agreed and planned to attend my christening first, she's trying to make something up to make me look bad so they don't come to my party, but to hers instead, as conveniently, it's at the same date and time...

We've been friends for 30 years, never had a fall out or disagreement so I'm bewildered why this has happened and she's lying about it all. Unfortunately (I've learnt my lesson now), these conversations took place in real life and over the phone, so there's no proof of what she said to me. I just think it's a shitty way of trying to stop people coming to my party, because she's changed her mind. I've been getting bad vibes from her for weeks now though, even before this but I'm an anxious person so I just ignored the gut feeling. She seems to have changed since she's having financial issues and I'm not sure if jealousy is a factor as she started making digs at things I was buying for the christening, as if I was doing too much.

Whata your opinion on why this is happening? I can't fathom it but I don't know if I'm overreacting. She's currently ignoring me, so I've stopped communicating right now and I am PISSED.

She’s ignoring you as well? That’s so weird. Did you check your messages just in case she got the wrong date in the first place? Sorry op, that’s horrible, Id talk to one of the other girls in the group and set them straight

What a peculiar group of “friends” you have.

They seem to be stuck in year 9

You have to speak to her - clearly when you spoke two days before your message she either didn’t communicate what she meant clearly, or you have misunderstood her, or she said it and then changed her mind but wants to tell herself the conversation went differently to how you remember it.

Whatever the reason, you can only find out by asking her.

I've been getting bad vibes from her for weeks now though

but you said never had a falling out or disagreement before?

That sounds weird. I can only imagine daughter pressed her to have a party on her actual birthday. I mean at 16 I wouldn't want to wait a week to celebrate. So maybe she said that to you then daughter wasn't having it?

I think that's more likely than her deliberately trying to sabotage your party.

But her lying is absolutely bang out of order. You're right to be furious and I'd want an explanation from her. But be prepared you may not get one.

Just stick her message agreeing to the 30th in the group chat and then forget about it.

I wouldn’t be surprised if this gaggle of friends are bitching about how has and has not been selected to be god parents

Message to group chat: "oh I'm so sorry, BM, I thought when we spoke that you said the 30th was fine as 16yo was having their party the following week. I'm not sure how we managed to get our wires crossed. What a shame - I picked that date especially so you could come. Not to worry - these things happen - hope 16yo has a brilliant weekend and we'll see you soon after."

Nope. That's what's so weird. She's never been like she is lately.

“messaged the group and stated so everyone can read that she isn't going to make it because I failed to ask her which weekend was best”

Did you not immediately reply, “But friend, you were the first person I asked, and you had the choice of every weekend in xxxx and YOU were the one who said the 30th would be fine, so what’s changed?”
You need to call her out on this - I wouldn’t be having other friends blaming me when I’d done my best to be accommodating.

Have you selected her as god mother? She sounds like the weird sort of “best friend” to get in an arse if not selected

It would appear not. Instead the Op remained silent and then started a mumsnet thread instead!

Yes they all are. But the christening is before the party and the party is at the same time as the birthday party. It's the party that's clashing but she booked hers after I did.

She and your friends sound immature and dreadful - are you all still at school? I respond on the group chat saying

“I’m really sorry to hear that after the conversation we had - I actually set the date after we’d spoken and you’d said you were free. You’ll understand that I can’t change the date now, but I very much hope you’ll be able to join us. Not a problem if not.”

Then don’t respond to anything further.

Your son’s christening is surely more about his entry into the Church than a party with some friends that you can do any old time. And with friends like these it might be nicer to just have family there? Their loss if they decide to miss out - just call their bluff on their silly games.

They “all are” god mothers

how many???!

Oh sweetie, stuff must go over your head all the time. The OP will know the truth, and so will the BM, while any of the others in the group chat who can read between the lines will also understand the subtext. Meanwhile, the OP can't be called out on anything, as the message is completely pleasant and nice, and even keeps the door open to allow the BM to apologise. OP wins all round.

Weird that christenings are usually in the morning and very short

and yet clashes with the party of a 16 year old! What kind of party is she having?!

Four?

Really? That’s insane!

and so you’re having a christening in the morning and then a bash afterwards.

Surely the 16th party is in the evening?

Why are you so hostile? Are you unhappy in life or something? Weird behaviour.

Don’t respond to her. She’s been banned about a million times and keeps making new accounts. MN will probably ban this one too shortly.

Why don't you just screenshot her messages agreeing to the date, and post them in the group? 😳